DON'T WORRY! BE HAPPY!

 DON'T WORRY!

BE HAPPY!

The words above, just like the song that has the same exact lyrics, are easier said than done. Let's be honest. Worrying is a natural response to caring about important things. It becomes problematic when it attaches to uncontrollable factors like other people's choices or unpredictable events.

By reading several articles about the subject of worrying and anxiety, I summarized them to help me with self-care. Maybe it will help you, too? 

Start by asking what I am really afraid of. Is it failure, loss, rejection...whatever the fear is, it is important to NAME it. Then move on to whether you have any control to impact the outcome. We know that we cannot control the past or random events - only our choices. The last important question to ask is this: Is worrying taking away from my life and happiness? Examples would be losing sleep, snapping at people, or just trying to stay focused.

By naming the fear and focusing on what we can control, we can redirect worry into productive action. Saying no to things we can't control is a form of self-care that preserves our own energy.

Worrying about things we can't control is a common but unproductive cycle. Strategies to help stop this cycle include:

• Acceptance of the uncontrollable
• Focusing on what we can control
• Reframing our thoughts
• Setting our boundaries
• Practicing mindfulness or gratitude

Worrying is a frequent companion for those who live with anxiety day in and day out. Things like always asking the question 'what if' or imagining the worst-case scenarios. Worry exists because we care about our own health and those we love. It is rarely about the surface situation and will not calm down before we engage in what really matters. 

Worry is more than a thought, and it can't be stopped with commands to just stop worrying, let it go, or calm down. These commands don't work coming from others or from our own thoughts; not because we are weak but because worry is more than a thought. It is an emotional response to fear, not our enemy. It exists because we care.

Good news: 

It keeps our attention on what matters

It helps us prioritize

It motivates us to prepare and take action

The trouble comes when we attach worry to things we can't actually influence. It loops and has nowhere to go except to escalate and run us down.

Get control of it by asking three core questions, recognizing it as it happens, and identifying what our worry is really all about. If the thoughts keep repeating themselves and the situations that trigger them cause actual physical sensations that show up in our bodies, then we have recognized the worry. We know that by identifying them specifically, it is not a surface situation. For example:

~ a loved one is traveling but underneath that fact is the fear of losing them

~ a comment from someone that made us somehow feel incompetent

~ a medical test, but underneath it is the fear of our life changing in ways we can't control.

We need a clear sense of what matters most to ourselves. Maybe therapy would be helpful to be able to interpret what our worry is signaling. That is when it becomes more information rather than the enemy.

We need to sort through what we can and cannot control. The Serenity Prayer comes to my mind. If we make a list, writing on one side what we can control and on the other side what cannot be controlled.  The can control side will shift into thinking about concrete action steps, while the cannot side will demonstrate the need to shift our energies to our own choices.

Determining the action step could be planning a calm conversation with someone who would help clarify needs and set boundaries in a relationship. If it is about health issues, schedule an appointment and follow through with recommendations and adjust at least one daily habit.

Taking action rarely quiets down before you actually take action. It settles once we engage with what really matters. 

Work with worry - Not against it.

It helps us reclaim our own strength and courage even in the presence of uncertainty.

• Several articles and authors all agreed on these strategies, which I have summarized in this blog.

THOUGHTS

THOUGHTS

Even with the HEAT DOME surrounding where I live and stretching to the north and south of us, as well as across the Atlantic to Europe, we all still need some of that sunshine. Our bodies crave sunlight. 

Just for me and many others, it won't be in the middle of the day. I try to get out early in the morning and again in the late afternoon. It is a fact that morning light helps to set our circadian rhythm for a better and more sound sleep. Research shows more time in the sun is associated with lower blood pressure for those dealing with hypertension. More time in the sun is associated with boosting our moods, even. In this heat, it is not for an extended amount of time. Just enough to get a brief walk, run some water in the pool, take off the dead roses so more will blossom, and the never-ending job of keeping the yard clear of the "dogs' business. Sitting out under the umbrella, putting on sunscreen and floating in the pool will have to wait until it cools down a bit.

The pool is like bathwater. Am I picky? I guess you could say so. There was a time when Steve and I wanted to float in the pool even on very hot days. To help cool things down, he went out to get bags of ice just to throw in the pool. It did help out some. 

Join the caravan of those who have turned their faces to the sun.

Our bodies really do need some of that sunshine.

Another subject? Beauty! Both inside and outside! "Beauty matters. It is not just a subjective thing but a universal need of human beings."  ~  Scherzo di Follio (1861)

It is important to notice beauty in unexpected places. It helps to nurture our souls. We can find it in our own homes -  it is all around us. We really can't ignore that a calming order in our homes or at work, can actually bring a sense of calmness to our souls. When my own desk becomes cluttered, it is a fact that I can find whatever I need in the mess. Yet, when I take the time to straighten up and put everything where it belongs, I can feel the stress leaving my body. I didn't even realize that I was holding that stress. It was there. As I let out the sigh of relief and pride, I could feel stress leaving my body.

Just doing little things for ourselves helps us feel special. Such as taking the time to make a great dinner (even if it is takeout), setting the table just for ourselves. Why? Because we can and should.

Noticing beauty and making beauty in some unexpected places are simple ways to help nurture our souls. In ourselves, it can be all about how we carry ourselves. Stand straight and tall with your hearts open, our necks elongated, as if we are growing taller. It can help inspire us and make us feel capable of taking on the world. (even if it is just our little part of the world)!

Indeed, our brains are always in the business of predicting patterns; usually fear is involved. When we see what we expect to see, all is well with the world. Chaos will be thrown into the picture when unpredictability comes into play. In all that is happening in our country and world, there seems to be a lot of chaos. We all need to find ways to help calm the chaos.

My way is to not watch the news. I get what I need by scanning headlines. I have a friend who started watching horror movies just to avoid the news. We all can find our own way to adjust to the chaos. Let me add to this that we should not judge others in their attempts to find their own calmness.

"The greater the level of calmness of our mind, the greater our peace of mind, the greater our ability to enjoy a happy and joyful life." — Dalai Lama