SET UP WAYS TO HELP YOU TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE

 SET UP WAYS TO HELP YOU TAKE CONTROL

It is basically a true statement that we only have control over three things in our lives, as the picture above shows. However, there are ways to work on strategies to help remove the wrong mental model that we sometimes have. This image is that there must be something wrong with us if we can't do it!

This is most definitely the wrong mental model to have for ourselves. Everyone has goals. Something that we want to do better. There are strategies to help you achieve your goals and adjust attitudes. Think about what you want to change for the better. It could be eating healthier, losing weight, stop drinking, getting a better job, saving money, etc.

The biggest lie is that most people think that something is wrong with them if they don't achieve their goal. Saying that you must not have the willpower is not the answer if you don't have strategies in place to make it fun and bearable.

Based on evidence, learning how to change is a skill. You can learn how to do that. A University of PA study came up with strategies that seemed to work for all ages, genders, and races. So what barriers are  stopping us? 

• Getting started, sometimes called the fresh start effect - especially after significant dates like New Year's or Birthdays. 

          

Looking back, we sort our lives into chapters. A new chapter is a new beginning. Set the old me aside and go for the new ME! Every Monday, or at the beginning of every month, find moments to start fresh. We step back to think about what can be "coming" for a new, fresh start. It helps us pinpoint our new start. A fresh start is a place to begin. We still need a plan that is something more than motivation.

Pursue your goal, like getting in shape - should you do the stair master or Zumba? Which do you love, and which will you be consistent with?

•  Impulsivity can be a barrier in helping us meet our goals because sometimes it can make us feel like we are on overload. Try to bundle the right goals or chores with something that you enjoy, such as going to the gym with headphones to listen to an audio book. These compliment each other and the goal becomes something that you begin to enjoy and look forward to.

• Procrastination is definitely a problem that we don't want to delay getting to work on or to play around with. There are two sides to this equation. Your boss gives you a deadline, and if you don't meet it, then there will be a consequence. One way to help avoid procrastinating in achieving your goals is to put money on the line, where if you fail to achieve a goal by a certain date, then you fine yourself. Get a partner to help hold you accountable. If your goal is to meditate three times a week and you don't, then you pay up $10. To stop eating junk food then get rid of it in your house.

• Forgetfulness is really a matter of finding ways that will help you to remember. Creating a cue/trigger to help you remember to pick up a prescription or groceries, etc. This is called the cue-based plan. Little Post-it notes work wonders for this. It sets up when, where, and how you will get to the pharmacy, all on that little note to yourself. I could have the nickname of "The Post-it note Queen!" But hey! I usually get my chores taken care of with no forgetfulness. Another way that some people like is to put it in their iPhone notes or on their Google calendar. Whatever is easiest for you. It creates a commitment.

• Laziness is not thinking proactively about what it is that you want to accomplish. It is making good habits automatic and bad habits harder by adding friction. For example, when you open your computer, does it take you directly to the social media that you were on, yet were not looking for at that moment? This is a time to have your settings ready to take social media directly to the browser that that will have you looking for it when you are finished with your goal. Put the social media out of sight - out of mind, such as in a group where other apps are located that are not used as frequently.

• Lacking self-confidence is something that one must overcome to try to develop a growth mindset. It is an ability that can change and develop as we learn from the challenges. If a setback arises, just remember we are a work in progress. Ask what I learned from that? Boost your confidence by coaching and they can ask you what do you think you need? It will surprise you that they would ask, and that alone will boost your confidence level. So basically, coaching is helping out two people.

• Conformity can be a great strategy. WHY? Going to college and getting a roommate who is higher academically than you are actually pushes you to achieve for higher goals. Your social group shapes your outcomes. The people you live with, work with, and love change what you do and who you become. This can help or become a barrier and hold you back. Always seek those who help. 

Always set a concrete goal that is measurable. Then decide when, where, and how you will achieve it. Ask yourself if there is a way to make it fun for yourself. If it is painful to pursue your goal, then you will quit. Find a way to enjoy it by making it fun and making it social.