SETBACKS AND STRESS FACTORS

 SETBACKS AND STRESS FACTORS

Who has not ever experienced a setback? It can be at a very young age when you did not get that toy you 'needed' more than anything else. Or maybe a day(s) at school that you got in trouble for talking when you should not have been, passing notes, or chewing gum - whatever it was you broke a rule and had a consequence or let's say a SETBACK that caused stress.

As a child that was incredibly embarrassing for most of us, as an adult, setbacks usually are a bit more serious. The consequences can bring so much more stress to our lives.

However, there is something that we as adults tend to forget or overlook. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."  ~Charles R. Swindoll~

We might not be able to control what happens to us, but we sure can control our responses and attitudes. I can see some of you right this very minute thinking about what kind of person has that sort of optimism. After reading a few books, I realized that life will always throw us curveballs and give us setbacks. These can actually reshape our lives depending on how we respond and handle the stress it caused.

Handling our attitudes is not always an easy thing to do. If we can train ourselves to work on that then we can honestly say to ourselves that we never lose. We either win or we learn. A good friend of mine got me hooked on the Mel Robbins podcasts. I can truly say that I have learned so much from her theories. The main one is the 'Let Them Theory.' It sounds so easy and really it is and can help to make our lives so much easier and less stressful. 

There is a second step though. After you have a setback say to yourself, "Let them!" The next step is, "Let me!" By that, I mean that the 'them' caused you anxiety and/or a setback. So the next step after you say to yourself, "Let them," is to say, "Let me....." You need to have a plan on how you will handle the anxiety or setback. Let them downsize and do away with my job. We then have a choice. Will we go away with our tails between our legs and cry a river? Well, let's be honest. Most of us would want to do this. And it is a natural thing to do. As long as you move forward from that point promptly. For example we need to reassess our life. What is it that I want to do that I could not do because of the hours I had working at my old job? It may be a pay cut for a while, yet in the long run is it something that you have always wanted to do. YOU get to choose.

Let me give you my own personal example. I did lose my soulmate of 20 years about 2 1/2 years ago. I was devastated. I really did not think that I could go on. The stress of losing him caused me so much grief that I went into hibernation. It was not a happy place to be. I was lucky in that I had an unbelievable support system of friends and family. My precious daughter actually moved in with me to take care of me. This was a huge job for her. We thought it might not be for long. We would see how it worked. I went through a phase of stressful eating. I probably had about 40 lbs to lose but all of a sudden it was now 100. With the extra weight, my joints were so achy that I had to force myself to get up and out of bed each morning. I was no help to anyone. Let's just say that I was miserable.

When I realized that nothing that I was doing was helping me or anyone else, plus I now did not know where I would go for clothing once the big girl sizes were too small...I had to do something drastic. If only I had some of the knowledge that I have gained now back then. The important thing is that I finally had a light bulb go on. DO SOMETHING! AND I DID!

Information was given to me about how I could learn healthy eating habits and not only lose weight, save money doing it, but also learn how to maintain it. Since that time of having the weight MELT off me, I have kept it off now for a year. I continue to monitor it closely and stay on a maintenance program. I like to call it the 80/20 program. Whatever works is good. And I know that the change in my attitude is what got me to this place and is helping me to continue to stay healthy.

I have much less struggle with arthritis in my knees and even days of not even taking a Tylenol/Advil for pain. My sleeping scores turned around. Luckily, I did not have high blood pressure or other issues. I did have to donate basically 75% of my clothing. Too big is too big. Luckily, I saved some things that I loved in the back of my closet and now they fit me. Never did I think that I would fit in them again. Let's just call it wishful thinking.

Life will always be stressful. Things are going on in our country and the world that I have no immediate control over. There are only certain things that I can do. Those are the things that I focus on. Let me just take on what I personally can handle and not let what is out of my control get me stressed out. LET ME handle my own attitudes. I can't help how others may feel and deal with their issues. 

The 'Let Them/Let Me' theory can make everyone feel more in control of their lives. It works!

 

BEING OPEN TO TRY NEW IDEAS

 BEING OPEN TO TRY NEW IDEAS

(ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE HELPFUL)

Recently, I heard about a new way of looking at not only having a great restful night but a great start to my day. And it has been an eye-opener for me. At first, I must admit that I did resist. I had always been one to stay up and watch 'stuff' on TV that did not matter in the long run. The important stuff would be highlighted on YouTube if I really wanted to take the time another day to check it out. Or I mindlessly scrolled on my phone or on my computer. It was the next morning that I felt the results. Tired, not wanting to get up out of bed, yet knowing that I had to get up and now there was a big rush to hurry to dress and get out the door. Usually it was without a packed lunch, no water bottle, and endlessly searching for my keys. Forget the fact that the sink was filled with dirty dishes and mail was scattered around, along with other messes all over the kitchen counters. To be honest, it was depressing to even look at it all, knowing that I would be coming home to that mess. No fairy godmother was going to come in and wave her wand for it to go away.

Plus, I did not get 8 hours of sleep, which is what I knew that I needed to function well throughout my daily routines. So, I am going to share some of what I learned about what to do about it.

Number 1 was to set my bedtime. To do that, I had to work on what time I needed to get up and get ready without being in a mad rush. I worked backwards from there. For me, my time was 6 A.M. So for 8 hours of sleep, I had to be asleep no later than 10. This did not mean going to bed at 10. It meant at 9, to start taking 5 - 10 minutes to quickly pack my lunch, get the dishes out of the sink and in the dishwasher, look around the counters and table for messes that needed to be put in their special place, and to put out my keys and water bottle. Now I had a happier place to come out from my bedroom to face my day.

The next step was to head back to my bedroom, pick out clothes for the next day, brush my teeth, and then take 5 minutes (10 - 15 is ideal) for ME. It may be a nice, relaxing bath or shower, a nightly face cleansing routine, quick journaling, yoga routine, or reading a chapter in my book. It does not mean scrolling on my phone. 

Let me add that when I go to bed at 9 and take care of all of the above it is somewhere around 9:30 - 9:45 that I am now all tucked in with lights out. OH! I forgot to mention that before I tuck myself in bed, I have my phone tucked into the charger AWAY from my bed where I am sleeping. I know the temptation is too great for me to reach over and see what is going on. I discovered that the world goes on without me. What I missed, I can catch up with the next day. Plus, the next day, I feel energized and ready to take the day on after a great night's sleep.

I am here to tell you that this really does work. At first, I rebelled some. Until I took these steps seriously and I can't tell you just how much this has changed the way that I feel each day. 

THINGS THAT CAN BE EASY TO FORGET IN BUSY OUR LIVES

 THINGS THAT CAN BE EASY TO FORGET IN OUR BUSY LIVES

Sometimes, in our daily lives, we forget to support ourselves in discovering the parts that make each of us up. We can really learn by observing those further along than ourselves. Those who remain as open as a flowing stream should inspire us all of the possibilities that are out there in our world. 

Making a list helps me realize more of how I can support myself in my world. Sometimes reading these statements can make me think..."hmmmm! and why do I need to see and hear these things? They are all basic and all so important for us to remember. So I will share with you just some of what I feel helps me in my daily life.

*  I can spread good in my sphere of influence.

*  It is ok to be a beginner.

*  I can change the course when I'm going the wrong way.

*  I can practice self-love without feeling guilty.

*  My story is still being written.

*  Other people's opinions have no bearing on my self-image.

*  My body deserves care and respect.

*  My perseverance pays off. 

*  I am on my own path.

*  I spread and attract positivity.

*  I trust that everything will work out as it is meant to.  

*  I am capable of incredible things.

There are many more that I could add, but that would be overkill. I am sure that many of my readers could add more of their own. I welcome you to add them in the comments. It could be a future blog with some of your ideas and comments. 

TALKING TO OURSELVES

 TALKING TO OURSELVES

Research has shown that verbalizing our thoughts can actually improve our problem-solving skills. Many times this means talking out loud to ourselves. This facilitates orientation and concentration. It does this by boosting our own motivation to do something positive for ourselves. It is a way to prioritize using informative and structured decisions. This in turn helps to reduce stress in our lives. 

When facing challenges, whether it be work-related or even our own personal issues; reading about the pros and cons of our own situations, and then having a one-on-one conversation with ourselves is a very intelligent way to work on our own problem-solving techniques. 

Putting the wording of my own self-talk in 2nd or 3rd person is a huge motivation. Changing the self-talk from negative (YOU can't do this) to (YOU can do this) can be monumental in your motivation to accomplish a particular job or changing bad habits into good habits. YES, YOU CAN DO THIS! Through repetition of saying it out loud to yourself somehow is the magic trick. It channels negative thoughts into articulating them in a positive and objective light.

There are five levels of self-talk. The first one is all about the negative thoughts. I can't do that...if only I could...I wish that I could. Unfortunately, this is the most used form of self-talk and all it does is work against us.

The more positive would be Level II. This level acknowledges that we need to change. In our heads we are hearing, I need to...I ought to...I should. The recognition is there but something is missing - the solution.

Level III is actually making the decision to change. It is important to put this in the present tense as if it has already happened. Example: I want to lose weight so I need to say, "I am choosing healthy foods to improve my health." It is a way to reprogram my brain. This puts me in control.

Level IV has me thinking totally positively. I am making good choices for myself to achieve my goal. This fills my mind with self-belief, self-respect, and positive programming.

The last level, Level V is total universal affirmation. It has us to have more acceptance of ourselves. We see that we do matter and that there is meaning in our lives. No thought at any time can dwell in my mind without my permission. If it tries...I can choose to accept it or I can kick it out.

I know what I will choose, and I can positively say that it works. Do you remember back in the days when we would pass someone in public and think they were crazy because it seemed as though they were talking out loud to themselves? It was before earbuds became so popular. 

Next time someone catches you talking to yourself just say, "Science approves!" Or, if you want to try to have a sense of humor about it just say, "Yes, I am having an intelligent conversation with myself and I also answer myself."

THE WORLD OF BEING SINGLE!

 THE WORLD OF BEING SINGLE

However your circumstances of being in the land of singledom happened, there are some benefits of it. I am writing this blog as someone who has recently come to this conclusion. Becoming single was not supposed to be in the cards for me just yet. It was not until I lost my husband, my soulmate, and the once-in-a-lifetime love of my life that I was brought into this world. 

There are other ways such as a divorce or simply not meeting THE person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am not here to debate the causes - just to talk about the benefits. The reason for me to write about it is that I am finally coming to terms with my singledom and it is not such a bad deal since I can never have my life back the way it was before. It is a new day for me. And...this took a couple of years for me to come to terms with. 

Some of these benefits don't exactly fit me but nonetheless - they are benefits.

• Spontaneity is a perfect example- there is no one else to consider when you want to change your plans at the drop of a hat. It is less stressful and more calm.

• Choosing where you want to go on your trips - maybe the trip of your dreams, how long to stay, no compromising; even to restaurants, movies, plays, concerts, etc.

• Doing what you want with your friends and family. Cultivating those relationships. Never dealing with in-laws. Sometimes this can be no problem ever. (as in my case - I had the perfect mother-in-law) Then other times I hear the tales from others...😱

• Take up and use the whole bed all to yourself. Also, enjoy being as comfy as you want when you want.

• Work on self-care and becoming your authentic self. Enjoy the solitude to recharge and just enjoy life. You are in charge of setting your own boundaries and where you are headed in your own personal growth.

Singledom does not mean that it is meant for you to do all alone. It is fine to go out alone but it also is fun to have someone to just go out and have a coffee, a meal, or watch a movie with. In singledom - you have this choice! How wonderful that can be! Relationships are not just one on one. There are many more and all kinds to enjoy.

There is one important thing to remember:

You will always be there for YOU!

😊

DARE TO IMAGINE

DARE TO IMAGINE

 

Can you dare to imagine the possibilities in your future? It does not matter about your age; the possibilities are endless. All one needs to do is to get really excited and don't stop thinking about it or even more than one particular thing. Putting things off till tomorrow is not the way to go. Sometimes it takes getting out of our comfort zones to move ahead. This is not always a comfortable feeling. Do you dare to truly envision your future self; whether you are 20 or 60 or 70 or 80. What is in your future?

If you are in the latter age group that I listed, then you already are quite aware that there is no ONE path. Life happens and sometimes dreams must be put on the back burner. Don't let them simmer there too long, is all that I saying. Once we realize that, it can make us understand there are no impossibilities. 

Don't let others hold your dreams and passions hostage. Nothing is impossible. Even the word possible is within that word itself. Find what makes you happy and then do more of it. Why put it off to another time? That 'other time' may not come. Live like there is no tomorrow. Enjoy life NOW. Many older people will tell you this is the honest truth and that they wish that they had done more earlier. 

If you are still employed and soon to retire (or dreaming of it) then start now working on what you will do. Yes, of course, you will enjoy retirement but will you if you are spending time in a rocking chair or do you have a passion that you want to hone in on if you only had the time. When you retire then you will have the time. I can write, paint, blog, and read - all at my choice of time to do it. It is an amazing feeling.

Truly, it makes one feel more alive, more vibrant, more invigorated. Such a wonderful feeling.

~  There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly. ~

HOW DO WE FIND OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?

 HOW DO WE FIND OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?

If we look back on our adult experiences and think about them, the steps and events lead us along the path to our future. If not for those experiences, we may never be able to identify or rule out what it is that brings us passion in our lives. It can be a bit overwhelming to look back and see exactly how events and circumstances connect to each other long before we see that the "dots can be connected. Actually, it can help us see some of our future.

Each one of us can choose to see the purpose of where we stand today and whether or not we have made progress or if we are stuck in neutral. If we are totally honest with ourselves, we have all been in both places.

None of us have a life's purpose that is a non-stop arrival. It takes a lot of working out which paths to take on our journey. There are endless possibilities that lead us to our lifes stories.

Basically, it comes down to trusting the process. If we are doing something - anything at all - we need to trust that we are headed in the right direction and it is for a reason. We are creating meaning in our lives. Sometimes it may turn out to not be the right way in the long run but we will never know if we don't take those steps and trust ourselves. Experiences we have don't just evaporate into thin air. Sometimes they circle back to us or add useful information that helps to take us toward a new direction that we never would have thought of before. I know that no matter where we find ourselves today, tomorrow will be different. That is one way that life is predictable. Nothing is permanent.

When we make a mind-set shift, questions will follow that help to guide us and this will let us know if this is time wasted or time well spent.

Take comfort in knowing that none of us "have arrived." In other words we all are just figuring it out as we go. The good news is that we can live more intentionally along the way if we remember that each experience starts to feel meaningful. So my advice to myself that I am sharing is not to reserve these experiences for the future and that someday or one day there will be purpose. That purpose is right now and to be built upon - one step at a time.