REASONS FOR BEING ON TIME

 REASONS FOR BEING ON TIME

Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?

Chicago Lyrics

Have you ever noticed that the same people are usually the ones who are always on time? Rarely are they late. There are some reasons for this personality trait. Some people just seem to slide in five minutes late like they are in neutral. Casual. Harmless, even. While others feel emotionally and physically uncomfortable if they are not ten minutes early. It is a feeling as if the clock is working against them.

My husband traveled for his job. Even before all of the hullabaloo of TSA, his motto was always arrive two hours before your flight time. He did this calmly and had no problem waiting in the lobby or at the gates where his flight was to depart. Always had a book with him to read and just waited to be called. Others had comments to make about this behavior, but guess who it was that they called for any type of crisis? Yes! It was him. He just seemed to know what to do calmly, and how to remain free of anxiety. 

Arriving early was not a way to show off or a simple etiquette rule for him or others who are always early. It goes much deeper than good manners. It is a matter of being conscientious. This usually predicts reliability, organization, and follow-through. They tend to always check the traffic before leaving and take into account the parking situations, so that they can build any extra time if necessary. Arriving early is their way of showing responsibility rather than a loose suggestion. It usually links to career success and relationship stability because it predicts consistency. It is less about trying to impress others but about their own internal alignment. If they say they will be there by 7 than by gosh they mean it.

These people experience mild anxiety about letting people down. It feels like a failure of respect to them. It is about monitoring the clock. When they arrive ahead of schedule,, you can see their relief. It is not panic - it is prevention.

Predictability is valued. It means no frantic rushing. No apologies. No scrambling. This does not necessarily mean rigidity. It is a comfort in structure. According to studies, unpredictability shows that cortisol levels are elevated in response to stress and uncertainty. Time becomes a way to create stability. 

Time commitments are always taken seriously. It is like a promise, almost like a contract. Punctuality reflects how strongly a person actually internalizes mutual expectations. It becomes an agreement. It lets the other person know that their schedule matters, and it communicates reliability.

Thinking ahead is key to being three steps ahead. A person like this tends to automatically visualize future obstacles, such as traffic jams, delays, or parking confusion. To them, walking into a room late makes them feel very awkward. Mentally rehearsing what could go wrong and adjusting the situation to avoid it happening is the key. This is not paranoia - it is foresight.

Are you comfortable waiting when early? Many people despise that feeling of sitting alone in a car. Standing outside a building or being the first one at the restaurant. Chronically punctual people do not. Waiting does not threaten them. It is a safe margin. Research on boredom tolerance suggests that people who can sit in stillness without immediately seeking stimulation often demonstrate stronger self-control overall. 

Unlike the man in the picture above, punctual people who plan ahead feel calm when they are in control. It creates space for error and definitely reduces anxiety. They see reliability as part of their identity. They admire stability and they are aware that it defines them and shapes their behavior. 

Don't believe that automatically being early makes someone virtuous and being late makes someone careless. Just know that patterns matter. This simply reveals a quiet strength that some overlook. They have actually trained their brains that being early produces pleasure, not just approval. 

Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?

If you try an experiment of being as punctual as possible for at least two weeks, you may be surprised how stress and anxiety fly out the window and how calm and in control you many feel.

SAY YES TO FUN

SAY YES TO FUN

No one is too old or too "anything" to have fun. We will never be younger than we are today. We do not need to be on autopilot, rather we need to have a bright,  silly, and joyful life. Our area of the country ended up with a snow and ice event, along with frigid temperatures. Kids dressed in layers upon layers to go out and try sledding. This area of the country does not get snow often so it means taking advantage of it when we do get it. This time it involved glacier type layers. A bit dangerous for some (like myself) but still we can have fun at the windows watching and laughing along with their antics. It was extremely dry snow, when one could grab some from the icy mixture so there really were no snowball fights. The kids made do with what they had. Those that had no real sleds used surf boards, cardboard, whatever they could find to slide down a hill. Just one recent example to find ways to have fun with what is going on around us.

No one wants to be the boring person because if we attempt to be the fun person, the one wanting to laugh and have fun then more people will laugh along with you and have fun also. It is okay to embrace the fun side of yourself.

Even our pets enjoy getting in on the FUN. 

They almost (I believe they actually do) SMILE when fun is taking place around them. It relaxes all of us - two legged or four legged. 

After hearing about the research going on at Duke University about how life just feels so heavy to most of us. Especially nowadays. This means that having fun and being a fun person is even more important. Fun is not a luxury; it is a psychological necessity. Stress levels are reduced, thus our mental health improves. Fun makes us feel alive so always say, "YES," to fun, even when you think you are too tired. When our stress levels are reduced by fun and laughter our immune system is strengthened and we become calmer from within.

So, bring in the nonsense and fun in life - it is essential to our health. Yes, the world has problems. we all are aware. We still must make time to say yes to fun and share the joy and laughter with others. Don't worry about being laughed at. Let them laugh. The National Cancer Institute found that people who laugh regularly boost their immune system by decreasing hormones related to stress in our bodies. 

If you and your team are working on a stressful project, find a time to just let go and have fun. That project will be there once you finish. Check out an example above. If you have a boss, he or she could join in. I am quite sure that they need the boost of fun too.

Another thing to try when you are feeling lonely or depressed is to try watching a comedy and have a good laugh. I bet it will make you feel better. It has been proven that regular laughter ups the number of natural killer cells and activates the cells that help us stay healthier and stronger. It increases our resilience simply by improving our moods and fostering creativity. 

Think about this: life is not about taking yourself too seriously. We all need to be more playful and connect with other people; just go with the flow. It helps us to forget the worries of the world. 

Try to make a fun change in your daily life, such as playing more fun music while cooking or cleaning, wear crazy socks or jewelry. It helps to give yourself a little lightness to your day. It is a small moment of joy that can can help us to not feel so worn out and tired. Actually, it helps to give us energy. If we take moments to find joy it will lift us up and help us escape the stress that is bringing us down.

It is important to say yes to fun. Say yes to a friend to meet for a coffee or lunch. Go to a movie, take a new class - all of these are ways of saying yes to having fun. It is ok to show up to a class, and if you believe that you are not good at it, it is ok. You don't have to perform at perfection. Others may or may not be so good at the skill - and it is all ok. Getting out and saying yes to having fun with others it what it is all about. It starts to become contagious. Others are not judging you. If they are, then they are just miserable and uptight so just LET THEM be. 

Find ways to have fun with others and enjoy yourselves. It is all worth it. My family and I continue a tradition for fun by going to a Christmas High Tea at The Peabody Hotel. It is always a fun time during the season when it could be stressful and not so much fun. Shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, and the list goes on and on. Take moments with friends and family to just have fun. Laugh!

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IDEAS TO HELP LOWER ANXIETY LEVELS

 IDEAS TO HELP LOWER ANXIETY LEVELS

Who doesn't need their anxiety levels lowered some? We live in a world of uncertainty. Add to that our own personal journeys dealing with our jobs, finances, relationships, etc., there is no wonder that anxiety levels are high. Really, they don't have to be if we can only stop to remember some good reminders to help us get through these times.

One of the main things that many of us forget to set are boundaries. Setting boundaries is so important for us.  We can't keep doing for everyone else or we will be running on an empty tank. I think most people continue to do so much for others is because they want to be liked. It is ok to say, "NO!" You can be kind about it. If your plate is already full and someone asks if you can please stop off and pick up something for them, it is ok to say that you are sorry but not at this time. To be honest, it is not your emergency, so let them know that it does not fit into your schedule. We are not human doormats to be walked on and expected to drop things in our lives to continue to constantly help others out. If you have hosted the last two meetings and are asked to again, learn to set that boundary and say not at this time. We need to stop feeling overwhelmed and remember that we get to choose what is and is not important.

When we are stressed out, we have trouble focusing and tend to procrastinate. It really is our brain just trying to survive. We need to stop judging ourselves. It doesn't make us feel better. Start having more compassion for ourselves and rest. Think of all that we have accomplished and start from that point. Giving ourselves pats on the back. We all have only a certain amount of energy. Set our boundaries so that we can accomplish our own goals. Just be aware of the progress that we have each made. It does not need to be perfect. Just progress.

Everyone is going through tough times. Even if they have a smile on their face. We don't know their whole story or see the whole picture. When we realize that, it helps to soften our feelings towards others. (but not to change our boundaries) We don't need to be oversensitive and do not take things personally.

The book titled, The Let Them Theory, by Mel Robbins, helps us do this by saying 'Let Them' in order to remind ourselves that we can't control others' behaviors. Just let them...but most importantly, then know what your 'let me' will be.

Becoming the best version of yourself comes with saying goodbye to things or people who are dragging us down with bad habits. We should always be evolving which means we may need to shed things that may be stopping us from seeing the view of the new us.

Always realize that the time to do this is now. Time is always ticking away. We don't want to miss our own life so why delay things that matter to us? If we want to paint, then paint. If we want to change jobs, then work on those resumes; if we want to write, then write. Just do it and don't say to yourself that you will do it later. Now is the time to enjoy our lives. It will help to kick anxiety out the window and give the power back to where it belongs.

A quote from Alice Walker is a perfect example:

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."

INTENTIONALLY REWIRING OUR BRAINS

 INTENTIONALLY REWIRING OUR BRAINS

What if I told you that there is research out there that can help all of us rewire our brains for more positivity. If we dwell on the world events happening, it can be so much negativity coming at us. I think that we all would say with certainty that we would like to rewire our brains to focus more on the positive. Research has proven that by following a few little tools that help us intentionally rewire our body to fight back with gratitude will help us to regain control of our minds and how we feel in our day to day life. 

Reading the book Let Them by Mel Robbins and listening to her podcasts has really helped me see the world in a different perspective. This blog is based on one of her podcasts. After hearing it with the research from Dr. A. Crum of Stanford, I began to practice using some of the ideas. Was I surprised? It worked. Even when I became ill, I was able to use one of the tools to set my own intentional gratitude. 

It is a matter of using the gratitude tools. With that being said, let me add that the word 'gratitude' can be an overused term. I am not saying to put on a happy smile and ignore what is going on in this world. That just is not possible.

The awesome deal here is that we all get to choose which or all of these tools to help us rewire our brains toward gratitudes. It is a method of cognitive retraining to help us notice the positive instead of the negative. 

There have been research studies that show our human brain loves danger. It is always on high alert so we see much more of the negative side of the world. A beginning step that is really very easy and is not time consuming in our busy worlds is called THE UNSENT LETTER. It involves writing a quick letter to someone you are grateful for. Someone who has done something for you - something specific. And you don't even need to send it. You can if you wish, however, it is for those of us who write it. It is important to be specific in what they did. We don't always notice all the good things so take time to "think" what, why and how they did it.

Actually, sitting down and writing it makes it feel much more intentional. It is really about you so you do not need to send it. Perhaps you want to and that is all fine and good. It can be on paper or in a text. Whatever works for you. This habit only needs to be done once a week. 

There is another tool that I read about to help us find intentional gratitude that requires no more than 2-3 minutes a night. It helps us to turn off our brains and gives us a moment of reflection. Keep a small memo pad and pencil by your bed. Write 3 small things from the day that you were grateful for. These can be things such as you lucked out on a great parking spot at the grocery, someone told you a funny story, or you ran into an old friend at a coffee shop. 

It is never reflecting on what went wrong, but rather about what went right. This actually has been proven to not only change your mind but also your body. After 8 weeks of doing this simple 3-minute writing gave the participants in the study better sleep. They had higher HRV rates. This is what manages our stress and well-being by monitoring it while we sleep. If it is monitored during sleep external factors don't impact the measurement. It is the measure of the different time durations between each heart beat.  High HRV is good. It means good recovery, high energy, and enhanced cognitive performance which equals a balance of heart and mind. Obviously, a low HRV rate does the exact opposite. Several things can affect our HRV rates which include stress, medications and exercise. This can lead to the risk of heart disease.

Another simple 'yummy' tool to work on intentional gratitude is to settle into gratitude before you even get out of bed each morning. Just lay there there in your soft, cuddly bedding just luxuriating on your comfy pillow for a moment while you imagine just how good your tea or coffee will be when you slowly get up out of bed. Then take a moment to enjoy that cup. 

The last tool mentioned to work on intentional gratitude is when the researchers divided people into 3 groups. One-third was the gratitude group, another group was the kindness group and the last group was the 'control' group. 

The Gratitude group wrote daily something specific they were grateful for in a journal.

The Kindness group did something kind for someone such as buy someone a coffee or open a door and wrote that down in a journal

The Control group wrote about general daily stuff.

The results started showing up after 2 weeks. The Gratitude group had worked on training their brains to reset. The Kindness group showed some improvement. But The Control group showed nothing changed or improved. Even when the groups stopped using this tool, The Gratitude groups brains were still reset to focus on intentional gratitude.

A little gratitude goes a long way. Even in a text to say, "Congratulations," to a workmate.

POSITIVITY GOES A LONG WAY!

STEP OUT OF THE TRADITIONAL BOX FOR THE HOLIDAYS

 STEP OUT OF THE TRADITIONAL BOX FOR THE HOLIDAYS

There is a saying that goes like this: "Never say never!" One needs to be careful saying that phrase. Just like most people, I truly enjoy our family traditions at Thanksgiving. It is a time to give thanks to all that we have as a family, as well as friends. All of the traditional foods that MUST be served and please don't stray too far from them. 

Every once in a while, I like to throw in something new and sometimes it is a keeper and other times..meh! It just does not work. It is so exciting to see our children and our children's children all helping to pull together a wonderful meal that is full of our grandparents' and great-grandparents' recipes and ideas. 

It is a fact that I once asked my grandmother to please write down what she did two days before Thanksgiving and what went into each dish. It is a definite keeper of what she wrote. It was a little of this, a pinch of that...never would you have an exact measurement. So I had to visually watch her every step of the way. Her dinners were always scrumptious. EVERY YEAR. And it was amazing for many reasons. She only had one oven. I am lucky enough to have a double oven, so the turkey can be in one and all of the other goodies can cook along in the other one. Never once did she have a problem pulling all of the recipes together and having them ready to serve hot at the same time. WHEW!

And, yes, I loved that and still do. Every family member has their own favorite that they would like to have served on Thanksgiving. 

One holiday Steve and I had the day to celebrate all to ourselves. Our children were away for the holiday. We seized the opportunity to actually make reservations at a very posh restaurant and just enjoy each other's company and be thankful for all that we had. And that was quite a lot and never taken for granted! It was a step away from the traditional box of how most Thanksgivings are supposed to be. I am not sure who wrote those rules but we decided to break from them this particular year and it worked beautifully for us. I still relish that year, as now, I no longer have Stephen with me physically to celebrate. Just all of our loving memories that he gave to me.

Enter Thanksgiving 2025. It was a time that we had a staycation for Fall Break and just loved being around the pool and having fun together. It was at this time that we decided to check on a cruise over the Thanksgiving break. It turned out that all of the females in the household were thrilled to be headed to The Bahamas for the week of Thanksgiving. Talk about stepping outside of the traditional box! And, yes, they have so many activities, as most cruises do, that we would never ever miss one year of this kind of special time together over Thanksgiving. The one male member of our household was not interested in going out on a cruise. And that was ok. He still will have his Mom and Dad and brother to spend Thanksgiving with. He will be at work on all of the other days. Everyone is happy to  try something new. I am so glad that we have a family ready to try a new twist on the holidays. 

When we return, all of us will be in the festive mood to get Christmas decorations out and decorate the house. Usually, this is done when we are off for Thanksgiving holidays. Obviously, an exception will be made this year. You will not find any of us upset with this. It is called just rolling with the flow. And, oh wow, does that ever feel good. No time line. No stress. What will be, will be. 

Yes, we will have some of the favorites for Christmas time this year. The snacky favorite tons of Chex Mix will be made. We will decide on a turkey or ham or both. We will have all of the other favorites that will be made and eaten. Who knows? Thomas and I may just decide to try once again those famous Stephen Miles' English Roasted Potatoes. 

For now, I wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

 

We Are Ready to Bloom!

 WE ARE READY TO BLOOM!

Have you ever looked at a field of sunflowers? Even a bouquet of sunflowers? How about just one sunflower? They seem to make so many people happy. They have a way to put a smile on our faces just by blooming. My thought process is that if only we all could be ready to bloom as a sunflower. 

One way to bloom and blossom into our own full expression is to follow the advice from the ocean. 

Yes, it is a big play on words, but oh how true to life these words are. If you take the time to read and ponder some over each phrase, I think that you may get my meaning. 

We all need to take a little time to just be silly, have fun and stop taking everything to heart. 

Nothing could be truer than that last statement above. "Life is too short to be anything but happy." Yes, we all will have moments of sadness. It is only human nature. The life lesson is to learn to give ourselves that moment and then move on...in baby steps if necessary. And that is ok! Probably most of us learned this the hard way. I know that I did. And that is ok! The point is that I learned this over time. 

Don't you just love this silly picture? It serves a purpose in showing us that it is important to have our silly and frivolous moments. These moments will bring smiles to all of our faces. Most importantly to us as the individual. Everyone else benefits from the silliness and laughter. It lightens things up for all.

We do not have to press pause to return to the good old days. Yes, let's be honest. Now we have adulting to contend with. No one said that we can't have fun with it. Be young at heart and deal with life in a way that does not bring you and everyone around you down. It is not a matter of ignoring bad things that may be happening all around us. It is simply a matter of handling things in a different way. Dwelling on problems and repeating, "Oh woe is me," is not going to solve anything at all.

If we feel that we may not always have "the inner child" within us, then at least let our inner idiot surface every now and then. It demonstrates that we are all human with real human feelings.

There has been quite a bit of research about how important having "fun" and being "silly" is to us as humans - for our mental health. Reducing stress levels is more important than some believe. It helps to improve our immune systems when we become calmer from within. It is truly important to say yes to fun. lf others judge you then just let them. (One of my favorite sayings!) LET THEM! It gives me a chance to LET ME have my fun and silliness. Go ahead and embrace the fun side.

Life has a way of surprising us. None of us are too old or too anything to change our thought processes. All we have to do is:

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO HAVE JOY IN YOUR LIFE

 GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO HAVE JOY IN YOUR LIFE

If we have the right mindset, we will be able to allow ourselves to feel joy, even when things aren't always perfect. What is truly always perfect? We can't live our lives as 'Debbie Downers'. We need to believe in finding joy in our lives. It is only up to ourselves to make that choice. The "small stuff" actually turns out to be the BIG stuff. It is all about finding joy in the small things all around us. This can make us feel good in that moment, but it goes so much further into our very souls.

It does require that we be alert and aware of what is going on all around us. A book that I read called The Gifts They Leave Behind is a wonderful example.

Loved ones who have left this Earth give us signs. The trick is to be aware of them. Mine happens to be a very special cardinal that comes to my birdfeeder almost daily and sometimes more than once a day. 

He shows up at the most amazing times, such as when I am questioning a financial decision, or a trip, just decisions that the two of us used to discuss. I just don't have him here physically with me to discuss ideas anymore. This could be quite sad. And to be honest, it is. What makes it not quite so sad is that he seems to know this and shows up as if to give me nods of approval.

Some things that he used to always see on his walks were special stones or coins right on the ground in front of him. He would always pick them up and keep the ones that he felt were special to him. I actually still have his collection. The only difference now is that I am more aware and find many new stones and coins myself. And of course, I keep those special ones that I find. It is as if he put them there for me to find. 

These are some of the things that help to bring joy to my life. And, yes! I can say that I am a happy person. It is all about finding moments when life all around you just feels good. Creating the kind of life that helps to bring me joy. Luckily, I learned that things do NOT have to be perfect. Let things go, and we can be pleasantly surprised at the pleasure that is all around by creating that kind of space for contentment.

Upon reviewing some research, I found that there are two kinds of happiness: hedonic, which is the kind that feels good in the moment, such as laughter or a breath of fresh air. Then there is Eudemonic happiness, which runs deeper than the moment. This brings peace and purpose, and just being true to ourselves.

A Harvard study of 80+ years confirms all of this by stating that many of us have learned. Joy does not come from status and/or success. It comes from meaningful connections and how we choose to engage in our days. Say to yourself, "Pay attention...this matters!" I am sure that you could make a list of so many little things that bring you joy throughout the day.

My suggestion is to work on making these moments happen more often. Give yourself permission to say no when you need to. Or to take a nap when you can - just because! Start in the morning with that first cup of coffee or tea in the quiet dawn. I do put up my Facebook mantras about coffee. And yes! I love my coffee. That first cup is my quiet time to think about what will bring me joy throughout the day. Even Steve knew how much I needed that. He usually brought my first cup of coffee to me in bed during the work week. In all fairness, on the weekends, I did the same with him for his morning tea. Or perhaps got the tea kettle going for his afternoon tea time. As I said before, it is so many of the little things that make the BIG things happen. Like JOY and LOVE!