REINVENTABILITY
So many people are in various stages of reinventing themselves. A state of what I like to call, "REINVENTABILITY!" I like that word. Why? Because we all are capable of reinventing ourselves and actually for the most part it is a natural state to be in. That is unless you want to just stay stagnant. Few people want that, yet so many people fear change. To evolve into something new, you really must be willing to let go of familiar habits and interactions that do not serve you and your future self in a way that you would like to see your future self. It can be scary and it can be uncomfortable and yes...it is most definitely uncertain.
On my journey of reinvention I am learning that all will be okay. I believe that I have always been a reinventor of myself. Some times more than other times. I have always loved changing jobs and trying new and challenging activities. However, when I lost Steve about 23 months ago, I did become stagnant. Probably in hindsight it could be called shell shock. I could not imagine my life without him. There was a sense of hopelessness. Definitely not a place that I wanted to be.
For me, this was a good place to begin. It is a place that once you discover that you want to change something we must look within ourselves. We all tend to look on the outside. Reinvention actually begins from within ourselves. It requires action and making changes for a sense of purpose. Start with a self-inquiry. That is a foundation for all reinventions. It is a matter of following your own joy and enthusiasm. It requires letting go of the "old" you in so many ways. And that was so hard for me.
Finally, I did come to the conclusion that my life would never be the same as it was with Steve. I used my journal to talk to him about my NEW daily life without him. There was no longer the two of us going to movies, plays, concerts, or even planning meals and cooking together. Much less sitting down to a gorgeous table setting with linen napkins and flowers, wine, etc.
My action plan was to start fresh with a new look for our breakfast room. One that fit all 5 of us as a family. This is just the beginning. The walls will be painted a lighter color than the chairs and everything is washable and easy to clean. It was my action plan taking place. Did it make me happy? YES!
Whew! I have a most marvelous family of a spectacular daughter and two granddaughters who mean the world to me. I could not bear to be without them now. Dinnertime was one example that I had to come to terms with. Two family members gulped down their dinner and at times start eating before we all are even seated as a family. Just something they were used to doing. Left at the table would be my daughter and youngest granddaughter with me. We barely had even started eating and off two other family members go. One to go upstairs to do her homework and the other one to go sit in his favorite chair and play on his smart phone. That is one thing that is not allowed at the table. And that is a very good thing.
To help me get through this kind of family meal, I just worked on my mindset that it was good that we all at least sat down to have a nightly meal together unless school activities prevented that. We usually just have a later dinner that night. So...the word to the wise is just to be glad and positive for the little things that are happening. I can only reinvent myself. Others must fend for themselves.
The action that I took and the changes that I made all became a part of my reinvention. We still all sat down but on a less formal breakfast room set, no cloth napkins and more of a buffet style so that the dishwasher is not overloaded with a family of 5 for dinner and then adding in all of the lunchbox containers from school and work that day. Now I know why some households have 2 dishwashers. It made for a happier me. That was my action to help reinvent the dinnertime in our house.
I followed my joy of having my daughter and her family with me. This gave me a sense of purpose. I worked on getting myself healthy again and instead of my daughter having to take care of me...I am able to do things like be the head cook most of the time. She still loves to grill and make some of her specialties but only when she is not rushing in from work and picking up kids from school and after-school activities. Those days there is no time for a healthy dinner. I honestly love cooking. When we plan the week's meals together we take into consideration the plans of everyone for the day. It works! I simply had to let go of the way things used to be and it was not going to be that particular way again. It can be very exciting to work on reinvention from the inside out. It is a matter of shifting from one kind of life to another.
Reinvention happens when something pulls at your soul. It is the creative side of myself coming out and exploring what makes me happy and not being afraid to try something new.
Going to a movie or play alone...or perhaps on a trip. Connecting to what feels joyful. Once I begin, I can feel a momentum growing and little voices in my head telling me that change is good.
We all must figure out our next chapter. Forget the 'What-ifs' and remember that action is so much more powerful than thoughts. Taking steps in the direction of your goals helps you to forget all of the 'what-ifs' and focus on your next chapter. That is what reinvention is all about. Every single action has major benefits and you learn from it and discover something about yourself. Everyone is able to harness their inherent ability to reinvent themselves.
My husband and I had decided to get costumes to go to a Halloween party. We thought about what we could go as and we came up with a costume from the TV series MASH. He would be Hawkeye and I would be Nurse Houlihan. We ordered the MASH army green t-shirts, dog tags and camouflage pants. Steve had a robe to put on, as Hawkeye usually wore one when not on duty. Then October 23rd was Steve's last day with me. We never made it to the Halloween party.
The reason that I bring this particular story up is that just the other day, I was going through a drawer that I had not checked for clothes that were now too large for me and there our costumes were. So many emotions! After showing them to my daughter, she asked what was I going to do with them. Obviously, even mine was way too big for me now so I very quickly said that I guess they will get packed up to donate. In a blink of an eye she asked me to think about using them for night shirts. Both were actually long enough to do just that. PLUS, had the extra benefit of feeling so close to Steve just by wearing them and sleeping in them. So I took her suggestion and it felt so good sleeping in what was to be our costumes for a party but through reinventing how I felt about them and that simple action plan turned my whole outlook around.
I have discovered that this was just one of many significant challenges that I faced when I lost my soulmate. Instead of just curling up and feeling sorry for myself, I continue to make plans and take actions that help to bring me joy and happiness. Life, after all, is supposed to be an adventure, and finding new ways is what makes it all so exciting. Do I still have my emotional moments of getting teary-eyed and missing him like crazy? Of course, I do. I hear Steve's voice telling me not to be sad because he will always be right there with me. I know this for a fact! Emotional vulnerability is important because it helps you through to a transition - a REINVENTION!
Connecting with Steve through a red cardinal that comes to my study window and perches on the birdseed stand while staring in at me. Usually, it is when something is on my mind that I always used to have him to talk to about. I can hear his wise words telling me that everything is gonna be alright!
My words to myself are to always embrace challenges of possibilities...keeping my mindset in positive ways to grow.
