Friday, September 15, 2017

To Be or Not To Be

To be or not to be happy and positive all of the time, that is the question. It is totally impossible to be happy and positive all of the time. We may appear that way to others. I know that many friends, former co-workers, relatives and acquaintances believe that is the real me. For the most part: it is to a certain degree.

However, there is a dangerous line between sharing with others your true feelings and going around always happy or always woe is me bottled up inside. First, I know for myself, that I must have a time for me to be quiet and think through my emotions, pick a positive mantra for the day to help get me through a tough time. That is the first very important step for me. 

Secondly, I need a quiet time to write in my daily journal exactly how I feel. It is okay, I have learned, to have a moment of self-pity. I must be honest with myself in knowing that I am not Wonder Woman (that is a whole different emotion and fantasy that we won't go into just now).

Once I have taken control of the basics of what I am feeling, paused for a moment and acknowledged my true feelings, then I need to talk and share with my husband, my daughter or my son and even sometimes a close friend. It may surprise a few people to learn that others receive joy in being able to help. Nothing bad is going to happen to you when you share with others. The warning that I would give is to be careful who you share with. Most of the time, getting it out in the open helps you see a problem through a different set of eyes. It helps to know that it is okay to not always be feeling peachy and to stop worrying about what others may think.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn that a tremendous pressure to try to always pretend to be a-okay when you are not can be lifted from your shoulders. It was one big waste of my emotional energy. In journaling, I learned that either I would beat myself up when I let it slip that I was not okay. Then I just moved on to telling what I call, 'the little white lie.'  "Sure! I am just fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Either way is not being true to myself.

I know that I do not aspire to be a phony, nor do most other people. Moping around all of the time and feeling sorry for myself is not the answer anymore than being on top of the world 100% of the time. Both can be detrimental to your mental and spiritual
well-being. I have learned that smiling more than frowning helps my spirit and even becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in some respects. This is true for me when I find a balance to being the real and totally authentic me. 

How many of us know someone (sometimes more than one someone) who you dread to say, "Good morning and how are you today?" The reason being is that the person will go into a long winded conversation about some kind of gloom and doom that they are going through at the moment. By the time they finish, if they even finish, they have managed to depress me. I consider myself a fast learner and have reworded how I address these kind of people. Let me say again: BALANCE is the key! One special co-worker had a great reply to the question about how are you today when her day was not going just right? Her reply was, "I could complain but it won't do any good." She smiled and went on about her business, even adding a sass to her walk.

Embracing my wholeness and forgiving myself is a more gentle way. A self-hug and a kiss for my brain is what is needed. There was a particular mantra that I posted on FaceBook yesterday. I share these posts to get my emotions out. If they sound like Little Miss Sunshine, then know that I may be struggling with something where I need a positive thought to hold in my heart for the day. Sometimes, it is just how I feel for the day. I keep social media just what it should be for me. No religion, no politics, no bad-mouthing others, in other words I try to stay out of the BMW Club (B-itch, M-oan and W-hine)

~ Life is takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence and absence to value presence. ~


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