Friday, January 6, 2017

First Loves and More

Everyone has to go through a first love at some time or another, whether it be when you are in kindergarten or you wait till the ripe old age of being a teenager. No matter...they all serve a purpose of one kind or another.  I know that for me, as well as for others that I have spoken to about first loves, if nothing else they set the bar. (Even when I came home to tell my Mom that I had a boyfriend when I was in 2nd grade.  I still remember that look on her face.)  

Some close friends that I know met their first and only love while in elementary school and moved on through high school, only now to be married for over forty years.  However you feel about the word matters not.  In my book, this is a soulmate and this truly does not come around often. It certainly didn't for me. My point is that we all are different. There is not a right way or a wrong way.  Go with what fits only you.  

Usually, it takes a first love or two or three to help us appreciate relationships in our future.  There are some, such as myself, who are slow learners. Yet, I finally did find someone who just as myself was a bit of a slow learner.  We were smart enough to use these prior experiences to help us acquire what it is that we really need in such a special relationship and not to settle for anything less.  Of course, going through many different kinds of relationships teaches us what love is really all about in our own eyes.  

Once you reach a certain age, you are able to look back and add up two and two so that you are able to see the answers to your own questions.  I know that I did not go into relationships without "thinking" that there was possibly something there.  What would the point of that be?  I needed the perspective of learning about who I was and what I wanted and needed.  Getting hurt is inevitable.  We all must endure this side of first, second or whatever the count may be of your "loves."  It helps you grow, even though it hurts.  And may well drive your parents crazy because they care so much for you and do not want to see you hurt.  I know that my mom could see the writing on the wall, most of the time.  Age and experience does count for something (just not everything!)

Truly, I have seen loving couples who have been together for quite a while and they have everything, or almost everything, in common.  They are absolutely perfect together.  Then, there are couples who are total opposites.  Mr. Laid Back and Ms. Type A Personality, who again are perfect for each other.  I believe this to be the case only when they accept who they each are and what their partner is and allow each other to support, guide and love one another through life's challenges. So there is no one formula.  Each one of us must figure it out for ourselves first, then add in our partner.  If the puzzle fits, TA DA!   

Only by being with other people can true love prevail.  (Unless you are that one couple who met at an early age and stayed happily together. You did not need any affirmation for your foundation you built on the love for one another.)  I surely did.  As do most others.

My husband and I talk about where we would be if  we had not moved on from our first, second, third (I will not embarrass us and go on to the true number of boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives) loves.  We do know that we never would have met each other if our lives had not played out the way that it did.  Never have we had the kind of loving relationship that we now have, had it not been for our first loves.  The power of a first love can leave a lasting imprint on who we are and who we fall for in our future.      

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