SELF-DISCOVERY

 SELF-DISCOVERY

Self-improvement books are everywhere in the book stores. Maybe you have even purchased a few of them. I know that I certainly have. A lot of my time in the past was spent thinking about what I should do or maybe even what would be the right thing to do. In order to answer that question honestly, I now know that I must understand the true me. I must truly know myself. We all want to get better but what comes into play is the need for self-discovery. We really must figure out how our life's journey can be shared with others using our own unique gifts.

It most definitely is not an easy process and it takes time. Small steps, which many times can lead us in the wrong direction that only we can discover ourselves.

When my own life was turned upside down with the death of the only true love of my life, I had such unbearable grief and no idea where I would be headed. He was my knight in shining armor and I could not imagine him not by my side ready to rescue me or simply holding his hand. My wonderful family were close by and oh yes, Steve's and mine two golden doodles. For a time, I simply went through the motions of day-to-day. I missed our life together. We basically did everything side by side and this is why all of a sudden I felt as if my life had been turned totally upside down. 

As I mentioned before, it is not an easy process to go on a self-discovery adventure. To begin this new chapter of my life took time and patience and will continue to be a work in progress. Not only was it a new way of day-to-day living, it was a time to work on what inspires me and fuels me. Yes, it took some deep thinking about which way to turn and what to do first. It is different for everyone and I can only share how I worked my way through self-discovering myself. 

First of all, I had to stop and think about what it was that I wanted from life. I took the step of deciding where to live. My precious daughter, Jennifer, and her family stayed with me in this very large home to help me in the beginning. We actually had three dogs now and both granddaughters had a bedroom upstairs plus another Master bedroom. Add on a large media/playroom with an enormous walk-in closet that would make for a perfect office for Jennifer. She could even hold Zoom meetings when necessary in this office. 

We all talked about it and everything seemed to work out just fine talking about it. We gave it time and then once we were sure that we all would be compatible to actually live together under the same roof, the process started in cleaning out what was not needed so that they could begin bringing their things in to make upstairs theirs. We had many trips, more than I could count, to charities for donations of clothes, furniture, books, DVDs, CDs...Really a total clean-out that needed to be done quite a while ago. Steve and I even discussed downsizing because we did not need this large of a home. Now with 4 more added residents...I am so glad that we never got around to selling this home and moving to a smaller one. 

Once the day-to-day priorities were in place, I felt like I could move on to search for my inner self and what I wanted to do. What would bring me enjoyment? Oh yes, living with all four of my new live-in family brought me joy...I could not be happier with that arrangement. What I needed to do was to adjust my mindset that things will not ever be the way they were with just Steve and me. There are no quiet mornings for the most part. What there is now in this home is a lot of love for one another. I know for a fact that if I were all alone without all four of them, I would be having many more meltdowns over losing Steve. But when I have a darling 6-year-old telling and showing me how she talks to "Smiley," as they all call Steve, it brings such joy within me. Yes, and at times tears of joy. Because he was so loved by his granddaughters and his daughter who he embraced as his very own, to the extent of walking her down the aisle when she married Craig. Craig appreciated his British sense of humor and getting into Dr. Who discussions with him. In a way, we all were in mourning over losing this wonderful, awesome man. We stuck together and made it work. 

That was a big part of my own self-awareness. I was understanding my feelings and desires. It helped me know where I was headed with my creativity and definitely helped with my self-esteem. I even started my own health journey to eating better and following my physical therapy exercises. I realized what worked for me to acknowledge and correct this issue. Getting out of my comfort zone and challenging myself would set me on one of the right paths.

Getting out of some of my old habits and trying new ways toward my own self-discovery took linking up with others to share my experience. Of course, my family would help as I shared my plans. The biggest help was my Coach toward a healthier me on this journey and joining other friends who are taking this path for their lives, too. Finding new habits, healthier ones is what seems to work for me, both mentally and physically.

Definitely, I am becoming more comfortable with myself. Journaling most definitely has always been a part of my life. Now, it is even more important for me. It helps me to organize my thoughts and to see how gratitude helps me see what is impacting my life and how I respond. It adds insight to the small things all around me and has become a part of making me aware of not only my feelings but the feelings of those around me also. So many times it is the little things that matter the most.

There is a way to practice trusting yourself. Self-discovery can be a very challenging experience. One that requires self-love and self-compassion. Trust yourself. As I think of my behaviors and values, it is important that I do not have negative judgments. Question more about why those thoughts are there, where they come from, and if there is something that I may need to rethink and try a different way. It is a matter of learning from failure and being intentional in setting my habits. This works for me because I am all about setting up plans. 

It is so important to be compassionate with yourself. I love John O'Donohue's quote above. This compassion allows you to trust in your own soul, which lets you guide your life. This is what self-discovery is all about. He wrote A Blessing which was for grief and helped me move forward and be more self-compassionate in my life after the loss of Steve. 

Never be afraid to explore your passions and go on your very own self-discovery. Remember this: