It really is a fact. The Beatles had it right when they wrote and recorded, All You Need Is Love. The words, along with the tune make me happy. Even though the song was out long before the movie of Love Actually, that movie scene is what I think of when I hear the song now. When that orchestra got up one by one and started playing the song during the wedding scene, it just made me cry happy tears. It still does after watching the movie more times than I can count.
Even though it has been a month since Valentine's Day, love is something that is every day. Love does make the world go around and has always inspired writers of all kinds to write about it, whether it be in poetry, books, movies, tv, plays, or songs. Once you locate that perfect partner you just want to have everything last forever. So what is holding you back from that? Finally, I believe that I have found the answer to why so many of marriages end up in divorce. Why does it have to be that way? It seems that once one partner or even both become disillusioned by the relationship, they want to call it quits. What got them to this disillusionment? It did not happen overnight.
Just the other day, I was reading about the stages of love. I totally disagreed with the article. First, let me say that this article came from Life Hacks, which that alone was not on a very positive note, at least in my book. It was a part of the American Psychological Association research on marriage and divorce and stated that it was endorsed by Chloe Chong.
The five stages of love according to this research is passion and playfulness, getting serious, what happened, climbing down from the pedestal, to working as a team. I noticed as I was reading that each stage stood out there all alone. It was very easy, at least for me, to see the glaring problem here. The first stage must stay forever and not be simply a stage. It is what love is all about.
Let's start with the obvious one of passion and playfulness. It stated that this is when you meet the one of your dreams and the hormones are flowing. Flowing so much in fact, that you are glowing. It is a fun place to be. You would call it your happy place. This moves on to getting serious. You are a great couple, and perhaps have moved in together or have gotten married, whatever the case, you have made a commitment at this stage. According to this article this is when the fun has had its run and you are now in The Twilight Zone. (not really, I just added that because that is how it made me feel when it said you are now in the adult phase and you have entered the serious zone)
My point being here is that who says the passion and playfulness ends now. Big mistake in my book. If you can't take life that is going on all around you and turn it into fun with each other then I see trouble coming on down the road. Which is where the article goes for the third stage of what happened? Yeah, right? You really don't know what happened when you dropped the passion and play and headed for making life into a serious and scary nightmare? This is where the relationship ends if you can't work on making lemonade out of lemons together. It is a time to get creative and show your passion for life and one another even more. You have to be a team and work together.
Why did 'Life Hacks' put stage 4 in as a part of love? This stage is called climbing down from the pedestal. My husband and I know and we knew from the start that neither one of us is perfect. We both have our funny little quirks. Does that make me not place him up high on my pedestal where he belongs? The most wonderful feeling is knowing that he has done the same thing with me. So we came into our relationship learning about each other yet still placing each other up high and above all others, on the pedestal of honor, support, and unconditionally loving one another whereas nothing is going to make me want him to climb down from that pedestal.
The last stage of love that was written about is working as a team. This stage should be a part of the very beginning stage with the passion and playfulness. It is real love when you totally accept each other unconditionally from the beginning. If there is a deal breaker, that is when it should be noted so that the relationship does not move forward because a deal breaker is not going to change. You either love one another with all the quirks and baggage that comes with him or her or you don't. Marriages end when one partner thinks they can change that imperfection. I am here to say to you that no you can't. And this is based on my very own experiences.
Couples who play together, stay together. Finding your common ground and working on life together is what will bring you closer. Even though it sounds basic and simple: All You Need Is Love is easier said than done, especially if you need someone to tell you to never let the childlike qualities fly out the window as life becomes more challenging, i.e. bills, rent, car loans, children, jobs. These are times that you must work together to make life a creative adventure for yourselves. It is not too late to start now. As the song goes: "There's nothing you can do that can't be done,
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung,
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time."
All You Need Is Love!