DOGS DO GRIEVE

 DO DOGS GRIEVE OTHER DOGS?

Yes, it is true that we can't just ask them and get an answer, we must observe them and most all of the evidence seems to point to the answer of, 'Yes!" They do experience some form of grief in one way or another. It is very likely that they feel all of the emotions that go along with grief when they lose both human and/or canine companions during their lives.

There are many instances of dogs grieving over the loss of their owners, some of which have been made into movies. One example is the movie Hachi. It is a true story and is well worth your time to watch if you missed it. 

Also, there are studies that show that dogs grieve for their close canine companions as well. I have included some tips for identifying their grief, just in case you may have missed it. Also, in my research, I found some ways that we can use to help our fur babies after the loss of their pal. This is from an article by Barbara J. King in Scientific American that revealed how dogs experience behavioral changes after the death of a fellow pup.

Dr. King is a professor emerita of anthropology at the College of William and Mary and explored the topic in her book How Animals Grieve. She states that we can only evaluate what we can see in the dogs' behavioral changes. Something may show up quickly, such as a social withdrawal. He could decide not to eat or drink normally and even continue to search for his companion or vocalize his stress.

Of course, they may not fully comprehend the concept of death and all of its metaphysical implications, but they do know that another dog in their life is missing It is a situation where they have lost the companionship when the other dog is no longer around. Some other examples of grieving may be lethargic behavior or sleeping more than usual, possibly aggressive or destructive behavior, inappropriate elimination in their home, or calling out/howling unusually for their companion. Possibly even continued searching for their friend or becoming extra clingy to their owner.

These are all normal behaviors and should not be harshly punished. Instead, our fur babies need reassurance with lots of love and praise and gentle discouragement from destructive behaviors, including redirecting them.

It has been noted that dogs can form emotional attachments to people and to other dogs. Just as with people, not all dogs react the same after the loss of another dog in the household. If there was a close bond, the dog may react with the behaviors that indicate depression. They may lose their 'spark' and seem less perky, attentive, and active. Each dog, just like people, will grieve differently.

Dogs also pick up on our grief. They watch our facial expressions, moods, and postures. Dogs are smarter than we give them credit for. They know when their human is feeling stressed. There is nothing wrong with giving your fur baby an extra treat, or an extra hug or walk or just to cuddle with you.

The length of time also varies from dog to dog, just as it does from person to person. Typically, it has been shown in studies that it lasts anywhere from two to six months.

Sometimes the answer is to eventually look for another dog companion. Just don't be too quick about it. Allow your dog to grieve and have some alone time. No one, not even a pet, can be replaced but if your fur baby needs a companion to play with and cuddle with while you are at work, another dog just may help. At least try to set up play dates with other dogs, even a doggie day care to play and start to enjoy life again.

The most important thing of all is to just be there for your pet and to give them all of the attention and love they may need to recover from the loss of their friend. That, in turn, will help you recover from the grief too.

I am speaking from experience. Our Davis was 2 years old when we brought Maggie into his life. We actually took him with us so that he could help pick out a playmate. They chose each other. Davis loved her and protected her from the very beginning. They were never apart from one another.

When Davis was 6 he became very ill very quickly. We went straight to the specialist vet and we had no choice to make except to make him at peace. When they carried him in to me he put one paw on my foot and rested his chin on it and looked into my eyes with his soulful look that told me he knew that it was time and that he loved me. I also knew that he would be crossing the rainbow to be with Steve, my husband. Steve loved both of our doodles but Davis was definitely just like Steve. Such a jokester! It was such a sad day and I believe with all of my heart that Davis missed Steve so very much when all of a sudden he was not around. He did have Maggie here but I did not notice any behavior issues. He was such a sweetheart and continued to play catch me if you can jokes on all of the family members. I felt like he was trying his best to somehow get Steve to show up again. Just my thoughts on how he was behaving through my observations.

When I came back from the vet clinic with no Davis --  I knew Maggie picked up on my grief and sorrow. She went to Davis' crate where the doors were always opened and just plopped down on all of the blankets that had his scent on them. Davis carried his blankie around, sort of like a toddler does. Maggie never did but she went in to have some alone time and just get his scent. 

I noticed her perkiness was not there. She was always so prissy and sassy. The one very good thing that seemed to help her some was that my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughters moved in to help me deal with Steve's passing. And then a few months later, we lost Davis. They had a little dog that came along too. Ryder was simply the best thing in the world for Maggie. Even for me. 

Continuing with routines with Maggie and loving her with all of my heart, as well as her new live-in family and dog companion, Ryder, helped her finally come out of her depression. I can say that she now is very close to the Maggie she has always been. She really is connected to this new routine, a new fur baby companion, and the life as we now know it.

FRIENDS

MAKING POSITIVE IMPACTS FOR OURSELVES AND OTHERS

 MAKING POSITIVE IMPACTS

Positive impacts that we have on others will in turn have reverberating effects on ourselves. We all need to share our unique gifts and contributions with people in our lives in a way that will positively impact them in some way. It is the "big why" of why we are on this earth. In a big way, it is what helps us to feel that our lives have meaning and purpose and that our sense of purpose is the essential ingredient in feeling fulfilled and therefore - happier. In previous blogs I have written about 'the bigger why.' Little steps lead up to the bigger why of why we choose to do what we do; for ourselves and others. This quote by Barry Manilow is so very true:

It would be grand if we all evaluated our days not by how much we accomplished or how productive we were, but whether we positively impacted one other person. 

There are many ways to accomplish this. Listening to others by giving them your full attention. Eye contact shows that you are interested in what they have to say.

Helping to cheer others up is a major way to impact others in a positive way. It can be through a smile, a compliment, lending a helping hand or a simple hug or hand pat.

Another way to make tremendous impacts on those around us is by sharing a simple ritual. One that has already been established and that perhaps you are helping to carry on or else starting a new ritual totally. It can bring happiness to others when they are included in rituals. It is part of a together gift. Rituals can turn the simplest thing into something special and beautiful. We all know too well that in our busy and rushed world that we live in, we can all use more rituals to help us find meaning. Some examples may be from the holidays related back to times with our grandparents or great-grandparents or maybe a new one that your own little family came together and made.

In order to give yourself one of the greatest gifts of all time and to feel that tingle of gratitude that happens when you somehow make a positive impact in someone else's life...think about how you can make it happen even with simple acts of kindness such as giving a smile to someone who needs one.

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW

 ONE THING THE WORLD COULD USE MORE OF...

Most definitely there is one thing that the world could use more of is 'KINDNESS.' It doesn't matter if it is from our friends, family or complete strangers that cross our paths in everyday life at work or out shopping or driving on the roads. There is something to be said for showing warmth and caring in our everyday lives by our actions. Really, it does not take scientific studies to prove this statement. It is not rocket science. Some of the ways that it helps all of us to be more kind are:

• First of all, it is free. It does not cost one penny to smile and/or to have a pleasant conversation with someone in line with you at a store or sitting in the doctor's office. Even giving someone a compliment or going the extra mile to help out a colleague at work is free. And it can make both the person receiving the act of kindness, as well as yourself - just feel better.
• Being kind just feels good. It is an immediate pick-me-up and can make all involved feel happier. It is an emotional lift. Our mood elevator will go up to a higher level.
• The saying of what goes around comes around is very true. If you are kind to someone, the chances are that they will return the act at some point or another. That is not the real reason to be kind, however, when we put good things into the world, often it encourages more of the same.
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• Kindness seems to be contagious. Notice that when we are kind to others it makes them happy. When they are happier, they in turn tend to be kinder to others and so on and so on. It is a beautiful cycle to be a part of. The ripple effect is more than we can even imagine.
• Lives are changed with kindness. Maybe what we do in kindness to others seems trivial, yet sometimes even the smallest gesture makes gigantic impacts on others. Even to the point of possibly saving a life, which is all the more reason to just be KIND.
• Amazing fact: being kind can help make friends. It earns long lasting friendships and that is something we all could use more of.
• Kindness opens up our minds and hearts to others. We see their lives, their problems, their worries, their joys and therefore we start to see the whole person. This in turn, makes us a better person. It can lift our spirits and make us happier and enrich our own lives.

• The emptiness of feeling like we may not matter goes away with being kind. It helps the world, even if it is our own small version on the world that we make day to day contact with seem more meaningful
  
  
  

• Being kind to people around us includes animals. 

Be kind to every kind, not just mankind. The fact that animals do not communicate like we do, does not mean they do not feel pain and suffering. Be kind!

Kindness can become a wonderful habit to have.

HOW HOT IS TOO HOT?

 HOW HOT IS TOO HOT?

The season is Summer. It is the end of July and we are about to go into August. We live in the Mid-South. Really, it does not take a meteorologist to tell us that it is going to be hot. They tell us in the early morning, mid-day and before we go to bed at night. It would be REAL news if it were COOL! But, alas, it is not. However, let's not go overboard. We are hitting in the 90's and sometimes, as today it was 93 degrees at 3 pm. The drama surrounding this should be up for award winning drama! Yes, that is quite warm and if one is out working in it, it can even be dangerous if precautions are not taken. Yet when the weather maps are being displayed for the country, there are places that are having temperatures of 100+ such as Lawnton, OK at 111, Abilene, TX - 110, San Antonio - 104, Fayetteville, AR - 103 and there were plenty of others. These either set records or tied records that were set back in 1996 or even 1936. Some were more recent than that but I am just pointing out that we have had these temperatures before. Not that I don't believe in the Climate Change/Global Warming and believe that it is a real thing. Yes, I do. We need to take care of our Earth. 

We also need to be sure to take care of ourselves. Dehydration is a real thing and therefore it is very important to be sure to drink enough water and possibly even add electrolytes through powders or Gatorade/Powerade, etc. It is also important to not leave our pets out in this kind of heat. If there is high humidity, the meteorologist will add on the heat index to let us know that the 95 degrees may feel like 105 degrees. This is one of the reasons that our weather has so many people talking about it. Just think of all of the jobs that involve working outside in this kind of heat. It is critical for these workers to wear appropriate clothing and to drink lots of water. 

In the high heat, it is very important to not walk your dog in the heat on sidewalks or tarmac. If it is too hot for you to touch then it is also burning the pads of their feet. They may also eat less and drink more water. It is intuitive for them to do this. For humans also, if we pay attention to what our bodies are telling us. Mid-day is not exactly the best time to go out for a jog on a hot summer day, yet I witness it frequently. About the only place to be is in a pool or inside in air-conditioning. This was a bit of a challenge when storms came through and knocked out the electricity for hundreds of thousands of homes. Some areas were without power for a week. There were cooling centers for some people to go to and those who could afford it went to hotels if they did not have family they could stay with who did have power.

It just reminds us of how vulnerable we really are without our electricity.

Sometimes we just have to sweat it out. 

MY PERSONAL JOURNEY

 MY PERSONAL JOURNEY

There is a journey that I have personally decided to take for myself. It is one to help me feel better, be healthier and I must add...to feel good about the way I look for myself - not others - but for ME, MYSELF and I. In a way, some may actually say, "Well, that is a very selfish reason." I would respond quickly with a big fat, "NO!" My health and feeling good about my health and the way that I feel in my own body are very important and are not selfish at all.

Practicing kindness should be a HUGE gift that we give to ourselves. This in turn will become a wonderful thing to do for other people. It makes me want to do for others without expecting a thing in return. It automatically boosts my feelings of joy, as well as those around me. To put it even more simply: I know that I become more pleasant to be around if I am practicing kindness to myself because then I have a deep desire to practice kindness on others around me. Taking things less personally reduces stress by just practicing kindness and compassion throughout our days. Sending out good vibes helps me to feel more connected and I believe that we all know how good that feels. It is part of being human!

This journey of mine started out by changing some of my vocabulary. The two words that I had to work on were 'should've and could've. As I made unhealthy choices, such as the shirt above shows stressing over choosing a donut to eat. The vocabulary of saying to myself that I should've NOT eaten that. By taking my personal journey a bit further, I now know that instead of what I should've done, the more important step is what I could've done. Yes, I know sometimes things are easier said than done. For me, it was getting my attitude adjusted and my mindset where it needs to be. It is so not motivating me to tell myself that I should not have eaten that donut and I will do better tomorrow. The vicious cycle begins, at least for me it does. I know that I must tell my brain what it can do. I am in charge and I can make good choices. So I could've walked away and had a more nutritional snack that would not make me feel guilty and actually get me off the path toward my own healthy personal journey. And that is what I have been doing. Three months now on my personal journey and down 40 pounds. I really did not think that it showed as much as it did until my daughter took a 'now' picture and put it side by side before the loss of 40 pounds. 

I must admit that I started crying when I saw with my own eyes the difference. I just wonder why I did not start before now. Again, it is ok and I will be kind to myself and have compassion because I am now on the right road to a healthier me. It has become the bigger why of developing a greater sense of purpose in my life by connecting what I do now and how it is contributing in a positive way to something greater. It makes me feel like what I am doing has purpose. My stress levels seem to have dropped. My list of what I need to do each morning to maintain my healthy lifestyle is a way that I love to start my day. It is my own private to do list and that comes first before anything else. It is my BIG WHY! 

I now know what my BIG WHY is and that is what motivates me. 

SWEET FROM THE VINE

 SWEET FROM THE VINE

From his fields to his corner market at 1126 C Street in Cordova, Micah McDaniel has it going on. 

The Memphis area is blessed, in that we have many parts of our city and suburbs where we can stop off and pick up fresh fruits and veggies, along with other delicious homemade foods. 

One very special Farmer's Market happens to be close to my home. My husband and I discovered it a few years ago. Ever since that summer we have gone together to pick up the most delicious and fresh produce ever. And, yes, we have gone to other markets. This one is special. WHY? Because of the owner, Micah McDonald, and the rest of his wonderful family and friends that all work together to treat customers with such care and respect that they want to return to this local produce stand. Year after year we returned and each year, he remembered us.

This year was different for not just me, but for all. You see, I had to let Micah know that Steve was not with me because he had passed away last year in the late Fall. It was a bit shocking to him because the two of them talked a lot when we stopped in weekly. Add to the fact that not only was Steve the kind of person that he was, but he had such a strong British accent. It did bring tears to my eyes that Steve was no longer able to go over to the market with me and pick out things for our weekly meals.

Making it a part of the loving memories that Steve left for me is not always easy to do without becoming teary-eyed. Still a work in progress. He left so many happy and loving memories for me to cherish. 

Now that my daughter, Jenni, and Craig, along with Bailey and Skylar, my granddaughters, have moved in with me, we make one big happy family now. Sometimes we go together. In fact, my granddaughters were with their other grandparents from Mississippi yesterday and they took them to Sweet From the Vine for a BIG watermelon. The eldest granddaughter wanted one of the special Sweet From the Vine t-shirts and so she picked one out for herself.

To say they are now huge fans of this special Farmer's Market is an understatement. Another plus, for those of us who find it a little hard to tote the goodies purchased, along with the big watermelon, is that Micah or someone else who is there with him carries it out to the car for their customers. Such service! Impressive!

What more can I say, except that I think if you find yourself in the general area, you should stop in and discover this gem for yourself. Micah is on Facebook if you search Sweet From the Vine and he has pictures of the new produce or baked goods. We picked up the 'fairy eggplants' when they were in season. I even have some friends who live much closer to other farmer markets, but they find themselves coming to this one due to the hospitality and freshness of the produce. 

I will leave you with pictures of just some of the beautiful produce that you can find at Sweet From the Vine.

As you can see, there is no shortage of delicious fresh produce. It is such a wonderful and colorful display of all that is good for you. If you noticed, I did enlarge the picture of the Amish hand-held pies. It doesn't hurt to have a little splurge now and then if you are eating this healthy with all of these fruits and vegetables. I did not even show the jars of freshly canned pickles, chow-chow, okra and preserves. It is something to stop in and take a walk around. 

Please be sure to tell Micah that you saw this blog when you do. Or send him a comment on his Facebook page. He has many of these pictures and more, along with the days and times that he is open. (Thursday - Saturday 9 - 6 - Saturday it is until he is sold out so get there early!)

A very dear friend made this Farmers Market bag for me and personalized it with a picture of our two doodles in the truck, Maggie Mae and Davis. It always goes with me weekly to the Market  -  hope to see you there!

SELF-DISCOVERY

 SELF-DISCOVERY

Self-improvement books are everywhere in the book stores. Maybe you have even purchased a few of them. I know that I certainly have. A lot of my time in the past was spent thinking about what I should do or maybe even what would be the right thing to do. In order to answer that question honestly, I now know that I must understand the true me. I must truly know myself. We all want to get better but what comes into play is the need for self-discovery. We really must figure out how our life's journey can be shared with others using our own unique gifts.

It most definitely is not an easy process and it takes time. Small steps, which many times can lead us in the wrong direction that only we can discover ourselves.

When my own life was turned upside down with the death of the only true love of my life, I had such unbearable grief and no idea where I would be headed. He was my knight in shining armor and I could not imagine him not by my side ready to rescue me or simply holding his hand. My wonderful family were close by and oh yes, Steve's and mine two golden doodles. For a time, I simply went through the motions of day-to-day. I missed our life together. We basically did everything side by side and this is why all of a sudden I felt as if my life had been turned totally upside down. 

As I mentioned before, it is not an easy process to go on a self-discovery adventure. To begin this new chapter of my life took time and patience and will continue to be a work in progress. Not only was it a new way of day-to-day living, it was a time to work on what inspires me and fuels me. Yes, it took some deep thinking about which way to turn and what to do first. It is different for everyone and I can only share how I worked my way through self-discovering myself. 

First of all, I had to stop and think about what it was that I wanted from life. I took the step of deciding where to live. My precious daughter, Jennifer, and her family stayed with me in this very large home to help me in the beginning. We actually had three dogs now and both granddaughters had a bedroom upstairs plus another Master bedroom. Add on a large media/playroom with an enormous walk-in closet that would make for a perfect office for Jennifer. She could even hold Zoom meetings when necessary in this office. 

We all talked about it and everything seemed to work out just fine talking about it. We gave it time and then once we were sure that we all would be compatible to actually live together under the same roof, the process started in cleaning out what was not needed so that they could begin bringing their things in to make upstairs theirs. We had many trips, more than I could count, to charities for donations of clothes, furniture, books, DVDs, CDs...Really a total clean-out that needed to be done quite a while ago. Steve and I even discussed downsizing because we did not need this large of a home. Now with 4 more added residents...I am so glad that we never got around to selling this home and moving to a smaller one. 

Once the day-to-day priorities were in place, I felt like I could move on to search for my inner self and what I wanted to do. What would bring me enjoyment? Oh yes, living with all four of my new live-in family brought me joy...I could not be happier with that arrangement. What I needed to do was to adjust my mindset that things will not ever be the way they were with just Steve and me. There are no quiet mornings for the most part. What there is now in this home is a lot of love for one another. I know for a fact that if I were all alone without all four of them, I would be having many more meltdowns over losing Steve. But when I have a darling 6-year-old telling and showing me how she talks to "Smiley," as they all call Steve, it brings such joy within me. Yes, and at times tears of joy. Because he was so loved by his granddaughters and his daughter who he embraced as his very own, to the extent of walking her down the aisle when she married Craig. Craig appreciated his British sense of humor and getting into Dr. Who discussions with him. In a way, we all were in mourning over losing this wonderful, awesome man. We stuck together and made it work. 

That was a big part of my own self-awareness. I was understanding my feelings and desires. It helped me know where I was headed with my creativity and definitely helped with my self-esteem. I even started my own health journey to eating better and following my physical therapy exercises. I realized what worked for me to acknowledge and correct this issue. Getting out of my comfort zone and challenging myself would set me on one of the right paths.

Getting out of some of my old habits and trying new ways toward my own self-discovery took linking up with others to share my experience. Of course, my family would help as I shared my plans. The biggest help was my Coach toward a healthier me on this journey and joining other friends who are taking this path for their lives, too. Finding new habits, healthier ones is what seems to work for me, both mentally and physically.

Definitely, I am becoming more comfortable with myself. Journaling most definitely has always been a part of my life. Now, it is even more important for me. It helps me to organize my thoughts and to see how gratitude helps me see what is impacting my life and how I respond. It adds insight to the small things all around me and has become a part of making me aware of not only my feelings but the feelings of those around me also. So many times it is the little things that matter the most.

There is a way to practice trusting yourself. Self-discovery can be a very challenging experience. One that requires self-love and self-compassion. Trust yourself. As I think of my behaviors and values, it is important that I do not have negative judgments. Question more about why those thoughts are there, where they come from, and if there is something that I may need to rethink and try a different way. It is a matter of learning from failure and being intentional in setting my habits. This works for me because I am all about setting up plans. 

It is so important to be compassionate with yourself. I love John O'Donohue's quote above. This compassion allows you to trust in your own soul, which lets you guide your life. This is what self-discovery is all about. He wrote A Blessing which was for grief and helped me move forward and be more self-compassionate in my life after the loss of Steve. 

Never be afraid to explore your passions and go on your very own self-discovery. Remember this: