IT'S A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY

 IT'S A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY

When is it a good day to choose to have a good day? Sounds kind of like a silly question? Well, in my mind it is all in how I look at it. The beginning of my day start with waking up. I can choose to wake up cranky or turn the whole mindset around to smiling and just being thankful that I did wake up and I will make it through the day with more good thoughts than bad ones.  After all, in my little world happiness is an inside job. No one should be given the power to take that away from me. Can bad things be going on in my life? YES! The magic is just how I handle it all. 

Taking a moment to think what is happening and how I will respond (not react) to it seems to be the best way to go at handling things going on in my life. Just throwing out examples of certain things that have been going on in my world. I am sure that you may be able to relate, plus add your own situations that you are dealing with. 

*  News from my CPA of a large amount owed to the       IRS 😕

*  Daily meds for my sweet goldendoodle to help her       with incontinence and always wondering if there will     be an accident on the top coverlet or not (thank           goodness for pee-pads strategically placed                   underneath to protect the duvet and mattress)

* Daily arthritic pain in knees that is controlled with       Tylenol and quarterly trips to my doctor for gel shots

* Wanting to go and see movies, plays, concerts etc       and no longer having my soulmate to go with me

 

I won't bore you with more. We all have such things going on and even more in our lives. I chose to take charge of each of these events going on in my life - each one of which I had no control over happening, however, I did have control of how I was going to handle everything.

I had to deal with my own little world and because I made choices that helped me know that all would be ok. I know within myself what works and even how to 'tweak' it to work possibly even better.

I put a plan in place for next year's taxes. This was my first year of filing as a single person. After Steve passed away it made a huge difference in my taxes for this year. I still was able to file jointly last year for 2022 taxes. However...a bit different for 2023 taxes. Was it a shock? YES! I would be lying if I did not admit that. After the shock wore off, I went into action and I took care of the problem as best that I could. There should not be a shocker tax bill next year now. I took control.

As for my sweet Maggie Mae, she will be on this medicine for life. Two pills a day given 12 hours apart. I have reset my own alarm to give her the meds. It does mean no sleeping in on the weekends. She was so easy to house train. Never had a problem. The first time she had a leakage problem she popped up, turned around and saw it and looked at me in shock. She is so prim, prissy, and proper that it shocked her and she just did not know what to do. After going to her vet, he knew exactly what the problem was and gave me the medicine to try. Glory hallelujah it worked. In the beginning, I did miss a pill a few times. And BOOM! She was a bit upset that it happened. No fussing at her though. More fussing silently at myself for forgetting to give it to her at the right time. On the more positive note, I have become much better at remembering. I MUST set my IPhone alarm. And there you go...two problems solved at once. I set the alarm for when to take my own Arthritis Tylenol and to use the gel to massage on my knees. It all works out. 

My joints have gotten better since I went on my healthy journey to lose weight. Now that I am 4 - 6 sizes smaller, I am sleeping better, moving better, and have the energy to get up and go places. Just that I no longer have Steve to go with. We went everywhere together. We were season ticket holders for the Redbirds, the Grizzlies and Live at the Garden concerts, as well as going to concerts of artists that we loved, and at the community theaters and the Broadway productions brought in to The Orpheum. Plus special times to just go out and have a breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner together with no cooking ourselves. Even though both of us loved to cook together. We would take turns being the head chef and the sous chef. Good times!

I have been working on that problem also. I have a wonderful group of friends that we have nicknamed ourselves The Lunch Bunch to go out for lunches. Also I have set up some lunch dates with my cousin who lives nearby so that we can catch up on our news monthly. Plus, she and I are going to see a play together. But when there is no one to go with, I boldly just buy my ticket and go alone. So far, I have seen Hamlet and Beautiful (the story of Carol King) as a single person. I have gone into Starbucks and Panera to work on some writing alone. My next adventure is to go in alone to have a lunch at a nice restaurant.

This has truly become my motto. I went on my healthy journey and lost all of my weight which has made my self-confidence boost sky high since I lost Steve. It is inspiration to live by. As I was going through the stages of losing my weight and posting my before and after pictures

I was asked what I was doing to lose so much weight and how hard it must have been. Truly, it was not hard. No other program ever worked for me, nor trained me and my mindset into eating healthy and exactly how to eat healthy and still be able to have some things that I totally avoided while on my actual journey. Now I am eating anything that I like and know how to eat like a normal person. I KNOW that I will not gain it back. No more yo-yo diets for me! I have a whole new wardrobe and got rid of the old and never want to see them again. What I was told quite often was that I was an inspiration to others. Me? I did not set out to be. So now, I am considering becoming a Coach for the program. If you or anyone that you know may be interested in finding out more information, you can find me on Facebook under Donna Jo Dillard Miles and let me know. Or leave a comment on this blog with your name and number for me to contact you. I have a wonderful Coach. She told me about the way she lost the weight and connected me to a community where I could see for myself. She, as other coaches are not out to give sale pitches. They are only there to get the information to you if you are interested. That is what made me want to go for it. 

I have learned that one should never say never. You just have to go with the flow and the this is where 'the flow' is taking me now. I see so many friends and acquaintances who took this journey and have continued to keep the weight off for many years. It is easy when you have the tools and the community to help you. 

DARE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF

 DARE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF

It can be exciting to go on an adventure of finding ways to express yourself creatively. Many times the thought of doing so goes straight to painting or drawing, as if only these activities involve being creative. Although, that is a great way of doing so, it is not the only way. Creativeness is all around us. 

Dare yourself to get BOLD about what brings you joy. Have the courage to go for it. And...you are not limited to just one way. The more-the merrier is my motto. At least to try them out. 

There are so many creative outlets that it would be a shame to leave some of them out of at least trying. It definitely has been a positive in my life to at least acknowledge and sometimes embrace my inner artist; whatever that form may be. I have found that it has opened up a brighter and fuller life for myself. It is a way to closely connect to my more authentic self and adds a satisfaction in unlocking my own unique gifts and the potential that is there.

Finding this out while in a 9 - 5 job was really important to me. Sometimes it could be a little frustrating in that I did not have the time that I needed to focus on my creativity at home. The good news was that I got to 'dabble' in different modes of creativeness so that when I did finally retire it made it easier to focus on what made me happy. Retirement was the perfect time to explore more of my creative side. It must be nurtured. We all nurture (or try to) our physical well-being. It is a fact that our creative side must be tended to also. 

Sometimes there is a fear of being wrong. There is no right or wrong in being creative. Well, perhaps I am not the best singer or musician in the world but I can sing my way through my showers. I can strum on my guitar when the mood hits me and I can also sing along with my playlists. There is nothing wrong about that. 

I feel that my strongest creative side is in not only painting and drawing but in writing. If I had not explored these areas then how would I know that?

So go ahead and become connected to not only yourself but to others by finding a creative purpose in your life. Never under nourish what makes you feel good and live that life. We are all so worth it. 

It is a good thing to share your uniqueness. How else would I have known that knitting, crocheting, and needlepointing just was not my thing. I tried it when someone shared their own skills with me. It brought them great joy which was a great thing for them. It just was not for me. 

The important thing is that others' ideas were shared with me. This is always a good thing for both the person sharing and the person who received a new way of being creative. (even if the idea is not one for them) You never know if you don't try. It is important to keep an open mind.

Let's just all dare ourselves to express the creativity inside our own souls.

HOLD ON TO YOUR WONDER

 HOLD ON TO YOUR WONDER

After reading some different research articles about always holding on to our wonder, it started to make be wonder...WHY? I found a quote to use on my daily milestone quote on Facebook that was not attributed to anyone. It simply said, "Hold On To Your Wonder." That resonated with me. I never want to give up my wonder. It is almost as if I enjoy and need to wonder in my wandering.

 

Experiencing wonder can leave us feeling inspired and energized, along the lines of gratitude and curiosity. A psychologist defined awe as the wonder we feel when we encounter something so powerful that we can't easily explain. Many times these things that bring us wonder have a vastness and complexity, such as a starry night, a special act of kindness, or the beauty of something small and intricate. Such things as the colors of the leaves or an act of virtuous behavior of others: an act of dedication, skill, or courage. It seems to always be the most simple things.

It is important to cultivate these experiences as they give us hope for our future. Besides the tingling goosebumps or lower heart rate - it may affect us emotionally. A desire to connect with others and our own sense of self may shrink.

Besides reducing stress, research has shown that experiencing something bigger than us helps us frame our reference by stimulating new ways of thinking. This increases creativity and innovation, along with ethical decision making.

The feeling of wonder and awe frequently happens in solitude but with that being said, it also helps us to build relationships. It helps to provide social connection. I remember when my husband worked for a very large corporation he would take walks on the paths among the buildings for informal meetings. Another name for these walks could be named the "awe walks." Sometimes he even went alone and would take twenty minutes of his lunch time to wander and just be curious and observe the everyday beauty around him instead of rushing by. Things like a buzzing bee flitting from flower to flower. After a wonder walk, I am sure that most of us would feel inspired. 

If you are not able to get outside, use the internet and find some happy good news, music to inspire you, or even a simple story of one person making a difference can inspire others around the world. Journal writing about something that took my breath away or just plain made me happy to be on this planet can cause wonderment within me.

Sometimes we spend much of our time trying to stake our claims out to be heard and at times it almost feels counterintuitive to engage in something that might stimulate feelings of our own "smallness." Doing so through a positive experience of wonder can bring us that sense of grounding that we all search for, along with the benefits of energy, inspiration and resilience for ourselves.

OUR OWN UNIQUE GIFTS

OUR OWN UNIQUE GIFTS

 

Imagine for a moment that we spread our own wings to help spread our own unique gifts with the world. I have that picture in my mind when I think of self-care. Self-care is all about taking care of ourselves so that we are able to help care for others who need a bit of help from others.

I like to imagine that if I continue to spread my wings and fly that the unique gifts that I may have can reach others by sharing. Let's face it. Being human is hard. That is just that way life is. There is no sense in digging a hole and hiding our heads in the sand just to pretend that issues are not all around us to handle. 

Instead of looking at it as "handling" the issues, I like to look at it as thriving. A good motto could be, "Thrive and not just Survive." 

Thriving for me is the ability to handle challenges with less struggle by being aligned with my own unique gifts and sharing these gifts in ways that feel joyful.

There is no good reason that I can think of for anyone to hold their breath and wait until things get calmer or easier. Life happens. For me, I can say there are ups and downs and the word on the street is to just go with the flow. 

Being able to thrive and go with the flow actually fills me with positive energy and gives me a magical feeling of being alive and on this earth for a purpose. Life is just too short to dread our day or just to 'get through them.' LIVE THEM WITH GUSTO. I can agree that some days are livelier than others. I may lean more to the positive way of looking at life but I also am realistic. We are all human and I have my moments. The smart thing is to give myself these moments and pick myself up and start again. 

Instead of worrying about stuff that I could not control, I discovered that by focusing more on how I could share some of my gifts with others. Just the very fact of sharing another way to look at a problem or issue that we all go through in life. This helps to shift worry into creative actions.

Taking care of ourselves is not being selfish. In order to help others, we first must help ourselves to be stronger. Love ourselves. This in turn can be shared with others to witness how it works. It is a continuous circle of caring.

We all deserve happiness. This must become a self-belief. You really can't help make everyone else feel happy and feel good if we ourselves are not happy. This means to not put ourselves on the back burner. This will make us feel drained and less able to handle stress.

Practicing self-love and self-respect, as well as self-compassion is what will guide us to be able to help others and share our own uniqueness. Remembering that self-love isn't conditional. It is not earned. We are all a being - not a doing. We are deserving as human beings.

Doing things that make us feel good and fuels us is basically what life is all about. It is not ever the time to just put it off for later. Never stop dreaming. There really is more beyond out there for all of us. I never want to coast through life. It really is more fun to be a little bolder and to be daring. Find what brings you most joy, go for it and share it. 

LIFE IS TOUGH

 LIFE IS TOUGH

It is so true that the hardest part of healing after losing someone you love is to recover the "you" that went away with them. So many times I have to remind myself that yes indeed, life is tough. But dang it...so am I. I can actually hear Steve saying the words above to me personally. Sometimes it is not always easy to give myself accolades so I use my collection of mantras to read and write about; such as I am amazing. I have made it work thanks to a wonderful family and great friends. And I will not leave out my willingness to ride the wave of life.

It is so very important to just keep right on growing.

 

It is so true, that I would rather be growing with Steve. Believe it or not, I am still slowly taking care of some of his treasures in his drawers and boxes. It is a way of feeling closer to him. There are so many times that I do not feel alone and I can feel him around me. However crazy you may think that sounds, it is true for me. And for me? I plan of doing more of what I love. 

Definitely, I am conscious of my treasures. There are so many treasures that Steve helped me to discover when we met and the 20 + years afterwards. That is how I know that I am not alone. As The Beatles song of Now and Then states, "And if I make it through, it's all because of you." He really did make me a stronger person and continues to do so. I know that he would be so proud of how I finally took hold of my life after losing him and took a healthy journey for me. That alone has given me the courage to know that adventure awaits; always keep the doors always open. Don't just survive, THRIVE! I can hear him giving me this advice.

If you have read my blogs before or followed my Facebook page you definitely know by now that I believe in quotes and mantras to get me through my day in the positive manner that I wish. If I woke up feeling like a 'Debbie Downer' than it would not be worth getting up and being a grumpy bear all day. I post the mantras on my page more for myself than anyone else. When I was working, I shared one a week with the staff that I worked with and called them djmilestones. I never knew how they were accepted until I noticed in some classrooms that teachers put these little colored strips of paper with the weekly milestone quote around their rooms. WOW! That was powerful. So I knew that it was not just me that felt that way. Even through my FB page, some friends write that they really do enjoy reading the positive quotes or sayings that I post. If it helps someone else then great. It makes me happy.

Some other mantras that I have picked up along the way and are still my favorites, I will share with you on this blog:

• ~When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~
• "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."  Dr. Seuss
• "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."  Winnie the Pooh
• "What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us."  Helen Keller
• ~ Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day...unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear. ~

This one truly gave me meaning and helped me understand what I was going though. We all are different and we all walk in different shoes. 

Please allow me to share that for the longest time I felt that moving on meant forgetting about my life with Steve. This alone made me NOT want to move on. Finally, I learned that moving on does not mean letting go. It is from the following quote by Mary VanHaute:

"You will survive and you will find purpose in the chaos. Moving on doesn't mean letting go."

  

In memory of our wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day 2/14/2002:

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO: HMMMMM!

 THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO: HMMMMM

There are some things swirling around in my brain that for whatever reason, I just think about asking myself if I should even be doing these things. Most of the time, for me, the answer is a great big loud, "NO!" That does not mean that it is not right for another person. We all have our own certain characteristics. What fits one does not always fit another. Some of these things still make me go: hmmmmmm. 

Some of these things are:

Arguing with other people  -  Why? If they say 

2 + 2 =5 then just say, yes, you are correct. (Unless I am a teacher with students or on the debate team). Adults seem to form their own opinions and there is no point in trying to convince them otherwise.

Drama - There are some people who have mastered the art of their own personal drama and live for it. I don't have to participate.

People Pleaser - At one point, I had to come to the conclusion that everyone does not have to like me so I do not have to try to please every one. In fact, there is no way to try to please everybody. I just do what I feel is right when I must make decisions

Sitting on the floor - Yes, I can sit on the floor. It is the getting up part that is tricky (basically due to my knees - a little noisy and a bit painful, so I just choose a chair or a low stool.

Excuses - I have come to realize the if the truth be told in the very beginning, then there is no need to ramble on and on with excuses.

Eating food that is not delicious  - Now that I am on my own healthy lifestyle journey, one of my questions to myself is why waste calories if it is not delicious? It is a matter of picking and choosing what I find to be delicious and healthy. And if it is not exactly on my program, then portion control becomes very important if I believe it to be worth the calories.

Partying, staying up too late, and hangovers -

Some of these things go together and for me the question comes up of why? Yes, I like to party just like most others, but I must be the one to chose for me the time to go. I am not in a good mood the next day if I stay up too late. Then having a glass of wine is great. My college days of waking up with an occasional hangover has long passed me by. I had to learn the hard way. (and painful with the headache)

Perhaps you have your life guidelines too. And maybe they are totally different from mine. No two people are ever exactly the same and that is ok! 

Whatever we all go by to live a happy life (as long as it is not harming others) is great. Find your own way! I am finding my own way and it changes here and there along the way. To me, that simply means that I am always evolving. 

 HMMMMM