AGING GRACEFULLY

 AGING GRACEFULLY

This is one of the best ways to look at the inevitable - aging. I have personally never liked the term of aging

gracefully but I suppose there is a trick to it and I do like the way that Emma Thompson frames it. The trick is to make it look good so that everyone looks forward to it. It means to go ahead and accept the number of candles on your birthday cake without trying to look or act younger than you are...SOMETIMES! For others, like me? It comes down to attitude, not what you look like or what activities you can or cannot do but making my own rules by choosing my attitude and approach to change. Everyone is different. We all have unique challenges and strengths.

Just consider the origin of the word "grace". It comes from the Latin term "gratus" which means pleasing. Like many others, I believe one benefit of growing older is that we come to the realization that we don't have to please anyone but ourselves. Therefore, it is important to feel good about ourselves. It is a time to celebrate our accomplishments and the knowledge that we have gained through experience. 

We should not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. We seem to be surrounded by messages telling us that aging is a negative experience...but growing older is not a bad thing especially when you consider the alternative. In fact, there have been studies that show our overall happiness levels tend to rise with age. One reason might be that we face fewer stressors such as work-related and other relationships as we grow older. Yet many psychologists also speculate that we acquire a more balanced perspective through hard-earned experience.

Our feelings about aging can play a big role in how we approach it. This is one reason why many seniors don't see themselves as "old" at all. From a research study, about 50% of young adults aged 18-29 say they feel their age. But 60% of adult over 65 say they feel younger than their age. Only 3% feel older than their actual age. In contrast, about 25% of people in the 18-25 age group say they feel older than their age. 

The saying you are only as young as you feel may be a good guide to gracefully aging. Our ability to remain open to new experiences and to grow and change may also be a key component to aging with dignity.

Another important fact to remember is that not all changes are bad. Our brains undergo some positive changes with age, such as giving us calmer reactions to negative experiences. We know this is not always true of everyone. The question may be then why do some people remain more open to new experiences as they age than others who seem to be more set in their ways?

Basically, it comes down to whether or not we feel proud of our lives. If we do then we are in a state of ego integrity. This does not mean that we have never made any mistakes but that we feel fulfilled when we look back on the things that we have done. OR if we are bitter about life's disappointments then we may be in a state of despair. These people are fearful of death because they may feel that they haven't done enough with their lives. Depression and anger can set it. 

Simply put: we all age differently. Since we can't control time, aging slowly isn't possible. Those birthdays are going to arrive each year no matter what we do. Some people do seem to look younger than others of the same age. Even when we are told that  "60 is the new 40," there is an assumption that being 40 is better than being 60.

DNA certainly plays a big role in aging but there are strategies for maintaining health and aging gracefully. It is with good nutrition. Limiting processed foods from our diets is a good thing. More fresh fruits and veggies while also limiting red meats and definitely enjoying essential fatty acids such as those found in nuts, seeds, and avocados; all of which support brain health.

Exercise is also advisable. Just 30 minutes a day helps in staying healthy. Walking, yoga, or even chair yoga helps to stretch muscles and increase heart rates. Muscles need to be worked. As the saying goes, "Use them or lose them." 

Let's not forget mental health. It is just as important as physical health. People who socially isolate themselves are lonely and have greater risks of developing cardiac and lung disease, as well as depression and cognitive decline. It is very important to maintain social connections by joining in groups and expanding our social circles. 

Self-care is not selfish. Practices such as yoga, mindfulness, journaling, meditation, prayer, and affirmations all help to reduce stress. Along with picking up new hobbies such as sewing, woodworking, or learning a new instrument. Sleep is also a part of self-care It is a misconception that as we get older that we do not require as much sleep. People over 60 need to sleep for 7 - 9 hours every night. Do I even need to mention the bad habits of smoking or drinking too much. Health care monitoring is crucial. Don't forget those routine check-ups. 

Breaking all of this down simply means that aging gracefully isn't about trying to look like a 20 something. It is about living your best life and having the physical and mental health to enjoy it. Like a bottle of wine, you can just get better with age with the right care. It is more about being health and happy than keeping wrinkles at bay. Surround yourself with people you love and do the things that bring you joy.

COMMUNICATING WITH A SOUTHERNER

 COMMUNICATING WITH A SOUTHERNER

Many times when one thinks about translation when communicating with others, they tend to think about it being another language other than their own. Well, trust me, until I moved from the South to the North, I really never thought too much about it. 

Some of the Southern sayings that I grew up with just continued to slip out of my mouth - just a mouthful of sayings that I seemed to have no control over when I moved to the North. It is like a particular way of getting my point across, even if the other person looked at me as if I were from another planet. These sayings are sometimes known to others usually via the media, unless they knew a Southerner. Let me just go over a few of the ones that I use all the time and grew up with my family and friends using these sayings

Hankering  -  In the summertime, I get a hankering for a tomato sammich meaning that I am in the mood for it. (But only if it is a good home-grown tomato). There is just no other kind to get a hankering for.

Full As A Tick  -  This is not my favorite saying basically because I am not a friend of most bugs, especially ticks. Let me say that after eating that big tomato sammich, my Papaw would say, "I am now full as a tick." 

YUCK

Bless Your Heart  -  Truly this is a universal word in the South. It can and does have an edge to it. Almost always it is said in a good-natured way, perhaps exaggerated and maybe with a shake of the head? It can also express empathy or judgment, or it can be said in place of a person's true feelings. 

Gimme Some Sugar  -  Every time we pulled up in the driveway of relatives, I jumped out of the car, and 

 went running to the house, my Great-Grandma would say, "Gimme some sugar." She did not mean sweets. She meant a hug and a kiss.

 

Well, Butter My Backside and Call Me a Biscuit  -  This has nothing to do with biscuits, of course. It is just a long descriptive way to show surprise at something unbelievable that you may never have thought would have happened. (usually positive)! My Mom always used this expression, however, many used the word, 'butt' instead of the backside. She would not allow us to say it any other way. 

A Rooster One Day And a Feather Duster The Next  -  Just a creative way, in my opinion, of saying that we shouldn't crow like a rooster about our wealth and belongs today, because it could all disappear tomorrow.

Plumb  -  Perhaps you may be not just truly and completely tired, but plumb tired. My Papaw said this all the time when he came home from work or finished working all of his grape vines in the backyard.

Three Sheets To The Wind  -  In reality, this saying is a nautical term referring to the sheets that controlled the sails. When the sheets are loose, the ship rocks uncontrollably. In the South, this phrase is the polite way to say someone who has had too many cocktails and is very drunk.

Well, let's just Hold Our Horses. Which of course means to let's just stop here and now. It is definitely self-explanatory, but try to imagine it originating back in the days of stagecoaches - best to slow down. So for now, I will slow down on communicating some of my Southern sayings because I am Fixin' To Take A Little Afternoon Nap.

MOTHER'S DAY

 MOTHER'S DAY

Mother's Day is a very emotional day for so many of us. Those of us who have lost our Mom's try to hold on to all of the loving memories that we have of them. The picture above happens to be my Mom and Steve's Mom who seemed to get along famously when they met for the first time at our home. Even though Angela lived in Coventry, England before she passed and my Mom, Joyce, lived in so many places before she passed. From Memphis (born in Raleigh, TN. Then on to San Antonio, TX where I was born. Northern Mississippi, New Orleans, and Houston were also her homes at different times. They also passed away just months apart from one another.

There are times that I want to just pick up the phone and ask her advice on something and to this day - it then dawns on me that I can't do that anymore. I always think of her but on Mother's Day, I think of her even more than usual.

As a Mom myself, I have two wonderful children. They are about 19 months apart. My life was a crazy one for sure with two in diapers at once, yet at different stages in their lives. Definitely not easy but I would not have traded those hectic days for a million dollars.

Their father traveled quite often so it was basically up to me to get them where they needed to be, as well as being the disciplinarian parent. When one was in softball and the other one was in baseball, not to mention all of their other sports and activities, I had to work out how I would accomplish getting them where they needed to be and how to get them picked up. Lucky for me, I had some good friends who helped out. (other parents on the teams or activities that they were involved in)

Twenty years later a divorce happened. My children were off at college - one at Tulane in New Orleans and the other one in Waco at Baylor. We lived as a family in Katy, TX at this time. I had to decide where I wanted to live. My Mom helped me through this whole ordeal and I moved back to Memphis. After all, most of my family lived in this general area. 

After a year or so I met my soulmate. He also had two children; a son and a daughter. They seemed to get along very well when they were together. His son, Thomas actually made the decision to move to Memphis from England. Neither Steve nor I ever wanted to use the words step mother or step father or step son or daughter. All 4 children were OUR children. Both of us knew that we did not want to be called Mom or Dad. They already had that person in their lives. So they just used our first names when addressing us. Interesting enough they always said when introducing us as my Mom or my Dad, just as they did when introducing each other - this is my brother or my sister. It really confused many people about the British accent and the American accent. Too funny!

Family is so special. Being a Grandmother (they call me Lola) is a wonderful privilege. I have a special picture that reveal my blessings.

IT'S A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY

 IT'S A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY

When is it a good day to choose to have a good day? Sounds kind of like a silly question? Well, in my mind it is all in how I look at it. The beginning of my day start with waking up. I can choose to wake up cranky or turn the whole mindset around to smiling and just being thankful that I did wake up and I will make it through the day with more good thoughts than bad ones.  After all, in my little world happiness is an inside job. No one should be given the power to take that away from me. Can bad things be going on in my life? YES! The magic is just how I handle it all. 

Taking a moment to think what is happening and how I will respond (not react) to it seems to be the best way to go at handling things going on in my life. Just throwing out examples of certain things that have been going on in my world. I am sure that you may be able to relate, plus add your own situations that you are dealing with. 

*  News from my CPA of a large amount owed to the       IRS 😕

*  Daily meds for my sweet goldendoodle to help her       with incontinence and always wondering if there will     be an accident on the top coverlet or not (thank           goodness for pee-pads strategically placed                   underneath to protect the duvet and mattress)

* Daily arthritic pain in knees that is controlled with       Tylenol and quarterly trips to my doctor for gel shots

* Wanting to go and see movies, plays, concerts etc       and no longer having my soulmate to go with me

 

I won't bore you with more. We all have such things going on and even more in our lives. I chose to take charge of each of these events going on in my life - each one of which I had no control over happening, however, I did have control of how I was going to handle everything.

I had to deal with my own little world and because I made choices that helped me know that all would be ok. I know within myself what works and even how to 'tweak' it to work possibly even better.

I put a plan in place for next year's taxes. This was my first year of filing as a single person. After Steve passed away it made a huge difference in my taxes for this year. I still was able to file jointly last year for 2022 taxes. However...a bit different for 2023 taxes. Was it a shock? YES! I would be lying if I did not admit that. After the shock wore off, I went into action and I took care of the problem as best that I could. There should not be a shocker tax bill next year now. I took control.

As for my sweet Maggie Mae, she will be on this medicine for life. Two pills a day given 12 hours apart. I have reset my own alarm to give her the meds. It does mean no sleeping in on the weekends. She was so easy to house train. Never had a problem. The first time she had a leakage problem she popped up, turned around and saw it and looked at me in shock. She is so prim, prissy, and proper that it shocked her and she just did not know what to do. After going to her vet, he knew exactly what the problem was and gave me the medicine to try. Glory hallelujah it worked. In the beginning, I did miss a pill a few times. And BOOM! She was a bit upset that it happened. No fussing at her though. More fussing silently at myself for forgetting to give it to her at the right time. On the more positive note, I have become much better at remembering. I MUST set my IPhone alarm. And there you go...two problems solved at once. I set the alarm for when to take my own Arthritis Tylenol and to use the gel to massage on my knees. It all works out. 

My joints have gotten better since I went on my healthy journey to lose weight. Now that I am 4 - 6 sizes smaller, I am sleeping better, moving better, and have the energy to get up and go places. Just that I no longer have Steve to go with. We went everywhere together. We were season ticket holders for the Redbirds, the Grizzlies and Live at the Garden concerts, as well as going to concerts of artists that we loved, and at the community theaters and the Broadway productions brought in to The Orpheum. Plus special times to just go out and have a breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner together with no cooking ourselves. Even though both of us loved to cook together. We would take turns being the head chef and the sous chef. Good times!

I have been working on that problem also. I have a wonderful group of friends that we have nicknamed ourselves The Lunch Bunch to go out for lunches. Also I have set up some lunch dates with my cousin who lives nearby so that we can catch up on our news monthly. Plus, she and I are going to see a play together. But when there is no one to go with, I boldly just buy my ticket and go alone. So far, I have seen Hamlet and Beautiful (the story of Carol King) as a single person. I have gone into Starbucks and Panera to work on some writing alone. My next adventure is to go in alone to have a lunch at a nice restaurant.

This has truly become my motto. I went on my healthy journey and lost all of my weight which has made my self-confidence boost sky high since I lost Steve. It is inspiration to live by. As I was going through the stages of losing my weight and posting my before and after pictures

I was asked what I was doing to lose so much weight and how hard it must have been. Truly, it was not hard. No other program ever worked for me, nor trained me and my mindset into eating healthy and exactly how to eat healthy and still be able to have some things that I totally avoided while on my actual journey. Now I am eating anything that I like and know how to eat like a normal person. I KNOW that I will not gain it back. No more yo-yo diets for me! I have a whole new wardrobe and got rid of the old and never want to see them again. What I was told quite often was that I was an inspiration to others. Me? I did not set out to be. So now, I am considering becoming a Coach for the program. If you or anyone that you know may be interested in finding out more information, you can find me on Facebook under Donna Jo Dillard Miles and let me know. Or leave a comment on this blog with your name and number for me to contact you. I have a wonderful Coach. She told me about the way she lost the weight and connected me to a community where I could see for myself. She, as other coaches are not out to give sale pitches. They are only there to get the information to you if you are interested. That is what made me want to go for it. 

I have learned that one should never say never. You just have to go with the flow and the this is where 'the flow' is taking me now. I see so many friends and acquaintances who took this journey and have continued to keep the weight off for many years. It is easy when you have the tools and the community to help you. 

DARE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF

 DARE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF

It can be exciting to go on an adventure of finding ways to express yourself creatively. Many times the thought of doing so goes straight to painting or drawing, as if only these activities involve being creative. Although, that is a great way of doing so, it is not the only way. Creativeness is all around us. 

Dare yourself to get BOLD about what brings you joy. Have the courage to go for it. And...you are not limited to just one way. The more-the merrier is my motto. At least to try them out. 

There are so many creative outlets that it would be a shame to leave some of them out of at least trying. It definitely has been a positive in my life to at least acknowledge and sometimes embrace my inner artist; whatever that form may be. I have found that it has opened up a brighter and fuller life for myself. It is a way to closely connect to my more authentic self and adds a satisfaction in unlocking my own unique gifts and the potential that is there.

Finding this out while in a 9 - 5 job was really important to me. Sometimes it could be a little frustrating in that I did not have the time that I needed to focus on my creativity at home. The good news was that I got to 'dabble' in different modes of creativeness so that when I did finally retire it made it easier to focus on what made me happy. Retirement was the perfect time to explore more of my creative side. It must be nurtured. We all nurture (or try to) our physical well-being. It is a fact that our creative side must be tended to also. 

Sometimes there is a fear of being wrong. There is no right or wrong in being creative. Well, perhaps I am not the best singer or musician in the world but I can sing my way through my showers. I can strum on my guitar when the mood hits me and I can also sing along with my playlists. There is nothing wrong about that. 

I feel that my strongest creative side is in not only painting and drawing but in writing. If I had not explored these areas then how would I know that?

So go ahead and become connected to not only yourself but to others by finding a creative purpose in your life. Never under nourish what makes you feel good and live that life. We are all so worth it. 

It is a good thing to share your uniqueness. How else would I have known that knitting, crocheting, and needlepointing just was not my thing. I tried it when someone shared their own skills with me. It brought them great joy which was a great thing for them. It just was not for me. 

The important thing is that others' ideas were shared with me. This is always a good thing for both the person sharing and the person who received a new way of being creative. (even if the idea is not one for them) You never know if you don't try. It is important to keep an open mind.

Let's just all dare ourselves to express the creativity inside our own souls.

HOLD ON TO YOUR WONDER

 HOLD ON TO YOUR WONDER

After reading some different research articles about always holding on to our wonder, it started to make be wonder...WHY? I found a quote to use on my daily milestone quote on Facebook that was not attributed to anyone. It simply said, "Hold On To Your Wonder." That resonated with me. I never want to give up my wonder. It is almost as if I enjoy and need to wonder in my wandering.

 

Experiencing wonder can leave us feeling inspired and energized, along the lines of gratitude and curiosity. A psychologist defined awe as the wonder we feel when we encounter something so powerful that we can't easily explain. Many times these things that bring us wonder have a vastness and complexity, such as a starry night, a special act of kindness, or the beauty of something small and intricate. Such things as the colors of the leaves or an act of virtuous behavior of others: an act of dedication, skill, or courage. It seems to always be the most simple things.

It is important to cultivate these experiences as they give us hope for our future. Besides the tingling goosebumps or lower heart rate - it may affect us emotionally. A desire to connect with others and our own sense of self may shrink.

Besides reducing stress, research has shown that experiencing something bigger than us helps us frame our reference by stimulating new ways of thinking. This increases creativity and innovation, along with ethical decision making.

The feeling of wonder and awe frequently happens in solitude but with that being said, it also helps us to build relationships. It helps to provide social connection. I remember when my husband worked for a very large corporation he would take walks on the paths among the buildings for informal meetings. Another name for these walks could be named the "awe walks." Sometimes he even went alone and would take twenty minutes of his lunch time to wander and just be curious and observe the everyday beauty around him instead of rushing by. Things like a buzzing bee flitting from flower to flower. After a wonder walk, I am sure that most of us would feel inspired. 

If you are not able to get outside, use the internet and find some happy good news, music to inspire you, or even a simple story of one person making a difference can inspire others around the world. Journal writing about something that took my breath away or just plain made me happy to be on this planet can cause wonderment within me.

Sometimes we spend much of our time trying to stake our claims out to be heard and at times it almost feels counterintuitive to engage in something that might stimulate feelings of our own "smallness." Doing so through a positive experience of wonder can bring us that sense of grounding that we all search for, along with the benefits of energy, inspiration and resilience for ourselves.

OUR OWN UNIQUE GIFTS

OUR OWN UNIQUE GIFTS

 

Imagine for a moment that we spread our own wings to help spread our own unique gifts with the world. I have that picture in my mind when I think of self-care. Self-care is all about taking care of ourselves so that we are able to help care for others who need a bit of help from others.

I like to imagine that if I continue to spread my wings and fly that the unique gifts that I may have can reach others by sharing. Let's face it. Being human is hard. That is just that way life is. There is no sense in digging a hole and hiding our heads in the sand just to pretend that issues are not all around us to handle. 

Instead of looking at it as "handling" the issues, I like to look at it as thriving. A good motto could be, "Thrive and not just Survive." 

Thriving for me is the ability to handle challenges with less struggle by being aligned with my own unique gifts and sharing these gifts in ways that feel joyful.

There is no good reason that I can think of for anyone to hold their breath and wait until things get calmer or easier. Life happens. For me, I can say there are ups and downs and the word on the street is to just go with the flow. 

Being able to thrive and go with the flow actually fills me with positive energy and gives me a magical feeling of being alive and on this earth for a purpose. Life is just too short to dread our day or just to 'get through them.' LIVE THEM WITH GUSTO. I can agree that some days are livelier than others. I may lean more to the positive way of looking at life but I also am realistic. We are all human and I have my moments. The smart thing is to give myself these moments and pick myself up and start again. 

Instead of worrying about stuff that I could not control, I discovered that by focusing more on how I could share some of my gifts with others. Just the very fact of sharing another way to look at a problem or issue that we all go through in life. This helps to shift worry into creative actions.

Taking care of ourselves is not being selfish. In order to help others, we first must help ourselves to be stronger. Love ourselves. This in turn can be shared with others to witness how it works. It is a continuous circle of caring.

We all deserve happiness. This must become a self-belief. You really can't help make everyone else feel happy and feel good if we ourselves are not happy. This means to not put ourselves on the back burner. This will make us feel drained and less able to handle stress.

Practicing self-love and self-respect, as well as self-compassion is what will guide us to be able to help others and share our own uniqueness. Remembering that self-love isn't conditional. It is not earned. We are all a being - not a doing. We are deserving as human beings.

Doing things that make us feel good and fuels us is basically what life is all about. It is not ever the time to just put it off for later. Never stop dreaming. There really is more beyond out there for all of us. I never want to coast through life. It really is more fun to be a little bolder and to be daring. Find what brings you most joy, go for it and share it.