ADULTING IS HARD

 ADULTING IS HARD

No one ever said that becoming an adult was easy. Yet when we think about it, almost all of us could not wait to turn 21. Once we are out on our own and paying our own bills by working for the money all of a sudden things start to feel overwhelming. Life is challenging. Life is not always ok. We do have choices though. We have choices as to what to notice and pay attention to. 

Instead of wallowing in negativity, take a step over to the more positive side. Our brain focuses naturally on the more negative aspect, and we can decide to make a choice to wring our hands and say, "Oh, woe is me." OR we can take action and find some joy along the way. 

Believe it or not, we can feel both emotions together.

We should not let what we are going through define us. It does not and should not become YOU! Go back to that choice as to what there is to notice and pay attention. It is ok and not wrong to go through grief or sadness. It is natural and can be small or major. Even when it is a major event in our lives, there is a way to find some joy along the way. 

My experience of a major event that happened in my life is the loss of my soulmate. Steve was my everything, the love of my life. His passing was so sudden that I know my brain and body were in shock. I felt so blessed that I had family and friends to help me to get through my grief at that time. Am I still going through it? Of course I am. It does not just disappear. There are so many steps to take and there were ways even at that time to help me to start on my path. 

First of all, Steve and I both had discussed things that we wanted to happen when one of us passed. It helped me in knowing that I was following to the best of my ability to meet his requests. There were two major things for me to focus on for him, yet in the end, it was for me also. I had to make the decision that he signed for...to not have him live the rest of his life hooked up to machines keeping him alive when there was no chance of him returning as himself. I had to honor his wishes when his organs were shutting down. I was so blessed to have family there with me.

The next step was that neither one of us wanted a 'funeral.' Not in the term that most people think of when someone passes. With the help of my daughter and one of my sons, plus my brother we were able to set up a "Celebration of Life" for Steve. lt was positively beautiful. There was sadness, of course - yet the majority of the day was celebrating all of the wonderful things that Steve did in his life. People that he worked with at FedEx, as well as those where I worked. He played a huge role in being the Adopt a School representative for many years and all spoke of how he always did so much for others. Some of the family and friends got up to say how Steve affected their lives. I did not need to know just how special of person that he was. I knew that and witnessed it daily. WOW! Did that bring joy to my soul to hear those words on that day? Yes, I had tears of sadness and joy, all at the same time. IT IS POSSIBLE.

Our brain likes to focus on the short-term rewards, which is why we can stay in a circle of negativity, even when positive things are happening all around us. I chose to focus on all of the inspiration that was all around me. Did I have break-downs here and there? Yes, I did. I am human! It is natural. Integrating my grief and sorrow with some inspirational joy just happened along the way. I am sure there are those who feel that it is wrong to feel joy when you should be grieving. It is a choice to experience BOTH!

There were two quotes that struck a chord in my heart. 

"A memory is a photograph taken by the heart to make a special moment last forever."

"When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them but to live with the love they left behind."

Feeling sorrow is an action. It is a verb. Just as feeling joy is. Choosing to step away from sorrow and have some joy is ok. It can be small. Such as taking a walk, reading, painting, writing. Do it for yourself and become a mirror for others. I can't change how others feel, however I can work on paying attention to my joyful senses even when I am feeling sorrow. We all deserve that. No matter how small the joy is.

A simple concept yet powerful to always find some joy by weaving sparks of happiness together with sadness because this is how healing begins.

JOY DOES NOT SIMPLY HAPPEN TO US. WE HAVE TO CHOOSE JOY AND KEEP CHOOSING IT EVERY DAY.