Monday, January 9, 2017

Positive Minds

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit."  These are Helen Keller's words!  I for one, could not agree more.  They are powerful and I really do not believe that most people buy into this.  Why?  There just seems to me that there are so many pessimists out there.  Maybe that is just a bit too strong of a word.  My other choice is to think that if they are not pessimists, then they are way too judgmental.

To back up what I am saying, allow me to give specific examples that I have dealt with in first person.  As part of my morning ritual, I find a positive mantra that works for me that day in whatever I am dealing with.  Before I used Face Book, I gave the quote out where I worked each week and called them "milestones."  It was to lift spirits, selfishly maybe, because it started as my own personal mantra before I decided to type it and print it off to put in all of the mailboxes or on desks as I traveled around my job.  This was once a week to approximately one hundred people.  Never did I know that it had such an impact on people until some co-workers shared with me that they put them across their rooms to read when things were not quite going their way.  To be honest, probably some ended up in 'File 13' and that is okay by me.  They obviously were happy enough or felt as if they had no reason to work on attitudes. My saying to myself is that it is not my monkeys, not my circus. Each person can choose to handle their lives in their own way that they feel fit.  (As long as it does not hurt others.)

Only once did someone come to me to talk privately so that she could let me know what someone was saying behind my back to others.  This person stated to others that she had no idea why I was still working.  I obviously (obvious to whom?) did not need to work.  I drove a fine car, I had a beautiful home, I wore nice clothes and seemed stylish, plus I had a husband who worked in her mind in a high paying job at Fed Ex, not knowing where she deducted this myth, certainly from her own imagination somewhere.  This is where the judging comes in to play.  How dare she assume all of this and think that I did not need to work!  We had children who either needed financial help to be in college, or to help with student loans or other debts, we had a mortgage, we had three car payments due each month since one son was not able to work enough hours to pay for his while in college and we did liked to try to take short mini vacations (not cruises).  We both had come to Memphis with not a lot of money due to prior divorces and we had to start over, late in life, to try to build a foundation for our future retirement.

At first, my reaction was to go and give this person a piece of my mind.  As it happens to be, I tend to like to think about my response before going into action.  Having a moment to gather my thoughts gave me the heads up to just let her be.  Let her think what she wants.  I do not need to share my life and my choices with anyone.  I am so glad that I did.  Definitely the right thing to do.  Perhaps, I left out the fact that I was her supervisor.  Yes, so maybe she wanted to just get rid of me so that I would never evaluate her job performance again.  Whatever her reasoning, it was her drama, not mine.

One other type of example was actually on Face Book.  I normally post a positive mantra daily and some days more than one.  I meditate and work that mantra into my own day.  It benefits me.  If it helps others, than all the better.  If I get likes or comments, than that makes me feel great that others liked it.  However, many times, in person someone will tell me that they love it when I post these because it may be exactly what they needed to hear for their own day.  Yet they never, ever posted on my page.  That is truly heart-warming to me.

What does get on my very last nerve is that I am opening up with positivity and someone, always the same person, posts negative feedback.  A non-believer is fine, just keep it to yourself or post it on your own page.  Please don't bring my positive words down on your negative level. The way that I handled it was that I had the power of the delete button.  Never once did she repost the negative things she wrote, nor did she ask me why I deleted them.  It did continue to happen so she obviously was in her own la la land.  Then one day she went way too far.  Instead of deleting, I responded back once.  (Why?  I briefly forgot to use my own emotional intelligence.)  She was making judgment calls on me, a person that she knew nothing about personally in details.  In fact, we have never met.  Some friend gave her my name and she asked to be friends based on that.  However, on this last post, she said that it was okay that I was Miss Positive with having breast cancer because I have a beautiful home, a pool, nice cars, someone to love me, insurance, etc etc........

Just for a moment, very brief, I started to write back.  Then I asked myself, "Why?"  Is there a reason that I would want a person like this to be allowed to judge me on my own personal page? The loud answer came storming through.  NO!  So I took care of business.  Never, ever have I "defriended" someone on Face Book.  I did it.  And did it feel so good?  Yes, it did!  I truly believe that you can't help someone who does not believe that they need help.  When they are the only ones suffering in the world then you just have to let them suffer and either they will continue on this path or hopefully one day wake up and smell the coffee.

Have you ever known someone that you on purpose said in a pleasant happy voice, "Good Morning" to them yet then made sure that you did not say the next usual phrase of, "How are you today?"  The reason being is that you would be there for an hour listening to all the aches and pains and problems that this person has.  Instead, you learned to say in a positive voice for them to have a great day and kept walking fast and furiously.

There are people in the world such as this.  Mary Lou Retton was so very right in stating that "Optimism is a happiness magnet.  If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you."  In my own words, I believe that a positive mind brings on positive vibes which brings on a positive life.

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