SETBACKS AND STRESS FACTORS

 SETBACKS AND STRESS FACTORS

Who has not ever experienced a setback? It can be at a very young age when you did not get that toy you 'needed' more than anything else. Or maybe a day(s) at school that you got in trouble for talking when you should not have been, passing notes, or chewing gum - whatever it was you broke a rule and had a consequence or let's say a SETBACK that caused stress.

As a child that was incredibly embarrassing for most of us, as an adult, setbacks usually are a bit more serious. The consequences can bring so much more stress to our lives.

However, there is something that we as adults tend to forget or overlook. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."  ~Charles R. Swindoll~

We might not be able to control what happens to us, but we sure can control our responses and attitudes. I can see some of you right this very minute thinking about what kind of person has that sort of optimism. After reading a few books, I realized that life will always throw us curveballs and give us setbacks. These can actually reshape our lives depending on how we respond and handle the stress it caused.

Handling our attitudes is not always an easy thing to do. If we can train ourselves to work on that then we can honestly say to ourselves that we never lose. We either win or we learn. A good friend of mine got me hooked on the Mel Robbins podcasts. I can truly say that I have learned so much from her theories. The main one is the 'Let Them Theory.' It sounds so easy and really it is and can help to make our lives so much easier and less stressful. 

There is a second step though. After you have a setback say to yourself, "Let them!" The next step is, "Let me!" By that, I mean that the 'them' caused you anxiety and/or a setback. So the next step after you say to yourself, "Let them," is to say, "Let me....." You need to have a plan on how you will handle the anxiety or setback. Let them downsize and do away with my job. We then have a choice. Will we go away with our tails between our legs and cry a river? Well, let's be honest. Most of us would want to do this. And it is a natural thing to do. As long as you move forward from that point promptly. For example we need to reassess our life. What is it that I want to do that I could not do because of the hours I had working at my old job? It may be a pay cut for a while, yet in the long run is it something that you have always wanted to do. YOU get to choose.

Let me give you my own personal example. I did lose my soulmate of 20 years about 2 1/2 years ago. I was devastated. I really did not think that I could go on. The stress of losing him caused me so much grief that I went into hibernation. It was not a happy place to be. I was lucky in that I had an unbelievable support system of friends and family. My precious daughter actually moved in with me to take care of me. This was a huge job for her. We thought it might not be for long. We would see how it worked. I went through a phase of stressful eating. I probably had about 40 lbs to lose but all of a sudden it was now 100. With the extra weight, my joints were so achy that I had to force myself to get up and out of bed each morning. I was no help to anyone. Let's just say that I was miserable.

When I realized that nothing that I was doing was helping me or anyone else, plus I now did not know where I would go for clothing once the big girl sizes were too small...I had to do something drastic. If only I had some of the knowledge that I have gained now back then. The important thing is that I finally had a light bulb go on. DO SOMETHING! AND I DID!

Information was given to me about how I could learn healthy eating habits and not only lose weight, save money doing it, but also learn how to maintain it. Since that time of having the weight MELT off me, I have kept it off now for a year. I continue to monitor it closely and stay on a maintenance program. I like to call it the 80/20 program. Whatever works is good. And I know that the change in my attitude is what got me to this place and is helping me to continue to stay healthy.

I have much less struggle with arthritis in my knees and even days of not even taking a Tylenol/Advil for pain. My sleeping scores turned around. Luckily, I did not have high blood pressure or other issues. I did have to donate basically 75% of my clothing. Too big is too big. Luckily, I saved some things that I loved in the back of my closet and now they fit me. Never did I think that I would fit in them again. Let's just call it wishful thinking.

Life will always be stressful. Things are going on in our country and the world that I have no immediate control over. There are only certain things that I can do. Those are the things that I focus on. Let me just take on what I personally can handle and not let what is out of my control get me stressed out. LET ME handle my own attitudes. I can't help how others may feel and deal with their issues. 

The 'Let Them/Let Me' theory can make everyone feel more in control of their lives. It works!

 

BEING OPEN TO TRY NEW IDEAS

 BEING OPEN TO TRY NEW IDEAS

(ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE HELPFUL)

Recently, I heard about a new way of looking at not only having a great restful night but a great start to my day. And it has been an eye-opener for me. At first, I must admit that I did resist. I had always been one to stay up and watch 'stuff' on TV that did not matter in the long run. The important stuff would be highlighted on YouTube if I really wanted to take the time another day to check it out. Or I mindlessly scrolled on my phone or on my computer. It was the next morning that I felt the results. Tired, not wanting to get up out of bed, yet knowing that I had to get up and now there was a big rush to hurry to dress and get out the door. Usually it was without a packed lunch, no water bottle, and endlessly searching for my keys. Forget the fact that the sink was filled with dirty dishes and mail was scattered around, along with other messes all over the kitchen counters. To be honest, it was depressing to even look at it all, knowing that I would be coming home to that mess. No fairy godmother was going to come in and wave her wand for it to go away.

Plus, I did not get 8 hours of sleep, which is what I knew that I needed to function well throughout my daily routines. So, I am going to share some of what I learned about what to do about it.

Number 1 was to set my bedtime. To do that, I had to work on what time I needed to get up and get ready without being in a mad rush. I worked backwards from there. For me, my time was 6 A.M. So for 8 hours of sleep, I had to be asleep no later than 10. This did not mean going to bed at 10. It meant at 9, to start taking 5 - 10 minutes to quickly pack my lunch, get the dishes out of the sink and in the dishwasher, look around the counters and table for messes that needed to be put in their special place, and to put out my keys and water bottle. Now I had a happier place to come out from my bedroom to face my day.

The next step was to head back to my bedroom, pick out clothes for the next day, brush my teeth, and then take 5 minutes (10 - 15 is ideal) for ME. It may be a nice, relaxing bath or shower, a nightly face cleansing routine, quick journaling, yoga routine, or reading a chapter in my book. It does not mean scrolling on my phone. 

Let me add that when I go to bed at 9 and take care of all of the above it is somewhere around 9:30 - 9:45 that I am now all tucked in with lights out. OH! I forgot to mention that before I tuck myself in bed, I have my phone tucked into the charger AWAY from my bed where I am sleeping. I know the temptation is too great for me to reach over and see what is going on. I discovered that the world goes on without me. What I missed, I can catch up with the next day. Plus, the next day, I feel energized and ready to take the day on after a great night's sleep.

I am here to tell you that this really does work. At first, I rebelled some. Until I took these steps seriously and I can't tell you just how much this has changed the way that I feel each day. 

THINGS THAT CAN BE EASY TO FORGET IN BUSY OUR LIVES

 THINGS THAT CAN BE EASY TO FORGET IN OUR BUSY LIVES

Sometimes, in our daily lives, we forget to support ourselves in discovering the parts that make each of us up. We can really learn by observing those further along than ourselves. Those who remain as open as a flowing stream should inspire us all of the possibilities that are out there in our world. 

Making a list helps me realize more of how I can support myself in my world. Sometimes reading these statements can make me think..."hmmmm! and why do I need to see and hear these things? They are all basic and all so important for us to remember. So I will share with you just some of what I feel helps me in my daily life.

*  I can spread good in my sphere of influence.

*  It is ok to be a beginner.

*  I can change the course when I'm going the wrong way.

*  I can practice self-love without feeling guilty.

*  My story is still being written.

*  Other people's opinions have no bearing on my self-image.

*  My body deserves care and respect.

*  My perseverance pays off. 

*  I am on my own path.

*  I spread and attract positivity.

*  I trust that everything will work out as it is meant to.  

*  I am capable of incredible things.

There are many more that I could add, but that would be overkill. I am sure that many of my readers could add more of their own. I welcome you to add them in the comments. It could be a future blog with some of your ideas and comments.