DON'T WORRY! BE HAPPY!

 DON'T WORRY!

BE HAPPY!

The words above, just like the song that has the same exact lyrics, are easier said than done. Let's be honest. Worrying is a natural response to caring about important things. It becomes problematic when it attaches to uncontrollable factors like other people's choices or unpredictable events.

By reading several articles about the subject of worrying and anxiety, I summarized them to help me with self-care. Maybe it will help you, too? 

Start by asking what I am really afraid of. Is it failure, loss, rejection...whatever the fear is, it is important to NAME it. Then move on to whether you have any control to impact the outcome. We know that we cannot control the past or random events - only our choices. The last important question to ask is this: Is worrying taking away from my life and happiness? Examples would be losing sleep, snapping at people, or just trying to stay focused.

By naming the fear and focusing on what we can control, we can redirect worry into productive action. Saying no to things we can't control is a form of self-care that preserves our own energy.

Worrying about things we can't control is a common but unproductive cycle. Strategies to help stop this cycle include:

• Acceptance of the uncontrollable
• Focusing on what we can control
• Reframing our thoughts
• Setting our boundaries
• Practicing mindfulness or gratitude

Worrying is a frequent companion for those who live with anxiety day in and day out. Things like always asking the question 'what if' or imagining the worst-case scenarios. Worry exists because we care about our own health and those we love. It is rarely about the surface situation and will not calm down before we engage in what really matters. 

Worry is more than a thought, and it can't be stopped with commands to just stop worrying, let it go, or calm down. These commands don't work coming from others or from our own thoughts; not because we are weak but because worry is more than a thought. It is an emotional response to fear, not our enemy. It exists because we care.

Good news: 

It keeps our attention on what matters

It helps us prioritize

It motivates us to prepare and take action

The trouble comes when we attach worry to things we can't actually influence. It loops and has nowhere to go except to escalate and run us down.

Get control of it by asking three core questions, recognizing it as it happens, and identifying what our worry is really all about. If the thoughts keep repeating themselves and the situations that trigger them cause actual physical sensations that show up in our bodies, then we have recognized the worry. We know that by identifying them specifically, it is not a surface situation. For example:

~ a loved one is traveling but underneath that fact is the fear of losing them

~ a comment from someone that made us somehow feel incompetent

~ a medical test, but underneath it is the fear of our life changing in ways we can't control.

We need a clear sense of what matters most to ourselves. Maybe therapy would be helpful to be able to interpret what our worry is signaling. That is when it becomes more information rather than the enemy.

We need to sort through what we can and cannot control. The Serenity Prayer comes to my mind. If we make a list, writing on one side what we can control and on the other side what cannot be controlled.  The can control side will shift into thinking about concrete action steps, while the cannot side will demonstrate the need to shift our energies to our own choices.

Determining the action step could be planning a calm conversation with someone who would help clarify needs and set boundaries in a relationship. If it is about health issues, schedule an appointment and follow through with recommendations and adjust at least one daily habit.

Taking action rarely quiets down before you actually take action. It settles once we engage with what really matters. 

Work with worry - Not against it.

It helps us reclaim our own strength and courage even in the presence of uncertainty.

• Several articles and authors all agreed on these strategies, which I have summarized in this blog.