LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH

 LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH

Loving and liking are two completely different terms. For some of us loving comes easier than liking while it is the complete reverse for others. It is possible to like a person but not love them or you can love a person and not like them. 

Loving seems to be easier for some. You don't need to like that person at all. You just need to be attracted to them at a mental level. Kind of what I feel the lyrics in this song lends itself to. "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you are with." Just in my own opinion, I can't buy that. To me, that is not love, that is lust. And you can see that relationship going down the tubes fast.

I did read that the difference between like and love is a complicated scenario. This person felt that there is nobody who can ever find someone that they like as well as love. Really? I find those are the marriages or relationships that really last.

 

Those little quirks that a lover may have are just that. Little hiccups along the way. Maybe they don't put dishes away. So does that mean you don't like them? There is a play that I once saw called, "I Love You, You Are Perfect, Now Change." Just in my opinion, no, no, no. There was never love there. If so, you can forgive those little imperfections, because believe me...we all have them. 

To fall in love with someone you have to respect and admire them. You can only do that after you know enough about them to respect and admire. Maybe you are attracted to their looks, but when you find out more about them, you no longer respect or admire them, so you fall out of love with them. Actually, you were never in love with them to begin with but may have thought you were. It is true that you can care about someone you do not like if you have spent enough time with them and bonded through experience, but you will never be 'in love' with them.

Every relationship is different. People's needs and wants in a relationship are very different. The one thing that stays a constant is that you want to feel important to that person. You want to feel like you truly matter to them.

There are some who believe that like is largely conditional, and I totally disagree that like is a watered down version of love. We like something or someone if it puts us in a good mood. We like someone if our tastes converge. 

I believe that part of love is also liking. True love does require respect, esteem, believing the person to have qualities worth admiring. If what you are mistaking for love is something else, perhaps lust or infatuation or just a kind of need for attention, you are in for heartache. Love is built upon liking. In my mind, you can like someone and stop short of love but you cannot love without first liking. No matter what the lyrics say in the song, "Love the one you're with."

HAPPIER

 HAPPIER

Just like the Pharrell Williams song, there are ways to incorporate into our lives to help us all feel happier. When I hear this song, it just makes me feel like dancing and singing along. I did see in my reading on this subject, ways to help add to our happiness. I put the hodge podge together and came up with the some of the ways that made the most sense to me and things that I try to do daily.

When I am struggling to get over a "bump in my road" I try to stop and actually review what I am dealing with; one thought at a time.

If I take the time to feel grateful for what I do have, my whole attitude changes. It is a fairly easy thing to do if I open my eyes and heart and think about all the good things I have to be grateful for.

My compassion must also include myself. (Not just self-criticism which I admit that I am quite good at sometimes). I must remember to also have self-compassion. How can I help others if I can't help myself?

Some emotions are easy to deal with while others are more difficult. I have learned over the years that accepting how I feel helps me move on from there. That is the most important task.

To be a little corny here: it is a joyful feeling to choose joy over sadness. It is ok to have sad emotions. Accept it, understand why and then I talk to myself of how I can move on from that point.

My journey in life is always happier if I welcome enthusiasm. It can be a 'reset' button' on my attitude. And, I might add, a positive reset button.

How many remember this oldie but goodie? Having good intentions help push you in the right direction of happiness. Sometimes, you may need to explain to others your thought process of being joyful and having gratitude when things are going on all around you. In other words, you really don't want to be misunderstood for having good intentions. (By the way, the song is by The Animals.)

It is a true statement for me that if I can be still and be quiet, then I will begin to see the eyes of the heart. It sort of brings it all together for me. 

Really life isn't as serious as my brain makes it out to be. My brain is always on a survival mode. Which in some ways is good, however, I know that I must remember to not take life or myself too seriously. Chill and relax some. I like to use that quiet time to work it out.

We all have our skills. Some need more practicing than others. I have discovered that I am happiest when I am being creative. It can be sketching, painting, writing, calligraphy...just keeping my hands busy. 

I, as well as you, can be anything at all...but most importantly to me is to show others your kindness. It demonstrates that you care. 

Well, I need to master my Spanish on the Rosetta Stone before I move on to French. I do believe that learning new things helps me know that there are  subjects to be discovered and that I can do it. It is a matter of staying with whatever I choose to learn. 

To me, this sums up (almost) my whole blog. By living simply, caring deeply, speaking kindly and by all means to love generously is a sure way to guide me to happiness. 

There are always little things, that are not unimportant but this blog was an overall spin of ways to be happier. If I tried, I could put some of the little things under one of the larger ways that I listed above. For example, it makes me so happy when I have a good hair day. That really fits under self-compassion and not taking myself too seriously. It all mixes together. 

So get busy clapping your hands if you feel like happiness is the truth. It is a beautiful sunshiny day here and that really makes me happy. However, turning my thoughts around on a gray and rainy day of how it is helping the flowers grow? There is a way to help make it work and just be happy instead of struggling through life.

EASTER CELEBRATION

 EASTER CELEBRATION

TAKING THE DAY OFF TO ENJOY CELEBRATING EASTER WITH MY FAMILY! I WISH EVERYONE A VERY HAPPY EASTER AND PASSOVER. (AND ANY OTHER HOLIDAY THAT I MAY BE MISSING)

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT

 WE ARE WHAT WE EAT

After checking out some research, it really does seem to confirm this statement of we are is what we eat, at least on some levels. If, for instance, you consume hot and spicy food, there is a great chance that you may become hot headed easier than others. Foods that we eat can significantly affect our moods. I love spicy foods and I would not call myself an aggressive person. I don't think others would consider this a trait of mine either. Moderation is the key.

Food doesn't just give us energy, it truly does impact our moods. It has been helping me make better food choices. Knowing that different foods trigger different moods, I am able to choose foods that will help me get to my desirable moods.

Just think about it for a minute. If you are like me, when I am feeling down, I crave something sweet. It could be a glazed doughnut, a candy bar, or ice cream. When I eat these type of foods, I almost instantly feel better. The scientific reason is because of the hormones released in our brains when we consume high calorie foods. (dopamine) Besides sweet foods, high protein foods help to improve motivation and concentration.

Getting down to the scientific reason of why food affect our moods in so many different ways is all based on our gastrointestinal tract where billions of bacteria live. The food we eat directly affects our balance of good and bad bacteria and influences the production of the chemical messengers that are constantly carrying messages from our gut to our brain. These neurotransmitters carry the feel good hormones from these foods to help make us feel happy.

The same goes for other kinds of foods, let's call them Mood Foods.

Let's say if I am feeling agitated when it is time to go to bed, it is as if my mind is running like a motor. A study did find that a glass of tart cherry juice might help if I had it in the morning and again at night before bed. The reason being is that the cherries are high in melatonin which initiates the sleep cycle. Somehow this hormone is tied into our biological clocks about when it is time to wind down.

It would be nice if I could get to my Happy Place (the beach) anytime that I am feeling anxious and need to relax. An easier way may be to munch on a few Brazil nuts. They are loaded with selenium. Just one ounce contains over 700% of our recommended daily intake. The greater the selenium intake has been linked to lower anxiety levels and improvement of moods.

Then, if I am feeling stressed, I tend to gravitate to junk food instead of foods that could actually reduce my stress level and maybe even prevent it from happening. Snacking on vitamin C rich bell peppers and citrus fruits help to lower levels of cortisol, which is the stress hormone that takes over the fight or flight mode in all of us. Research has shown that large doses of vitamin C may actually stop stress before it starts simply by reducing the amount of cortisol released.

I suppose that it really is true in that we are what we eat. It is important to stay nourished and to know why. Four important things to remember is that trans fats actually may prevent the formation of omega-3 fatty acids which have been proven to elevate our moods. We all know what a quick jolt of refined sugar does to us. Gets us moving and going BUT is it worth it? There is going to be a sugar level crash that will leave us irritated and tired. Stay hydrated. Even when we are just a little bit dehydrated it is easier to lose focus and have that headache with fatigue. I found it easier to invest in a water bottle that lets me know how much I have had to drink. I have discovered that when the water level in my bottle has not gone down, a headache comes on much easier. 

There are fruits that are called power fruits for a reason. Kiwis and blueberries are known to be at the top of the list. Tests were done showing that people who drank smoothies made with blueberries did better on memory and concentration tests than those who did not. Coincidence? I need all the help I can get on memory and concentration, so I will not question that research. 

Let's be realistic. Keep this quote in mind when meal planning, however, there are times that you just might need that cookie...just not every day.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN AGE GRACEFULLY?

 DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN AGE GRACEFULLY?

There is an age old question (no pun intended) about should we believe anti-aging or pro-aging? Of course, anti-aging simply shows 20-30 something year olds using creams and makeups that will make you look younger. (anti-aging) Well, duh! My skin could look like that if I were back in my 20's also. 

So let's be honest here. If you are like me then let's start exactly where we are. Whatever age you may be (and I will not be sharing mine, thank you) why not look at it on the positive side? Pro-aging. There is a way to do that. 

First of all look at this in a positive manner. Aging is better than the alternative. So, growing older is not an option unless you have a magical wand, so why not at least try to do it gracefully? And, let me add that there are many ways to do just that. I am only going to talk about some things that I have read about and try to work on for myself. There are so many other ways, many of which I am sure you could add to my list.

• Let's start with the obvious. Smoking and too much alcohol is not good for anyone; older or younger
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• Be sure to see your doctor and dentist and even a therapist, if need be, on a regular basis. 
  
  
  
• Along with seeing the doctor for physicals, it helps to know which foods are better for us than others. At least by my age, I have read and learned which are better choices. Some good ideas to consider is to limit red meat and meats that have nitrates in them such as hot dogs, bacon, deli meats. Notice that I said limit. Moderation is the key word. Avoiding too many processed foods and little tricks like buy plain yogurt and add your own fresh fruit. Sugary fruit juices that are high in sugar, as well as sodas and energy drinks should be avoided. Whole wheat breads and pastas are so much healthier. Butter is better than margarine. (I like that!) Too much salt and sugar along with caffeine will add wrinkles. Proven research backs this up for proof. Again, I like to live by moderation. Best to keep hydrated with water. 
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• Vitamins are important. It may be a good idea to discuss which ones and how much is best for you when the doctor does blood work. Vitamin D and C are very important. Better to get vitamins from the food we eat, so always be sure that you are eating foods with those vitamins in them. If not, then time for a supplement.
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• Doesn't have to be the can-can dance. A simple walk will do it.
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• Exercise, at almost any level that you are physically able to do is better than nothing. For example, I can no longer do yoga on the floor. There is a great book out that is all about chair yoga. Plus a few that a physical therapist recommended to me. I am working up to walking our furry friends, which is getting two items off my list with one activity. Furry friends need walking and so do I.
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• Turning that frown upside down will help tremendously. First of all, you use less muscles to smile than to frown and it can change not only your frame of mind but those around you as well. Add laughter to it and you have a win-win situation.
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• Organizing your life and decluttering help in your mind set. That, along with getting enough sleep are two ways to help everyone age gracefully. Dark circles under our eyes will not help. Just another subject to talk to your doctor about. And while we are on the topic, let's talk about make-up. It is true that less is better. That does not mean NO make-up. It may mean a trip to the make-up counter to find out how to apply make-up so that it seems to enhance your age. There is a way. I highly recommend monthly or every other month facials to help restore your skin. And never, ever forget your neck. That is one of the first places that age. The "M" word  -  MOISTURIZE. Yes, even for men.
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• Gratitude is the attitude that will take you where you want to be. Saying thank you, even to yourself as you do things for you is not a selfish thing. It is important to be kind to yourself. 

“And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!” ― Audrey Hepburn

COOKING WITH A PARTNER

 COOKING WITH A PARTNER

For someone like myself or my partner, it is a no brainer. We both love to cook. While dating, we took turns cooking for each other. When he told me that he makes a "mean chili" then I was ready to take him on. Actually, I believed no one could make it better than I did. Same thing with spaghetti or lasagna. Wrong on all occasions. This man had no limits...ah-ha...until you got to the real Southern dishes. The kind that my Grandmother passed down to me. Then, I had him. Same thing for him. There was no way that I even wanted to eat something called Yorkshire Pudding, much less know how to cook it. Beef Wellington? Not in my recipe book! Definitely not Bangers and Mash, Toad in the Hole, or Welsh Rarebit. And this is really just a grilled cheese sandwich with a little HP sauce. The first time he told me that he would make me a typical British breakfast I was truly excited. Well, I was about the way he prepared the eggs and I loved the tomatoes and mushrooms thrown in on the side. But no thank you to the baked beans and the British kind of sausage and bacon and let's not even get into the black pudding. (Don't ask me what it is and I won't tell.)The sausage and bacon have totally different flavors than ours. Plus, I love my bacon very crispy.

 

British breakfast with all the trimmings.

Beef Wellington

Bangers and Mash

Welsh Rarebit

My favorite, even with the mushy peas! Atlantic Cod is the best!

When our son lived with us, he did comment that we should open a restaurant and call it The Brit and the Belle. It would have the best of the UK and the South.

Both of us have taught each other the best of the best of both cultures. For me, it was a matter of the language. Yorkshire pudding is not pudding at all. Well, it is baked pudding made from a batter of eggs, flour, and milk. It comes out to a crispy pastry cup that can be filled with onion gravy alone or with bits of roast in it. It soon became one of my favorites. 

Until I was educated on some of these dishes, I had planned on living on Fish and Chips while in the UK and sometimes a good Chinese take out or Indian chicken curry. These little shops are up and down the streets. Most of them very good. Going into a pub and having a real British beer has become one of my favorites, but that is the only place I want my beer warm. Here in the states it had better be served ice cold. Not sure what the reasoning is behind that. It is what it is.

When Steve asked me if I was going to make roast potatoes with the roast I was making, I looked at him as if why would you ask such a question. My grandmother always did it on Sunday Roast day. I put in all of the usual veggies to cook with the roast, except when he saw it, he did not know what to say or do. So he just laughed when he asked if that was truly what I thought roast potatoes were? He could not make any up right then. It is a rather long process. The next time we had a roast, he made the roast potatoes. I have never tasted something so heavenly ever. Not that my Grandmother's were bad. They were in two different categories. No comparison! The English version is first cooked in potato pieces in water, let alone to cool, then placed in a very hot oven with shortening in the dish and baked until golden. The outside is crispy and the inside is so perfectly soft.

Roast Potatoes

His stories turn out to be about the same. He was over to Memphis for a business trip where he was staying at The Peabody. He ordered a typical breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon and he saw this scoop of white stuff on the side. He asked what it was. The server told him that would be grits. Some guests liked to salt them, some preferred a bit of sugar and always a little more butter. He did take a bite and could not believe that people ate this stuff. Even at The Peabody, they serve grits in like an ice cream scooper and plop them on your plate. NO, no, no, no. That is not the proper way to serve grits. That was a long time ago. I am sure that they serve them differently now. (I hope!) My story for this culinary delight is that I invited Steve over for an Easter dinner with my Mother and daughter. As we passed the dishes around the table I announced what each one was. Not knowing his Peabody story, I noticed a worried look on his face. His polite and gentle personality did have him take the spoon and get a small amount for his plate. (Notice that I said 'spoon' not an 'an ice cream scooper.')  Everything else he was fine with. It was a typical American Easter Dinner. Ham, green bean casserole, cheese grits, carrot souffle and biscuits. Two of the items he had not eaten the way I had cooked them were the cheese grits and carrots. The carrot souffle never but he knew he liked carrots and of course green beans and ham. No problem. I will give him credit. He did take a bite of the grits. Then I saw a smile. He finished what was on his plate and asked if he may have a little more of the cheese grits. He shared the story of his first encounter of grits. I told him no wonder! I could not even eat grits that way unless I had a lot of butter and salt. 

Cheese Grits which can also be made with a touch of jalapenos baked in to give a little kick to it.

Once we were an item and cooking a lot of meals together, we just fell into place of taking turns being the chef or else the sous chef. The sous chef not only has ingredients washed, prepared for cutting and measuring units out along with the proper bowls and pans. Also they help to clean up along the way. In our kitchen the sous chef also helps by reading out the recipe as we go along. 

There is no way that we plan on opening our own restaurant, although we do give credit to our son for having such a creative idea. Way too much work and we enjoy our evenings together. Not in a restaurant working, not even in our own.