Change Is the Only Constant

"Change is the only constant," was true when Heraditus said it back in 500 B.C. and it is just as true now. It is totally impossible to avoid. It is a gigantic part of how we experience life. Once we accept that, it can make life much more pleasant. What I have noticed is that for people who thrive on planning out their lives, step by step, this acceptance does not come easy. 

For me, I think that I fall in the middle of the spectrum for planning out my life (as well as other events too). For me, this is good in that it makes it a bit easier to accept uncertainty as a part of life in general. This can be done with an open mind and practicing on how I will respond in knowing that I can't plan my way to everything. It takes lots of practice and patience to dance through the uncertainties that will try to take you down the road you are not sure about traveling.

Being a writer helps, in that it makes it easier to write about what is stressing me so that I can move on through it with a bit more grace. This is done with accepting that I truly feel stressed and that is okay, now what am I going to do about it?

Once I have it down on paper, I must allow myself time to digest what is stressing me, then I can begin to build on that. For example, it does stress me that my work on my novel is so painstakingly slow. It is not that writing is a hard task for me. It is simply the fact that I want it done yesterday. Novels don't write themselves overnight and our household has had some issues that have slowed me down. This is not an excuse, just reality. 

Now my job is to make a connection to what, when, where and how I am making my dream come true. Being a planner and thinking in my mind that I will work on this on these days, at this particular time just will not work. There are so many other things to consider. Connecting a sense of meaning to the challenges of finding the time to work on my novel helped me so very much. Write when I can. So simple when I look at it on paper now. It wasn't at one stage in my life. It was as if it were written in stone that these days and times are the only times that I could work on it and if something came up; then oh well and nothing was written. The important thing is just to write no matter the day, no matter the time. 

Instead of allowing interruptions in my writing times stress me out, I use them more as a destresser. Enjoy taking a time away, whether it is for an appointment or a social time with friends, just reach out and enjoy. Practice intentional kindness not only with others but towards yourself as well.

Finding the things that give me a moment of calmness and comfort help center and steady me. Because I have made a major commitment to myself to work on my health, I have decided to use my love of cooking to research new recipes that have the ingredients that I need in order to achieve my goal. This in turn has added to feeling less stressed and much more motivated in all things in my life. 

This is how I have dealt with making changes. Some of the changes that pop up may not be of my own making, yet by going through my processes of working through them has helped me to focus on possible positives that could come out of it. In other words write down what I should be grateful for instead of going down the negative route that will lead me no where fast. This just adds fuel to the fire of uncertainty. 

To make a long story short, I share with you Bonnie Clearwater's quote:

Are You Sure?

My question of the day is, "Are you sure that you are ready for a dog?" That could even be turned around to ask, "Are you sure that a dog is ready for you?" I ask because we considered long and hard about taking on the responsibility. We both are dog lovers. Our working hours did not allow for a dog. We had no one to let the dog out during the day. Then how would he get exercise? You need to think this through because responsibility does not just mean feed and water him. There are so many other things to consider and many of them costs money. Vet bills, groomers, their bed, crate, or cushion, obedience school, toys, nutritional food, monthly meds for fleas/ticks and heartworm. The list goes on.

If you think that you can get a puppy, buy the necessary items and go off and about your day, just check out the picture above. The separation anxiety and boredom caused this little pup to try to eat through the door that you went out when you left him. He did not mean to. He was only trying to get to you. 

Dogs are curious creatures. They all have their own personalities and when we picked ours out (or we are now thinking that he picked us out) we must love them unconditionally. They depend on us to survive. The reason that they make it through their puppy years is that they are so dang cute. 

Such as this little French bulldog who literally can't get up. It is like the commercial that says, "Help, I have fallen and I can't get up."

This little guy is so worn out, he does not have the energy to even eat.

How about the big bad Roomba vacuum that has this pup hiding so that he will not be attacked.

This little guy is just trying to be helpful with the dishes. Check out his face.  Can you be mad at a face like that?

Left on their own, they can get into a heap of trouble. Such as rolling around in the sidewalk chalk, chewing one of your pillows to get all of the feathers out or even in their crate chewing their own bedding to shreds. Then looking at you as if to say, "It wasn't me." Luckily, the last picture of the one that got a ball stuck on his head was not injured. They are just like toddlers. We learned early that we can't take our eyes off of our puppy or any of the above pictures could have happened in our home or even more! Puppy proofing your home is as tough as baby proofing them.

We did find an indestructible bed for his crate and to have outside of his crate, also. (Let me add, that he went through three before we found it.

We also have so far been lucky enough to get the bee away from our dog before he tried to eat it. This poor puppy was not so lucky. His snout is very swollen from the bee sting. Ours has brought in a very long worm to play with. He was not trying to hurt it. Just watching it crawl along, but unfortunately, his big ol'paws kind of smushed him, accidentally.

There is one very important lesson that we learned from Davis, our very own puppy. Do not let him near a mud puddle. He wallows in it. We checked his papers one more time from the breeder. Yes, his mother was a standard poodle and his father was an English golden retriever. Nowhere does it say pig, hog or boar. We still loved our muddy mess of a furball. Thank goodness there was a hose nearby.

Dogs can teach us very important lessons. An article that I read by Dana Riley stated some of these lessons that she learned from her beloved dog when she had to say goodbye to him. It is always hard to say goodbye to our furbabies. They become such a part of the family. So in memorial of Capra, her furbaby, I will share these lessons with you and hope that you agree, especially if you are a dog owner.

There is great beauty in the quiet stillness.Let it envelop you.

• Sniff it. Touch it. Feel it. Taste it. Hear it. Engage all your senses in the world around you.
• Plunge in. You can always get out and shake it off.
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• Don't be afraid. Just stand your ground.And bark loudly when truly necessary--especially if a big ol' bear is in your backyard.  
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• Trust that most people have an innate goodness.
• Forgive fully -- and let it go.
• Love is truly unconditional. If it has conditions, it isn't really love.
• Accept the inevitable with peace and grace  --  even while the vet it taking your temperature.
• It's OK to feel sadness, but remember that joy is just a squirrel chase away.  

• Live in the moment. Embrace it. Feel it. Become it. Share it. 

After all, life is not about the quantity of moments; it's about appreciating the quality of moments. If you are contemplating getting a dog, please take it seriously, as you will be sharing your moments with another living creature who will love you unconditionally. The two of us always want to make sure that Davis feels that love from us.

Lost Ideas

Just as Linus Pauling said so well, "The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas." For me, this was easier said than done. I would get ideas at all of the most inconvenient times; such as while in the shower, or waking from a dream, having lunch and chatting with friends, or driving in my car. These ideas would flash through my brain with no particular warning.

There is good news and bad news with this information that I just shared. The good news is that my brain is still operational and full of ideas. The bad news is that I tend to forget them before I can get them on paper. They fly away in the wind before I can capture them. 

My thought process then turned to solving this problem of losing so many good ideas. (at least in my head they were good ideas at the time) The ways that I came up with seem to help me so I thought that I would share them in case anyone else has these issues. 

Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I have devised a way to help me remember the idea that popped into my mind. In order to make it work, I have learned over time that it has to be brief, just enough to help me remember the idea. Organization of the idea can come later. 

First of all, I keep a small notebook and pen by my bedside to jot down things that magically come into my brain for a book idea, or a name of a character...just anything at all. This is the same for in my handbag for when I am out and about. (I can be alone or with friends. If it is not convenient to pull it out to jot something down, I can excuse myself to go to the Powder Room to take care of jotting the idea down on paper.

In the car when I am the driver, it is not exactly a great idea to be writing and driving at the same time. Sort of like texting, in my opinion. However, there are apps for iPhones that will record your brief message. Siri will even take a note for you and store it in Notes on your phone. Just as Siri will send a text message to someone for you. I just can't read their text back safely or within the guidelines of the law. 

If by some reason I am caught without paper, or in the shower, try moving my ring to another finger and twisting it around (or a watch/bracelet?) telling myself the idea outloud, if possible. If not, then at least inside my head. You may be surprised how well this visual helps. It helps me, then again, I am a visual learner and it sticks in my brain.

Once I get the idea(s) on paper or recorded on iPhone I need to get them in one location, which for me is my Idea book. It is full of scribble scrabble, until I take the ideas and organize them. Let me share two famous people who did this very same thing. 

This happens to be be a notebook from Mark Twain. One where he wrote just jotted notes of ideas to follow up on and organize later. It appears that he crossed them off, as he got to them. The point being is that he had them all in one location. 

Above is a notebook found from Kurt Cobain's belongings. A sad life, yet such a marvelous writer and he used the notebook to jot his ideas down as they popped in his head, too. They look like doodling to us, however, to them, it was their line to reconnect their ideas to a more organized chaos, at least that is what I call my next move. Sometimes, I even find as I get them all down in one place that many of the ideas connect and are related.

Categorizing always helped me. Some ideas went into more than one category. It was okay. The other notion that was difficult to let go of is to get rid of what won't work. Be brutal, if necessary. Not all of my ideas are great. It means letting go of my emotional attachment to my own ideas. Once I was able to do this, I could see that it made my writing so much easier...more of a reality. 

Following common themes helped me get through the tough parts. Sharing with those that I trust is also helpful. Go with your ideas, organize them and pull them together to make your dream turn into your reality.

Sue Grafton said it very well:  " Ideas are easy. It's the execution of ideas that really separates the sheep from the goats." Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Shopping Preferences? Online or Traditional Stores?

There was a time that if a shopper needed to buy something they got in their car and headed out to the mall or shopping strip or a single standing store to buy what they needed. This is no longer the case. It has been no longer the only choice that shoppers have for a number of years, thanks to Amazon.

Others jumped on the bandwagon and e-Commerce has taken over. It has become more prominent and accessible for consumers. It is growing faster than other retail sectors and the tides are shifting. There is proof in that, simply due to the fact that so many store fronts are empty. Some of the larger, as well as the smaller stores are closing or downsizing, which means many lose their jobs. This is the sad part, as well as family businesses are going bankrupt. It could be fairly easy to overcome this and that would be to join in the e-Commerce. For me, it used to be fun to visity my one go to boutique and shop. Parking was easy, all of the sales clerks knew me, as well as what I liked. They would actually hang clothes for me to try on in my dressing room. Yet, they also knew when to back off and give me my space. Sad to say that the last few times that I went in, I barely received a greeting. I knew no one and no one knew me. The online shop is actually more friendly than in the store. 

In the eyes of most of  today's consumers, they are aware of the pros and the cons of both kinds of shopping. Depending on how you view your own personal situation will be the outcome of which you choose. Let's take a look at:

Pros of shopping online:

• save time and money that you would use for gas and possibly parking
• comparing prices on line is convenient
• there is a much larger variety to choose from
• there is no dealing with having to mail off gifts because the online retailer ships it to the address you choose
• the concept of reading other customer reviews aids in making choices
• you can remain in the calmness of your own home, especially if you have children to take out with you

Pros of In-store shopping:

• trying on the clothes at that moment
• check the quality of the material
• have the product in your possession at that moment
• see the design up close and personal
• sales clerk assistance
• there is little unpredictability

Cons of shopping online:

• no trying on before purchasing
• reading the store's advertising about the quality of the product and wondering if you should believe them
• risk of online fraud
• sometimes shipping cost is more than the product
• waiting for the product to arrive
• possibility of the product being sent to another address or stolen off your doorstep

Cons of in-store shopping:

• lost valuable time
• wait time for a dressing room to try on
• pressure of trying to remember what the price was in the store you were in before the one that you are in now
• crowded parking lots and stores, especially on sale days
• carrying heavy packages to the car

Basically, there is a bottom line here. Stores are actually downsizing due to the growth of online shopping. This means that they also do not hire enough trained clerks to help their customers. Therefore, in my opinion, it is usually in my best interest to shop online. Just as the stores must make their shops consumer friendly, the websites for online shopping must make their websites user-friendly. More and more, I am seeing an online chat box so that the customer can ask a real person a question about a product.

Words of caution are to check and recheck prices at different stores compared to Amazon, know the return policies, as well as shipping fees. Many stores also have free shipping back to their store for returns/exchanges. Buying familiar products help to take out the guess work. 

With work and family life, I now know how important my "me" time is. Unless, it is an emergency, I have taken the route of online shopping. Whichever way I choose, I am careful to do my research on which product is the best for me. With two day free shipping at Amazon Prime, I can hold off on instant gratification of having the product in my possession immediately. 

If you are a person like me, I will leave you with one of my favorite Erma Bombeck quotes:

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

This holds true for me whether it is an item in the grocery or any other kind of store. I am much more careful online than in person when the item is actually in my hands.

Remember the Days of the Old Schoolyard

There are days that I spend way too much of my time thinking about what I may write in my blog for the week when the answer is right in front of me. Actually, right inside my head of what I truly experienced.Just meeting up with a schoolmate brought this back to my memory. 

So many people talk about how they would never want to go back to their high school years. That is most definitely not the way that I feel. Now, I can't say that every moment was the best ever, yet on the other hand, it would not be such a bad deal. I know for a fact that the word boring would not be used for the time that I was in high school. Alright, I will give you a point for the hour that was spent in Geometry, day after day. That was just an hour. From there we went back out in the hallways with friends. Most of the time, we had great teachers and lots of fun. At least, for me, it was anything but boring.

There were parades that the R.O.T.C. sponsors marched in that led us off in my mom's cool convertible with one of the best English teachers ever (and the coordinator of the sponsors) driving it! We had great fan spirit for the basketball team and the football team. There was the much anticipation about the Homecoming Game where the Homecoming Queen was announced. Even if you did not win the Queen, it was a proud moment to be nominated at school and then to be escorted down the field on game night. I still have the picture that my mother took of me in my blue velvet dress. I loved that dress!

Which leads me to my love of fashion which did start early. By the time I became a senior, I was named the Teen Representative for Modeling on a local television show with a very popular disc jockey, George Klein. When this portion of the show came on the school was announced for that Saturday and the representative (me) got to come out modeling and then sat down by Mr. Klein for a brief chat before announcing the models and what they were wearing. I totally got into that part. We all had a lot of fun. 

The show was live, but not the kind of show with an audience. My friends and I went to the back to change out of the clothes and hand over to the store clerk who guarded them like a hawk. We all got our own clothes back on and were headed out when I was pulled over to the side and asked if I knew how to play the keyboard. I replied that I played the guitar and all I knew about the keyboard was where the note C was. 

He explained that his group was about to go on live and they would not be playing instruments live, just pretending to be playing. This is how the show always worked because it was live and no room for mistakes. He asked again if they kept the camera off my hands could I pretend to be playing the keyboard? I asked what song? When he said to my amazement, Green Onions, yes, I had heard of that song but not into that many names of bands I had forgotten that it was Booker T. and the MG's who I was just asked to pretend to play keyboard for. 

It seems that the keyboard player had not made it to the studio yet. Little did I know that it was Booker T. himself that I was standing in for. I heard the announcement that a substitute was playing the keyboards and to welcome Booker T. and the MGs.

Well, that apparently was my few minutes of fame. I was hoping that the cameraman was not showing my hands because I knew not what I was doing. Just trying to move with the beat and have my hands where they should be. I still have trouble believing that I pulled it off. 

By the time that I got home my mother was having a conniption. She could not believe that I agreed to such an arrangement. I am glad that I had a nice sweater on and basically that is all that showed because unlike my friends, I could not wear jeans. It would have been the perfect thing to wear while pretending to be in a band. (I did sneak out to a store the first month of my freshman year at Ole Miss to buy me a pair of jeans.)

The other claim to fame that I look back on and smile is when I came home from college during a holiday, I went out with a police officer. He asked me if I had ever seen or met Elvis. The answer was a quick, "No!" He then said that he had heard he was at The Memphian Theater, which he was known for renting out for his own private movie. His usual posse was always with him and he allowed police officers to come and go also. They just were not to disturb him. I was told that we could go over and sit in the back and I could see Elvis. 

Part of me did not believe this. I had to see it for myself. So off we went. We were let in by his body guards once he showed his badge. Elvis and his possee were up toward the third to fifth rows, so we went midway down. I wanted to see more than the back of his head. No one was seated in there with us which I found amazing. I moved my seat all the way to the far side so that I could at least catch a glimpse of his profile. OH WOW! It really was Elvis. 

So to go back to my original train of thought, I do remember the days of the old schoolyard with very fond memories. More fond than not. Would I have done things differently? Probably not unless I could know then what I know now. Living in optimism and happiness, with a chunk of naivete is what made it so much fun!

Green-Eyed Monster

When I started writing seriously, I can remember how I would compare my writing to other authors and their books. In my own little world, there were so many great authors and books out there, that as a reader, there was no way possible that I could get to all of them that I wanted to, so how was my book going to stand up side by side to theirs? At times that
was the only way that I could view my situation.
Libraries, book stores and Amazon were full of them, that is for sure; even if it is broken down by genres. 

Sometimes I would use their success and achievements to help be my own motivation to do
just as well as most of the ones I admired. We all are aware that we live in the real world, which for me, meant there were times that I fell victim to the green-eyed monster called envy. 

At one point it was a healthy competition for me, however, if I allowed it to invade my soul and become my mindset then it was more of an obsessive focus on the negative. Negative for me, that is! Writing a book is not an easy task. Ask any famous author. It is also good for me to keep in mind that authors who have sold best sellers had publishing companies turn them away before someone saw the possibility of a best seller. This happened, at least in my mind, because the author never lost sight of his/her own vision. They believed in themselves.

This takes me back to why it is so important to stay positive. Negative attitudes will get anyone to NoWheresVille before you can blink an eye. If all I focused on were their win/wins and me sitting at my desk reading, writing and typing then it is a lose/lose for me all of my own doing.

Instead, I had to continue grounding myself in my vision. That green-eyed monster will stay lurking just below the surface and is ready to rise at any moment that I let my guard down. It became very clear to me that what I focus on will determine my success or failure; so you had better believe that my plan is to keep my focus on my goals and vision and dreams.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Paper Books or Digital Books?

There was a time, and perhaps the debate is still going on, that there were two sides about reading. There were books and then there were comic books. I can remember some of my teachers confiscating comic books, usually from boys who were deep into reading the stories. Even as a child, I would think to myself that at least they are reading! This was during "DEAR" time. (Drop Everything And Read!) They were not skipping out on reading an assignment. It was a free reading time that was meant to encourage reading. Something just did not seem right about this practice. My two cents did not count in this kind of debate. Once I became a teacher, I could make my DEAR time however I wanted to make it. Just READ.

Now it seems there is a debate concerning paper books or digital books. Paper books are physical books that may be paperback or hard cover. Digital books are downloaded onto E-reader notebooks such as Kindles, IPads, IPhones or other tablets that support these downloads. 

From the very beginning I put my nose up in the air at such a thing as a digital book and reading from a Kindle. Years went by before I even vaguely became curious, as I noticed more and more people reading them in waiting rooms, airports, or other places where a person may have some time to spare with nothing to do but wait. 

My husband never leaves the house without his book if he is headed to any place where there could be waiting. I thought of doing that, and even tried it a few times and unless it was a smallish book, it was uncomfortable to tote it in along with my handbag. 

This is when I finally tried out a free e-book offer from an author friend on Twitter. I had to have a month of daily appointments at a clinic and it was the perfect time to have something to read. It worked out beautifully. Yet I found that I still missed holding a real book. Holding the Kindle just was not the same feeling.

In my head I thought of the pros and cons of each type of book. Basically, I came to the conclusion that for me there was a time and a place for both. Just because I grew up with books all around me and found them comforting, I am not too old to learn new tricks, so to speak. 

• A Kindle can have a whole library of books on it whereas if you were going on a trip or vacation and needed 2 - 3 books, your luggage would be weighted down.
• Getting the book that you want to read immediately on Amazon gives you that instant gratification. You could order a book on Amazon and if you had Amazon Prime have it in two days or go out to a book store and buy it that very same day. How badly do you need that book that very minute?
• Many e-books are offered free, especially the classics and new authors. Even so, most of the time Kindle books are less expensive than hard cover books. Yes, you could buy paperback books, however, my husband and I both prefer the hard cover over paperback, so this is my reasoning for comparing them.
• Kindle books have the wonderful ability to touch a word and instantly get the definition of it. I must say that if I am reading a hard back book, there are times that I either use context clues or wait and check it later if my IPhone is not handy to google it.
• A friend once told me that she loved sitting in a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book. This is something I could not do with a digital book nor a hard cover. It would be too risky to drop it in the water, or get water on the pages as the pages are turned or water as you swipe to turn the page on the Kindle. Just lean back and close your eyes and relax. 

One interesting piece of information that I found was that studies have been done that prove there are tactile differences in how people recall events in a story based on whether they are reading it from an e book or a paper book. The research shows that e book readers do significantly worse on plot reconstruction such as list 14 events in the order that they took place. Paper book readers had a high level of correct emotional responses that showed there was a breakdown of mental reconstruction for e readers over paper book readers.

Everyone must make their own decision. I still will be the one standing tall and just saying, "JUST READ!"

In case you are wondering, yes, I have made my choice. I use both. Definitely, hard cover more often but I always have a book or two on my Kindle to read while I am out for an appointment. I tend to put books on it that will not matter if I get back to the story line in a week or so. While I am home, I get the comforting feeling of just holding a good book in my hands. 

 Let me end by sharing something that I found that really gets to the real reason that I prefer hard cover books. A 'digital book' can't be infused with smells, can't press flowers in-between its pages. It can't contain the teardrops that fell as you read the sad parts or the accidental coffee stains. No, only a real book can do those things. I saw this in a magazine and no longer can find it so I know the quote is not exactly right, but this says all that I believe about books.