BE CAUTIOUS OF PERCEPTIONS

 BE CAUTIOUS OF PERCEPTIONS

Perceptions of beauty are shaped by society, culture and personal preferences. Beauty is definitely a timeless and elusive concept that means something different to almost everyone.

Yes, there are at least some shared social definitions of what beauty looks like, but, even that can change in a heartbeat. In this blog, I would like to talk about all ages, however, I am honing in on the 60+ age group. In this sector of society, the perception of beauty is more personal. Most in this age group do not describe themselves as attractive in the traditional sense. They  tend to offer a different perception of beauty. These women that were interviewed did consider themselves still beautiful in their 60's and their answers were always honest and they were confident. Here are some of their replies:

Yes, nature is changing my body and I accept it with grace...

What counts is to dress well and with style...

Beauty for me is having a positive attitude...

Looking through rose tinted glasses are the best...

There is so much more now because it is all about what is inside that matters...

There are so many interesting perceptions of beauty. Really it boils down to taking care of ourselves. That goes beyond bubble baths and spa days (but those are so very important). But what really matters is what is going on inside ourselves. If we struggle with negative thoughts or a lack of confidence, then cultivating a sense of self-love is where we need to begin. 

Treating ourselves with kindness and compassion, along with grace while setting and respecting our own healthy boundaries is what serves our own well-being. We need to be sure to build for our soul a beautiful home. Knowing that it is ok to be a little weird and quirky is important. Perfection is not reality.

It really boils down to deciding what you want and then do that. Go for that goal. As Judy Blume was quoted, "Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives."

YES! So true! Life is not a matter of milestones but of moments. Take the time to find each moment that brings us happiness and just relish in it. Our golden opportunities that we seek are within ourselves.

So just go ahead and have your own perceptions to define yourself. Others will perceive us as how we present ourselves. That is reality. So go with all of your grace and self-confidence that you can gather and you with have your perception of yourself inside your head of exactly the way you desire it to be. 

THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE!

LIFE IS SHORT AND IT IS HERE TO BE LIVED!

FRESH BEGINNINGS

 FRESH BEGINNINGS

"Every moment is a fresh beginning."

T.S. Eliot

There is a wonderful feeling when we discover that when we begin fresh - all over again...magic happens. It is just one way to work at reinventing ourselves. We need to uncover our unique abilities. It gives all of us a sense of well-being. It is true that if we run from uncovering new abilities and experiences that one way or another life finds a way to make it happen for us. Sometimes that way takes the power away from us and is not always pleasant. 

I believe that many of us, myself included, feel at times that we must confront facing our "issues." That is really such harsh word. I am all about the vocabulary and instead of using the word confront, I heard that uncovering was used in many discussions. There is always time to find our own uniqueness. At times it is just too easy to blame our own responsibilities for not taking the time to find ourselves by uncovering our unique abilities. 

Once a person reaches a certain age, time seems to just fly by so there is no time like the present to get busy creating ourselves in the way that we would like to become. Uncovering our positive attributes to help make us better humans just feels joyful and positive. 

In reality, there is no such thing as standing still. Think of it as a flower. We are either growing or we are wilting. I don't know about you, but I am not fond of wilting flowers, therefore I do not want to find myself wilting away. I need to always feel like something new is calling me. It is a matter of me taking life by the reins and embracing whatever new may come my way. Otherwise, I have discovered that I feel STUCK! At one point I remember asking myself if this was all that there was. 

By gosh it is not. I have a lot to live for and to experience. There are many things on my bucket list and everyone's list is not the same. I can assure you that riding roller coasters, zip-lining, parachuting, or hiking are not on my list of what I need to experience. And that is ok, as long as I am willing to explore new dimensions of my life that might bring me joy and meaning. 

Hope tells me all of the reasons why I could do something and hope most definitely is not blind optimism. It is taking action and I know that it is important to remember that hope does not come with guarantees. Hopeful actions help to build my own self-confidence. Another way to look at it is to remember this quote from Morris West:  "If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine." Hang on to that HOPE.

Some things that I have decided to work on are listed below. The list is quite long, so for this blog I have only named a few. 

• Don't wait. Do it now. Whatever my "it" is, why wait?
• Stop feeling guilty when I put on my brakes to just slow down and take it easy. It is a delicious feeling to wake up with coffee or maybe an organic tea and just read. Then take a shower and get dressed much later in the morning. I stopped beating myself up because of doing this. Hey! I am retired and that means that I can do what I want when I want. 
• We have a family dinner for 5 most every night that there are no specific activities going on and we all 'power off' at the dinner table. Take time to listen to one another and carry on conversations.
• Besides working on getting better at getting my blog out on time and getting my novel ready for the editor, I have accomplished reading a book every two weeks. That was my goal and sometimes I even surpass that goal. 
• Continue writing in my journal. I have done this for over 25 years. I miss writing in my journal at the same time with my soulmate. But I now write in my journal about what my day was like, how my emotions were for that day, and even write as if I am talking with him. It truly is comforting to me. I also have a Gratitude Bowl. 

Using colorful Post-it notes, I write one thing specifically that I am grateful for each day. Yes, when it fills up, I must clean it out and start fresh. I have a special place where I keep the old papers. I just can't bear to throw them away. Reading them over again brings me great joy. 

Find what brings you happiness and start you own fresh beginnings...at your own pace. There is no right or wrong unless we allow ourselves to wilt. Feed the flower.

THE NEXT CHAPTER

 THE NEXT CHAPTER

If you actually think about your own life as a book, you could divide it into chapters. Looking back we all have had exciting chapters with lots of adventure, happy chapters with laughter and sunshine filled with rainbows and yes...even sad chapters that at times made it hard to get out of that funk!

Sometimes it is the psychological phenomenon where we feel motivated to take on new goals or a new way of doing things. These things help to create a mental divide between our old self and our new self. This can spur us to make a change - open a new chapter in our lives.

Be wary though, because a fresh start is powerful only if your goals are significant to you and you commit to constant action to progress towards those goals.

An important thing to remember as you make these fresh starts or begin to reinvent yourself is that you don't want to do so in a rush. Our brain loves to do this. Actually, part of our culture leads us into this mindset. I, for one, do not want to be in my Halloween costume, eating Thanksgiving dinner while putting up Christmas decorations. The stores are full of winter clothes in August. Not to mention the fact that there are also Halloween costumes out and not far behind are all of the holiday decorations. AAgghhh! Too much! Too fast! Let's slow it down some and think of that reinventing goal and try to think if there is enough time to do so. Well...there are 3.5 months left in 2024. Now is the time to do something with that remaining time instead of just thinking about what you want to create within yourself. 

There is still so much time to create and accomplish some of your goals. Really, it is very awesome just to think about where you could be by the end of the year if you begin to take action now. In your mind get some clarity on what you truly want for the next chapter in your life. Ask yourself what feels meaningful and good to you. Once you have established this you can begin to envision exactly what is possible and know some of the ways to take action on your journey.

Reinvention is so very exciting. Challenging? Yes! The excitement can push you forward to achieve what will make you happy. Sometimes even taking care of unfinished projects and goals is what will become most important to you.

The way that I look at this next chapter in my life is:

It can be scary to get out of our comfort zone, but there is a reason people say it's important - it opens us up to new experiences and encourages personal growth. Each time we try something for the first time, we grow. A little piece of fear is replaced with empowerment. How we handle fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives.

REINVENTABILITY

 REINVENTABILITY

So many people are in various stages of reinventing themselves. A state of what I like to call, "REINVENTABILITY!" I like that word. Why? Because we all are capable of reinventing ourselves and actually for the most part it is a natural state to be in. That is unless you want to just stay stagnant. Few people want that, yet so many people fear change. To evolve into something new, you really must be willing to let go of familiar habits and interactions that do not serve you and your future self in a way that you would like to see your future self. It can be scary and it can be uncomfortable and yes...it is most definitely uncertain.

On my journey of reinvention I am learning that all will be okay. I believe that I have always been a reinventor of myself. Some times more than other times. I have always loved changing jobs and trying new and challenging activities. However, when I lost Steve about 23 months ago, I did become stagnant. Probably in hindsight it could be called shell shock. I could not imagine my life without him. There was a sense of hopelessness. Definitely not a place that I wanted to be.

For me, this was a good place to begin. It is a place that once you discover that you want to change something we must look within ourselves. We all tend to look on the outside. Reinvention actually begins from within ourselves. It requires action and making changes for a sense of purpose. Start with a self-inquiry. That is a foundation for all reinventions. It is a matter of following your own joy and enthusiasm. It requires letting go of the "old" you in so many ways. And that was so hard for me. 

Finally, I did come to the conclusion that my life would never be the same as it was with Steve. I used my journal to talk to him about my NEW daily life without him. There was no longer the two of us going to movies, plays, concerts, or even planning meals and cooking together. Much less sitting down to a gorgeous table setting with linen napkins and flowers, wine, etc.

My action plan was to start fresh with a new look for our breakfast room. One that fit all 5 of us as a family. This is just the beginning. The walls will be painted a lighter color than the chairs and everything is washable and easy to clean. It was my action plan taking place. Did it make me happy? YES!

Whew! I have a most marvelous family of a spectacular daughter and two granddaughters who mean the world to me. I could not bear to be without them now. Dinnertime was one example that I had to come to terms with. Two family members gulped down their dinner and at times start eating before we all are even seated as a family. Just something they were used to doing. Left at the table would be my daughter and youngest granddaughter with me. We barely had even started eating and off two other family members go. One to go upstairs to do her homework and the other one to go sit in his favorite chair and play on his smart phone. That is one thing that is not allowed at the table. And that is a very good thing. 

To help me get through this kind of family meal, I just worked on my mindset that it was good that we all at least sat down to have a nightly meal together unless school activities prevented that. We usually just have a later dinner that night. So...the word to the wise is just to be glad and positive for the little things that are happening. I can only reinvent myself. Others must fend for themselves. 

The action that I took and the changes that I made all became a part of my reinvention. We still all sat down but on a less formal breakfast room set, no cloth napkins and more of a buffet style so that the dishwasher is not overloaded with a family of 5 for dinner and then adding in all of the lunchbox containers from school and work that day. Now I know why some households have 2 dishwashers. It made for a happier me. That was my action to help reinvent the dinnertime in our house. 

I followed my joy of having my daughter and her family with me. This gave me a sense of purpose. I worked on getting myself healthy again and instead of my daughter having to take care of me...I am able to do things like be the head cook most of the time. She still loves to grill and make some of her specialties but only when she is not rushing in from work and picking up kids from school and after-school activities. Those days there is no time for a healthy dinner. I honestly love cooking. When we plan the week's meals together we take into consideration the plans of everyone for the day. It works! I simply had to let go of the way things used to be and it was not going to be that particular way again. It can be very exciting to work on reinvention from the inside out. It is a matter of shifting from one kind of life to another. 

Reinvention happens when something pulls at your soul. It is the creative side of myself coming out and exploring what makes me happy and not being afraid to try something new.

Going to a movie or play alone...or perhaps on a trip. Connecting to what feels joyful. Once I begin, I can feel a momentum growing and little voices in my head telling me that change is good. 

We all must figure out our next chapter. Forget the 'What-ifs' and remember that action is so much more powerful than thoughts. Taking steps in the direction of your goals helps you to forget all of the 'what-ifs' and focus on your next chapter. That is what reinvention is all about. Every single action has major benefits and you learn from it and discover something about yourself. Everyone is able to harness their inherent ability to reinvent themselves.

 

My husband and I had decided to get costumes to go to a Halloween party. We thought about what we could go as and we came up with a costume from the TV series MASH. He would be Hawkeye and I would be Nurse Houlihan. We ordered the MASH army green t-shirts, dog tags and camouflage pants. Steve had a robe to put on, as Hawkeye usually wore one when not on duty. Then October 23rd was Steve's last day with me. We never made it to the Halloween party. 

The reason that I bring this particular story up is that just the other day, I was going through a drawer that I had not checked for clothes that were now too large for me and there our costumes were. So many emotions! After showing them to my daughter, she asked what was I going to do with them. Obviously, even mine was way too big for me now so I very quickly said that I guess they will get packed up to donate. In a blink of an eye she asked me to think about using them for night shirts. Both were actually long enough to do just that. PLUS, had the extra benefit of feeling so close to Steve just by wearing them and sleeping in them. So I took her suggestion and it felt so good sleeping in what was to be our costumes for a party but through reinventing how I felt about them and that simple action plan turned my whole outlook around.

I have discovered that this was just one of many significant challenges that I faced when I lost my soulmate. Instead of just curling up and feeling sorry for myself, I continue to make plans and take actions that help to bring me joy and happiness. Life, after all, is supposed to be an adventure, and finding new ways is what makes it all so exciting. Do I still have my emotional moments of getting teary-eyed and missing him like crazy? Of course, I do. I hear Steve's voice telling me not to be sad because he will always be right there with me. I know this for a fact! Emotional vulnerability is important because it helps you through to a transition  -  a REINVENTION!

Connecting with Steve through a red cardinal that comes to my study window and perches on the birdseed stand while staring in at me. Usually, it is when something is on my mind that I always used to have him to talk to about. I can hear his wise words telling me that everything is gonna be alright! 

My words to myself are to always embrace challenges of possibilities...keeping my mindset in positive ways to grow.

IS IT TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF?

 IS IT TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF?

  

Reinventing yourself is not a standard process. It is important to view your own reinvention as a journey of self-discovery. It is a case of finding your “why.” It is letting go of your past and moving forward to your future. 

From a new haircut, new way of doing make-up, going to see a play, movie or just out to eat alone. I have been taking baby steps that take me out of my comfort zone. This did not happen until I felt comfortable within myself. Losing 100 lbs did that for me. I always had Steve with me before. Now, for things we did together, I am finding ways to still do; even if alone sometimes. And for now, it is ok to take baby steps. I would love to have gone to some recent concerts but they are at 8-10ish. I don't quite feel safe out alone walking to my car alone. Maybe I will get there? Baby steps for now. The Grizzlies are also on TV. So, I can watch them at least. Matinees are how I get around the movies and plays. Along with going out with a friend. But for night events, most all women I know feel the same as I do.  

Self-reflection is an inseparable part of reinvention. Through self-care, journaling, and meditation with mindful breathing you can gain a better understanding of yourself. Self-reflection also helps in emotional intelligence. It is important to always be honest with yourself. That can be challenging. Ask for support if you need it. Believe me, it takes a whole community to grow and to reinvent yourself. Surround yourself with the right people. People who can bring you up and not pull you down. Celebrate all successes - big or small. This helps boost confidence and self-worth. It encourages constant learning and teaches us to always continue to explore new parts of ourselves. 

 

Making small changes to reinvent ourselves is putting it all in perspective. Those small changes can make a big difference. This is for real and no pretending allowed. Start slowly with reimagining our lives and finding the joy in small steps. Turn around the everyday stuff that we all must do by making them exciting. 

Go ahead and make your life a fairy tale by reinventing yourself. 

SMILING HAS SUPERPOWERS

SMILING HAS SUPERPOWERS

 

The song, "When you are smiling, when you are smiling, the whole world smiles with you." Yes, indeed, that song is exactly right. It not only makes you feel better but everyone that you smile at feels better also. Smiles are contagious. That is but just one of the many superpowers of a smile.

Research from the University of Missouri-Kansas City has shown that there are many benefits of smiling.

Benefits:

• Smiling can make you look younger. Hey, who doesn't like this idea? It is a perception of how other see you as being younger than you actually are. People with frowns were perceived as older.
• Smiling can make you look thinner. Sad faces that were flashed on a screen were perceived to be heftier. I found this to be surprising but maybe a mouth turned down in a frown might give the impression that the person is weighted down by unhappiness?
• Smiling elevates your mood and creates a sense of well-being. Every time you smile dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin are spreading in your brain. In other words, a party started in your brain, so to speak. Join in!
• Smiling induces more pleasure in the brain than chocolate. I had a little trouble believing this (depending on the chocolate) but British researchers found that one smile can generate the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 bars of chocolate. Hmmmm - just reporting what I found in research! 
  
  
  
• Even a forced smile can lead to a mood boost. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist author, said, "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." Research subjects directed to place a pencil between their teeth, forcing their lips into a smile, actually felt better. Odd, but true. So it is a good thing to put on a happy face.
• Smiles can predict fulfillment in marriage. Think about this for a moment. Who wants to live with a grouch? 
  
  
  
• Smiling can make you seem courteous, likable, and competent. The speculation is that if you look sad and anxious then maybe others are wondering what you are up to. So really, it is good for your business.
• The span of a person's smile can predict lifespan. A smile can be worth seven extra years according to a Wayne University study. They looked over baseball cards. They discovered that players who didn't smile in their pictures lived an average of only 72.9 years. Players with beaming smiles lived an average of almost 80 years! Hank Aaron was born in 1934 and he passed away in 2021. 
  
  
  
• Smiling is contagious. It lifts everyone's spirits. The one smiling, as well as those that are smiled at. Just smile!

Sometimes your insides just make you smile.

WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE THAT TWEEN'S HEAD?

 WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE THAT TWEEN'S HEAD

If only we as grown-ups could figure this out. Actually, if we took the time to sit down and think about it, not that much has changed since we were that age. Between sixth and eighth grade a whole lot of 'stuff' is going on in that body and brain. Hormones are out of control which in turn can turn a tween into an unpredictable narcissist; becoming rude and defiant one minute and then turning around and becoming emotionally clingy the next. Trust me, they have long figured out that their parents are not anywhere close to being as cool as Taylor Swift or Stephen Curry, much less their BFF who hangs the moon in their eyes. This leaves many parents wondering where their precious child's body is. What alien has stolen it? Well, that alien is called hormones.

When kids reach puberty, their brain produces hormones that run wild. Teens need our love, support, and advice throughout this traumatic time...even though it seems to be very much unwanted at times by them. We may even ask ourselves, "Are they even listening, much less comprehending?"

As long as we remember the brain's primary growth area is the prefrontal cortex of the frontal lobes which in layman's terms is "the central decision maker" of the brain. This may help guide parents. This is where functions such as decision-making take place. If you have noticed that your tween has become totally disorganized or that they now seek a private area such as a locked box or a drawer, then trace this back to their brain working on the concept of making decisions. It is going through a tremendous "rewiring" process and can be disorienting for the tween and many times exhibits itself as poor decision-making and/or emotional outbursts.

At this age many tweens indulge in risk-taking behavior. Some of the behaviors are more dangerous than others. This is where good communication, especially prior to this age comes into play. They can sometimes hear your voice of what can be too dangerous and what may just be a good time. Let's face it, this is even difficult for many adults. Being around your tween and knowing where they are and who they are with can help all parents know what is going on most of the time. That older saying that was on the 10:00 news, "It is 10:00. Do you know where your children are?" The answer should always be YES.

Yikes! What is going on with all of the physical changes in their bodies? This is the time before it happens, to go ahead and have 'the talk' about all of the physical changes that will be taking place in their bodies. Middle school-age children are so often self-conscious about their body development and have anxieties about how others view them. Let them know that everything is normal. It may help reduce that anxiety.

May tweens want to slurp and eat their way through junk food heaven because of the "pleasure" centers of the brain. This develops before they have the ability to calculate long-term consequences. As the adult, we do have to provide some limits and provide healthy food without depriving some of the pleasures of fries, shakes, candy, etc. This will help teach them the healthy way to eat and not lead to obesity nor feeling deprived from having occasional treats. 

Research has been done that show too much video gaming and social media is not a good thing. There needs to be a limit that is set between parent and child. This seems to be difficult for many parents, as they also seem to be addicted to their cell phones. How many times have you been out to restaurants and observed a whole family not engaging in conversation but instead are on their cell phones. In my opinion this is just so sad. The only other thing that is even more concerning is that it has been proven that if tweens are playing violent video games it affects their thinking ability within their brain. A word of advice is to be sure that their games focus on racing or skills that do not involve violence.

On a very happy note (sorry for that pun) it has been proven in studies that students enrolled in formal instrumental or choral music instruction outperformed their peers in math, especially algebra. The research suggests that musicians process music in the same cortical regions of the brain that tweens process algebra. It did not seem to matter what instrument or whether or not they were in the chorus. It is all about the music!

No matter if we want to believe it or not, there is a gender gap. Brain development happens faster in females than in males. Academic abilities might also vary widely. In girls, language and fine motor skills generally mature first. In fact, probably due to the culture and not the biology, girls are now catching up in math skills. The research on the differences in male and female brains helped to make this happen.

The ability to plan, problem solve, process complex thoughts, do deductive reasoning and process information needs to continue to be strengthened. This can be done through strategic brain-building activities such as checkers, backgammon, chess, and even some tactical thinking video games. This will help improve middle-schoolers' interconnectedness to a variety of problem-solving skills.

When helping your tween develop their minds, don't forget about their muscles. Exercise has a significant positive effect on cognitive development. Students with higher fitness levels get higher grades and usually perform better on tests. Yet, recess and play seems to be the first thing that is cut from school curriculums. This is where parents need to take a stand. If the school is not providing it then after-school programs would be the answer.

A middle-schooler's continually evolving brain requires firm guidance from diligent adults. It needs to be consistent, compassionate, goal-clarifying, and allow the tween to build self-esteem by making intelligent choices. Over-controlling is in the same category as over-indulgent "permissive parents. 

 

No one ever said raising a child would be easy. There is no book at the bookstore that you can buy that gives you strict guidelines. Probably because raising one child is so totally different from another child. Even siblings in the same family need difficult forms of guidance and develop differently. 

MOST IMPORTANTLY: