Sunday, February 10, 2019

Happy, Happy 17 Years

There are times in my life, as in most other people's lives, that I have ignored red flags waving in my face when making choices for the wrong reasons. Yet, I chose to ignore them. This is not something that I am proud of, just pointing this out because it is coming up on Valentine's Day AND our 17th Wedding Anniversary, all on the same day! And this is how it happened.

This anniversary is so special to me because when I met this man, there were no red flags flying around me, only fireworks going off, whether I was with him or just thinking about him. 

Counting up everything, I was married for one year at an age that I thought that I knew everything. NOT. The only good thing is that I did not quit college and did not have children. Then came a marriage that lasted about 20 years. The best part of that marriage was the fact that I have two very special children and wonderful grandchildren now.

Pretty much, I thought my marrying days were over. I was not one to say that I would never marry again, let's just say that it was not on my radar screen. It actually was the best thing that could have happened to me when this ex walked away from our marriage. 

My now and forever husband had very similar circumstances in his earlier life. A brief marriage at too young of an age with no children. Then a longer marriage with two fabulous children and even though he was like myself in not initiating this action, it was one of the best things that happened to him. 

This gave both of us some time to find ourselves at a time in our lives that we each had some life  experiences to draw upon. We were a bit more seasoned. Yet the question is always out there. How do you know when it is the 'RIGHT' one? There really is no specific check list that works for everyone. For me, I just wanted to be aware of red flags. Another way to word this is that I knew what I did not want. 

The best kind of relationships just happen. You can't go out and look for it - it comes to you at just the right time; the time that you never thought it would have.

For our 19 years of being together and 17 years of this time being married, we continue to grow together more and more just by being ourselves and loving one another unconditionally. We see the whole picture of each other, our strengths and our weaknesses. We tell each other things that we would never tell anyone else because we can trust each other. Trust is there due to the respect that we have for one another. We rarely have arguments because of our respect. We agree to disagree on some subjects and this is healthy. We don't brush each other off because even if we think the other one is wrong, we take each other's opinions seriously.

Laughing a lot with each other is a big factor, even if we are laughing at ourselves. You know everything is going well if you feel as if you can totally be yourself around each other. This even means that it is okay to be quiet. Every moment does not have to be filled with chatter. It should feel comfortable to have some quiet time together, not awkward.

There are times that I know how much of a better person that I have become because of being with him. He brings out the best in me and I know that I do with him because he tells me so. The bottom line is that he just "gets me."

Does anyone know exactly what a good marriage is? I don't believe that it can be written out in specific words. It is a feeling that comes from within yourself. Most definitely, I have learned that a good marriage has to begin with a physical attraction. Chemistry must be an ingredient for the beginning of a healthy relationship. Where one must be careful is thinking that there are not other components. Two people must be willing to always be there for one another through happy and not so happy times, along with being able to talk about it.

 One thing comes to my mind is the fact that I still get butterflies when he holds my hand or see him walk around the car to open the door for me. It is our anniversary plus Valentine's Day so let's just go ahead and get a bit mushy. Something that he says that melts my heart is when he tells me (and quite often) that his favorite time of the day is when he is with me.

There are ways to show each other how much you love one another. Little things add up to big things such as my husband does not even drink coffee yet he makes my coffee daily and even brings it to me. When one of us starts off on a job around the house, the other one comes to help or takes care of another must do around the house. It surely does not hurt to be able to say, "I love you!" I imagine that we each say these special words to one another many times each day. This is not out of habit but a reminder to each other that we are in each other's lives.

The Beatles said it well when they sang," Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you!" 

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