WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE THAT TWEEN'S HEAD
If only we as grown-ups could figure this out. Actually, if we took the time to sit down and think about it, not that much has changed since we were that age. Between sixth and eighth grade a whole lot of 'stuff' is going on in that body and brain. Hormones are out of control which in turn can turn a tween into an unpredictable narcissist; becoming rude and defiant one minute and then turning around and becoming emotionally clingy the next. Trust me, they have long figured out that their parents are not anywhere close to being as cool as Taylor Swift or Stephen Curry, much less their BFF who hangs the moon in their eyes. This leaves many parents wondering where their precious child's body is. What alien has stolen it? Well, that alien is called hormones.
When kids reach puberty, their brain produces hormones that run wild. Teens need our love, support, and advice throughout this traumatic time...even though it seems to be very much unwanted at times by them. We may even ask ourselves, "Are they even listening, much less comprehending?"
As long as we remember the brain's primary growth area is the prefrontal cortex of the frontal lobes which in layman's terms is "the central decision maker" of the brain. This may help guide parents. This is where functions such as decision-making take place. If you have noticed that your tween has become totally disorganized or that they now seek a private area such as a locked box or a drawer, then trace this back to their brain working on the concept of making decisions. It is going through a tremendous "rewiring" process and can be disorienting for the tween and many times exhibits itself as poor decision-making and/or emotional outbursts.
At this age many tweens indulge in risk-taking behavior. Some of the behaviors are more dangerous than others. This is where good communication, especially prior to this age comes into play. They can sometimes hear your voice of what can be too dangerous and what may just be a good time. Let's face it, this is even difficult for many adults. Being around your tween and knowing where they are and who they are with can help all parents know what is going on most of the time. That older saying that was on the 10:00 news, "It is 10:00. Do you know where your children are?" The answer should always be YES.
Yikes! What is going on with all of the physical changes in their bodies? This is the time before it happens, to go ahead and have 'the talk' about all of the physical changes that will be taking place in their bodies. Middle school-age children are so often self-conscious about their body development and have anxieties about how others view them. Let them know that everything is normal. It may help reduce that anxiety.
May tweens want to slurp and eat their way through junk food heaven because of the "pleasure" centers of the brain. This develops before they have the ability to calculate long-term consequences. As the adult, we do have to provide some limits and provide healthy food without depriving some of the pleasures of fries, shakes, candy, etc. This will help teach them the healthy way to eat and not lead to obesity nor feeling deprived from having occasional treats.
Research has been done that show too much video gaming and social media is not a good thing. There needs to be a limit that is set between parent and child. This seems to be difficult for many parents, as they also seem to be addicted to their cell phones. How many times have you been out to restaurants and observed a whole family not engaging in conversation but instead are on their cell phones. In my opinion this is just so sad. The only other thing that is even more concerning is that it has been proven that if tweens are playing violent video games it affects their thinking ability within their brain. A word of advice is to be sure that their games focus on racing or skills that do not involve violence.
On a very happy note (sorry for that pun) it has been proven in studies that students enrolled in formal instrumental or choral music instruction outperformed their peers in math, especially algebra. The research suggests that musicians process music in the same cortical regions of the brain that tweens process algebra. It did not seem to matter what instrument or whether or not they were in the chorus. It is all about the music!
No matter if we want to believe it or not, there is a gender gap. Brain development happens faster in females than in males. Academic abilities might also vary widely. In girls, language and fine motor skills generally mature first. In fact, probably due to the culture and not the biology, girls are now catching up in math skills. The research on the differences in male and female brains helped to make this happen.
The ability to plan, problem solve, process complex thoughts, do deductive reasoning and process information needs to continue to be strengthened. This can be done through strategic brain-building activities such as checkers, backgammon, chess, and even some tactical thinking video games. This will help improve middle-schoolers' interconnectedness to a variety of problem-solving skills.
When helping your tween develop their minds, don't forget about their muscles. Exercise has a significant positive effect on cognitive development. Students with higher fitness levels get higher grades and usually perform better on tests. Yet, recess and play seems to be the first thing that is cut from school curriculums. This is where parents need to take a stand. If the school is not providing it then after-school programs would be the answer.
A middle-schooler's continually evolving brain requires firm guidance from diligent adults. It needs to be consistent, compassionate, goal-clarifying, and allow the tween to build self-esteem by making intelligent choices. Over-controlling is in the same category as over-indulgent "permissive parents.
No one ever said raising a child would be easy. There is no book at the bookstore that you can buy that gives you strict guidelines. Probably because raising one child is so totally different from another child. Even siblings in the same family need difficult forms of guidance and develop differently.
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