Monday, February 13, 2017

Is It Love?

It is true that most people, including myself, can give a correct dictionary definition of love. It is an intense feeling of deep affection.  With Valentine's Day coming up (tomorrow for you procrastinators) I thought that I would write a little about love and how I know it when I see it. I used to believe that once you knew what it was and recognized it, then you would be able to pursue it.  That is so not right.  Why?  It is really very simple.  Love is a force of nature. Love can not be controlled, nor managed no more than Mother Nature and the moon, sun, and the stars.

Love can be invited into your life and it comes in a variety of different manners. Love experiences are different for everyone and even the meaning of love is extremely subjective. Examples: "I love my significant other, I love my children, I love my pets, I love bacon, I love books, I love my job, I love....!"  You get the picture.  With it being Valentine's Day, my blog is going to focus on the love between significant others. The word "love" in my opinion is overused. Would it be more precise to say that I enjoy bacon or I have a passion for reading books or my job?

My point being that we all must use our words carefully.  It really is not that difficult to understand love once you are aware of how it works. Usually, as in my case and many others, it can be very easy to fall in love with someone. The difficulty is to stay in love.  The most important part here is to understand that if it was difficult to stay in love then it was not "the love of my life." Know when it is time to move on once you are aware that there is not a shared love in that relationship.  

Truly, most couples who are together are together because they feel as if they are deeply in love.  I would not have gone through all of the steps leading up to marriage if I had not positively believed without a doubt that I was in love and that someone was in love with me.  We would spend the rest of our lives together.  Love is always beautiful, if it is not beautiful, it is not love.  Where love at one time may have existed, it faded and it probably faded because it was not 'real love.'  There is a big difference.

When I meet couples who are coming up on 35, 45, 55 or more years of marriage with the same partner, I am totally amazed.  If you stay around them for any length of time, you can actually feel the love that they share together. My husband and I have each been married about 35 years, just not to the same people. Call us slow learners, perhaps?  It just took a while to figure out if we were experiencing real love or not. Taking the time to think what unconditional love really looks and feels like is the most important question for all to ask of themselves. Just be real.  It is not that complicated.  

Well, it sorta, kinda is a bit complicated; so much so, that books are written to teach you how to get someone addicted to you.  Is this what you want?  In my younger years, basically, this was how the 'game plan' went. The books are written to teach men or women how to have the opposite sex eating out of your hand.  If that is what you want, then that is what you will get. Some people are better at this game than others.  Some people fall for it easier than others and believe themselves to have fallen in love, when really we are talking infatuation.  Infatuation can be very exciting and intoxicating.  It can easily make one think that they have found their soulmate.    

The saying that the third time will be the charm was so true for Steve and me.  At the ages that we were when we met, we both had a much clearer view of the world.  For both of us there were some clues that we used to distinguish if we had met our life partner.  

The best part of the day, my highlight, is when I am with him.  My day has gone well and being with Steve it goes up to another level.  When something good happens, he is the first person that I want to tell.  I would do anything to make his day go better and to make him happy.  I want everyone around us to know just how much I love him.  From the very beginning, I was in the long term thinking mode.  It becomes hard to imagine a future without him. We have shared some of these feelings that we had this time around in dating. Amazingly enough, we both had basically the same list of the characteristics of real love. 

The term unconditional love is used frequently. In thinking on those terms, it is rather redundant.  Real love is unconditional.  It is absolute love.  Steer clear of someone saying these words, which just so happen to be the second longest running Off-Broadway musical, "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change." You should run like the wind and start imagining what your unconditional love will involve.  It is worth the wait if you have not found yours yet.  


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