TALKING TO OURSELVES

 TALKING TO OURSELVES

Research has shown that verbalizing our thoughts can actually improve our problem-solving skills. Many times this means talking out loud to ourselves. This facilitates orientation and concentration. It does this by boosting our own motivation to do something positive for ourselves. It is a way to prioritize using informative and structured decisions. This in turn helps to reduce stress in our lives. 

When facing challenges, whether it be work-related or even our own personal issues; reading about the pros and cons of our own situations, and then having a one-on-one conversation with ourselves is a very intelligent way to work on our own problem-solving techniques. 

Putting the wording of my own self-talk in 2nd or 3rd person is a huge motivation. Changing the self-talk from negative (YOU can't do this) to (YOU can do this) can be monumental in your motivation to accomplish a particular job or changing bad habits into good habits. YES, YOU CAN DO THIS! Through repetition of saying it out loud to yourself somehow is the magic trick. It channels negative thoughts into articulating them in a positive and objective light.

There are five levels of self-talk. The first one is all about the negative thoughts. I can't do that...if only I could...I wish that I could. Unfortunately, this is the most used form of self-talk and all it does is work against us.

The more positive would be Level II. This level acknowledges that we need to change. In our heads we are hearing, I need to...I ought to...I should. The recognition is there but something is missing - the solution.

Level III is actually making the decision to change. It is important to put this in the present tense as if it has already happened. Example: I want to lose weight so I need to say, "I am choosing healthy foods to improve my health." It is a way to reprogram my brain. This puts me in control.

Level IV has me thinking totally positively. I am making good choices for myself to achieve my goal. This fills my mind with self-belief, self-respect, and positive programming.

The last level, Level V is total universal affirmation. It has us to have more acceptance of ourselves. We see that we do matter and that there is meaning in our lives. No thought at any time can dwell in my mind without my permission. If it tries...I can choose to accept it or I can kick it out.

I know what I will choose, and I can positively say that it works. Do you remember back in the days when we would pass someone in public and think they were crazy because it seemed as though they were talking out loud to themselves? It was before earbuds became so popular. 

Next time someone catches you talking to yourself just say, "Science approves!" Or, if you want to try to have a sense of humor about it just say, "Yes, I am having an intelligent conversation with myself and I also answer myself."

THE WORLD OF BEING SINGLE!

 THE WORLD OF BEING SINGLE

However your circumstances of being in the land of singledom happened, there are some benefits of it. I am writing this blog as someone who has recently come to this conclusion. Becoming single was not supposed to be in the cards for me just yet. It was not until I lost my husband, my soulmate, and the once-in-a-lifetime love of my life that I was brought into this world. 

There are other ways such as a divorce or simply not meeting THE person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am not here to debate the causes - just to talk about the benefits. The reason for me to write about it is that I am finally coming to terms with my singledom and it is not such a bad deal since I can never have my life back the way it was before. It is a new day for me. And...this took a couple of years for me to come to terms with. 

Some of these benefits don't exactly fit me but nonetheless - they are benefits.

• Spontaneity is a perfect example- there is no one else to consider when you want to change your plans at the drop of a hat. It is less stressful and more calm.

• Choosing where you want to go on your trips - maybe the trip of your dreams, how long to stay, no compromising; even to restaurants, movies, plays, concerts, etc.

• Doing what you want with your friends and family. Cultivating those relationships. Never dealing with in-laws. Sometimes this can be no problem ever. (as in my case - I had the perfect mother-in-law) Then other times I hear the tales from others...😱

• Take up and use the whole bed all to yourself. Also, enjoy being as comfy as you want when you want.

• Work on self-care and becoming your authentic self. Enjoy the solitude to recharge and just enjoy life. You are in charge of setting your own boundaries and where you are headed in your own personal growth.

Singledom does not mean that it is meant for you to do all alone. It is fine to go out alone but it also is fun to have someone to just go out and have a coffee, a meal, or watch a movie with. In singledom - you have this choice! How wonderful that can be! Relationships are not just one on one. There are many more and all kinds to enjoy.

There is one important thing to remember:

You will always be there for YOU!

😊

DARE TO IMAGINE

DARE TO IMAGINE

 

Can you dare to imagine the possibilities in your future? It does not matter about your age; the possibilities are endless. All one needs to do is to get really excited and don't stop thinking about it or even more than one particular thing. Putting things off till tomorrow is not the way to go. Sometimes it takes getting out of our comfort zones to move ahead. This is not always a comfortable feeling. Do you dare to truly envision your future self; whether you are 20 or 60 or 70 or 80. What is in your future?

If you are in the latter age group that I listed, then you already are quite aware that there is no ONE path. Life happens and sometimes dreams must be put on the back burner. Don't let them simmer there too long, is all that I saying. Once we realize that, it can make us understand there are no impossibilities. 

Don't let others hold your dreams and passions hostage. Nothing is impossible. Even the word possible is within that word itself. Find what makes you happy and then do more of it. Why put it off to another time? That 'other time' may not come. Live like there is no tomorrow. Enjoy life NOW. Many older people will tell you this is the honest truth and that they wish that they had done more earlier. 

If you are still employed and soon to retire (or dreaming of it) then start now working on what you will do. Yes, of course, you will enjoy retirement but will you if you are spending time in a rocking chair or do you have a passion that you want to hone in on if you only had the time. When you retire then you will have the time. I can write, paint, blog, and read - all at my choice of time to do it. It is an amazing feeling.

Truly, it makes one feel more alive, more vibrant, more invigorated. Such a wonderful feeling.

~  There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly. ~

HOW DO WE FIND OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?

 HOW DO WE FIND OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?

If we look back on our adult experiences and think about them, the steps and events lead us along the path to our future. If not for those experiences, we may never be able to identify or rule out what it is that brings us passion in our lives. It can be a bit overwhelming to look back and see exactly how events and circumstances connect to each other long before we see that the "dots can be connected. Actually, it can help us see some of our future.

Each one of us can choose to see the purpose of where we stand today and whether or not we have made progress or if we are stuck in neutral. If we are totally honest with ourselves, we have all been in both places.

None of us have a life's purpose that is a non-stop arrival. It takes a lot of working out which paths to take on our journey. There are endless possibilities that lead us to our lifes stories.

Basically, it comes down to trusting the process. If we are doing something - anything at all - we need to trust that we are headed in the right direction and it is for a reason. We are creating meaning in our lives. Sometimes it may turn out to not be the right way in the long run but we will never know if we don't take those steps and trust ourselves. Experiences we have don't just evaporate into thin air. Sometimes they circle back to us or add useful information that helps to take us toward a new direction that we never would have thought of before. I know that no matter where we find ourselves today, tomorrow will be different. That is one way that life is predictable. Nothing is permanent.

When we make a mind-set shift, questions will follow that help to guide us and this will let us know if this is time wasted or time well spent.

Take comfort in knowing that none of us "have arrived." In other words we all are just figuring it out as we go. The good news is that we can live more intentionally along the way if we remember that each experience starts to feel meaningful. So my advice to myself that I am sharing is not to reserve these experiences for the future and that someday or one day there will be purpose. That purpose is right now and to be built upon - one step at a time.

WHY WE FIND THE WATER PEACEFUL

 WHY WE FIND THE WATER PEACEFUL

Being on, in, or near water has a stress-relieving and creativity-boosting impact on the brain. Research actually studied this. There is a concept called the 'Blue Mind' that originated with a marine biologist, Wallace J. Nichols, who is remembered for his work in science and conservation. He wrote a book called Blue Mind where he described the phenomenon as a 'mildly meditative' state that's inspired by water and "takes advantage of the neurological connections formed over millennia" that are still being discovered via newer technology such as the EEG and MRI.

Readers sent photos of oceans, lakes, rivers, and even pools to say that their favorite body of water "soothes their souls, brings peace, is their happy place, and seems to align their internal rhythm to the universe." That is pretty powerful stuff in my opinion. I know that the beach is my happy place and that is what I have always called it. The sounds, the smells...there is nothing else quite like it.

On that note though, I can also say that where I live is land-locked and not around the ocean. However, I am blessed enough to have a pool and I can say that in weather where it is feasible I am so happy out around the pool. When the weather is not cooperative, it also works just to look out over the pool from inside. I stopped having the pool covered in the wintertime because it is so tranquil just to look at (even when there may be snow around it). With fans or heaters on in what we call our 'inside-out room' (screened-in patio) it can put me in my happy place. I adore sitting out with my coffee or tea and a good book. 

Even our goldendoodle, Davis found the pool relaxing.

There are endless examples of art that water inspired from poetry, novels, music, and paintings. Less than two minutes of looking at water outdoors is enough to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and actually lower your blood pressure. This is based on recent research according to Adam Grant. One possible explanation: "Since being attuned to visual cues for water helped our ancestors avoid dehydration, the mere sight of water can be a relief."

Even views of water through windows and artwork apparently help patients recover faster. In surveys, people recuperating from heart surgery who viewed an open-water scene had lower anxiety levels and needed less pain medication than those who looked at an abstract design, a blank white panel, or even a forest scene.

There is actually a 'thing' called Float Therapy.  I would gladly sign up for that. I know that when I am in my pool on a float it is simply heavenly. 

Water affects all of our senses. Simply amazing 💧💦

A quote by Bruce Lee puts another aspect on water:

"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves."

When we empty our minds, we become formless. Shapeless, like water. If we put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. If we put water into a bottle, or teapot then it takes that shape. Water can flow or it can crash. If we choose to flow...we have smoother sailing.

PEACEFUL

LIVE LIKE YOU MEAN IT

 LIVE LIKE YOU MEAN IT

Starting the New Year can be exciting to some and daunting to others. I like to look at it as 365 blank pages so how do I want to fill those pages. Some people make resolutions, and if that works for you, just go for it. Why change if it works? 

For me - meh - there was no way I was ever following through. After some reading other ideas such as setting intentions that align with your purpose or choosing one word that covers a whole range of what you would like to accomplish - I decided on one.

Each year I begin with my word for the year and I work on making it fit into my life in all sorts of positive ways. Some examples are 2023 my word was HOPE and 2024 my word was IMAGINE. 

For a little background information, 2023 was beginning my New Year without my soulmate. I lost him in October of 2022. So the word HOPE was a way that I was telling myself that I had to have HOPE to make it through the year in a totally different way than ever before. It was not an easy task. It was something that I truly had to work on in my mind. Perhaps I should have gone to grief therapy? Right or wrong, I muddled through with the help of my family and close friends.

In 2024 my word was IMAGINE. I wanted to imagine my new kind of life as an adventure to reinvent myself. I worked on my writing more, creating art, and most importantly, my health. I managed to put on weight through stress eating and I had quite a bit to lose. I had to work on telling myself the truth about what I wanted, not what I should be doing. Learning to say no to what didn't feel good anymore is never easy. But it meant for me to show up for myself by looking into my future. How that would happen will follow. And sure enough - it did.

I worked on ME. With help, I managed to shed 100 lbs in 11 months. Most people (at least this is what they said to me) could not believe that I had 100 extra pounds on my body. Oh yes! I knew that I did. The scales knew that I did. My clothes knew that I did. Positive talk to myself is what I used to kick out any negative vibes trying to get inside of my brain.

Self-care is not selfish--it is essential. Each day I must remind myself to slow down and be present in order to recharge. The best version of everyone is their authentic self. Slowly, I was finding my authentic self and giving myself the freedom to do so without guilt. All of us have unique gifts and the New Year does not necessarily mean the New You. It means finding yourself...the one who has always been there.

Taking small steps to turn my passion into action started slowly but as I gained confidence, it was second nature to me. It really is about living inspired and trusting your journey.

"Stuff" doesn't just happen. You need to take charge and stop listening to your brain because brains do not like change. Why? Fear! It is a matter of following this mantra:

Your life is all about YOU!

Making Special Holiday Traditions

 MAKING SPECIAL HOLIDAY TRADITIONS

🎄

Let me start by saying there is no such thing as having a perfect Christmas holiday. If you worry about making everything perfect, then expect to be burned out really fast. It is all about what works for you and your family at the time. Traditions are nice yet I find it interesting to change things up some every year or so.

Some of the holiday traditions my family chooses work for us most of the time. And sometimes, we make them up as we go. In other words, no one gets bent out of shape if some things change. Change is good.

The ideas that we work with are some that you and your family may have for your own... 

It is fun for some of us to make our own Christmas cards, bake Christmas cookies and make Gingerbread houses. And it can be fun to load up the car to see the Christmas lights or go to a Christmas Eve service.

 

On Christmas Eve, before we all gather for a Christmas movie to watch together (we all agree on one but many times it is The Polar Express) we enjoy a take out dinner from our favorite Chinese restaurant.

We can write a note to Santa and leave out him some cookies and of course, some reindeer food.

Then it is time to end the exciting fun-filled evening with a book to help us try to get some sleep on this special night.

We all wake up to the chatter of the children and find out what Santa surprised all of us with. Quite a long and fun drawn out affair. We actually take a little break to get our matching shirts on and have our special French Toast casserole that was made the night before and popped into the oven to cook, along with fresh croissants and fruit. YUM!

It always is a special day and no matter what is going on or NOT going on that is the usual tradition...it is just a wonderful family time.

This year we were breaking tradition a bit in that after this main event, four family members were headed to another set of grandparents for Christmas there. I was invited, however, I was also invited out with friends who have been celebrating Christmas at a movie and then out to dinner. I thought that this was a perfect time to try a new tradition. It worked for all. Even when the love of my life was celebrating Christmas with me, the two of us mixed things up at times. At times we had none of our children with us on the actual day, we changed things up and made reservations for a late afternoon lunch and thoroughly enjoyed the change. Attitudes...they matter. Go with the flow...

So my advice is to never discount the opportunities to make special holiday traditions of your own. It is a good thing!