Our House

Monday's blog was on love, just in time for Valentine's Day.  It did come strictly from my heart and what experience has taught me and sharing that with Steve.  It was not an overwhelming surprise that he had some of the same thoughts that I did.  Some people most definitely belong together and they know it when they find each other and can willingly communicate well with each other.

We both want to help make life easier for one another and trust me on this one:  it will always be the small things that make such an awesome difference in each other's lives.  One of our favorite times of the whole day is when we get to sit down together after work, while dinner is cooking or we are working on dinner together and sharing our day and our thoughts.  This usually involves some very good music playing in the background and a glass of wine.  We almost always cook with wine and sometimes it goes into the recipe..  

Last night, just as Steve was about to sit down so that we could share our day, the song by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young randomly came on Pandora.  It was, "Our House."  We both just stopped and listened. It brought back such wonderful memories of seeing them perform twice in recent years! And if that wasn't enough, going to Graham Nash's book signing and having a short, yet entertaining conversation with him.

We both read the book that Nash had chronicled as his life up to that point.  After reading about how he became Graham Nash as we know of him, we realized that "Our House" was written for Joni Mitchell.  He left the UK for Los Angeles with nothing but his guitar and the clothes on his back.  He met Joni Mitchell, who had invited him over to her cottage and at that time in her life, it was a little cottage, nothing posh.  Nash took her up on the deal and that night he also met two other friends of hers, Stills and Crosby.  They got out their guitars and started singing and playing.  Nash was amazed at their harmony and asked if they could sing it once more and let him join in.  And so a band was born. Their voices blended so well together. There most definitely was a lot of ups and downs with this group.  We all would have lost out on some remarkable music if they had not worked so hard at staying together.

When the song was over on Pandora, Steve paused the music to tell me how the stars apparently were all lined up just for him to share a story with me.  Yesterday afternoon, he was outside with Davis, our new little puppy, just letting him romp and roam like puppies need to do and he was leaning up against the fence looking over the side of our house.  For some reason, his mind started thinking of the builders who constructed our house.  Did they ever think about the love and joy that their skills may be bringing to people?

While outside at this time is when the song, "Our House" came to his mind and how those lyrics fit our house in almost the same way.  On some of our chilly nights, he does light the fire and I always have flowers, many from our very own garden or a bouquet of roses that he gives to me so that I can place in vases that I pick up from here or there.  We both feel that everything is easier because we are a team.  Our house did not start off as our house.  We worked as a team to put it all together.  Friends from the UK came over to see the house before we had even begun the process and instantly gave us such constructive ideas. It became clear, that one idea led to another, that led to another and we most definitely now feel that it is our house.

You must understand that most houses in the UK are no where near the size of our house, and our house is by no means larger than the typical suburban neighborhood house. Downton Abby it is not. So when our friends came in via the entry hall, which lead to a very large room that was designed and built to be the living room and then looked to their left and saw this very much smaller room which had the chandelier for the dining room, they said that it was all wrong.  The big room needed the chandelier so that it could become the banquet hall like in the English castles.  I never quite saw it that way.  Then the smaller room could be turned into a study or library.

Brilliant!  All of the dining room furniture would fit much better and it simply involved moving the ceiling lighting fixtures.  WOW!  We already had a 'keeping room' as the builder's plans called it. Basically a sitting room with the fireplace in it and lots of books with a surround sound music system for our music.  (no TV for this special room) As for that other small room?  It did become a study.

Steve and I both believe that our house is a very, very fine house.  We may never have two cats in the yard.  (maybe one dog and one cat?)  What I do know is that our house is full of harmony, love, adventures, coziness, contentment, joy and laughter.

Is It Love?

It is true that most people, including myself, can give a correct dictionary definition of love. It is an intense feeling of deep affection.  With Valentine's Day coming up (tomorrow for you procrastinators) I thought that I would write a little about love and how I know it when I see it. I used to believe that once you knew what it was and recognized it, then you would be able to pursue it.  That is so not right.  Why?  It is really very simple.  Love is a force of nature. Love can not be controlled, nor managed no more than Mother Nature and the moon, sun, and the stars.

Love can be invited into your life and it comes in a variety of different manners. Love experiences are different for everyone and even the meaning of love is extremely subjective. Examples: "I love my significant other, I love my children, I love my pets, I love bacon, I love books, I love my job, I love....!"  You get the picture.  With it being Valentine's Day, my blog is going to focus on the love between significant others. The word "love" in my opinion is overused. Would it be more precise to say that I enjoy bacon or I have a passion for reading books or my job?

My point being that we all must use our words carefully.  It really is not that difficult to understand love once you are aware of how it works. Usually, as in my case and many others, it can be very easy to fall in love with someone. The difficulty is to stay in love.  The most important part here is to understand that if it was difficult to stay in love then it was not "the love of my life." Know when it is time to move on once you are aware that there is not a shared love in that relationship.  

Truly, most couples who are together are together because they feel as if they are deeply in love.  I would not have gone through all of the steps leading up to marriage if I had not positively believed without a doubt that I was in love and that someone was in love with me.  We would spend the rest of our lives together.  Love is always beautiful, if it is not beautiful, it is not love.  Where love at one time may have existed, it faded and it probably faded because it was not 'real love.'  There is a big difference.

When I meet couples who are coming up on 35, 45, 55 or more years of marriage with the same partner, I am totally amazed.  If you stay around them for any length of time, you can actually feel the love that they share together. My husband and I have each been married about 35 years, just not to the same people. Call us slow learners, perhaps?  It just took a while to figure out if we were experiencing real love or not. Taking the time to think what unconditional love really looks and feels like is the most important question for all to ask of themselves. Just be real.  It is not that complicated.  

Well, it sorta, kinda is a bit complicated; so much so, that books are written to teach you how to get someone addicted to you.  Is this what you want?  In my younger years, basically, this was how the 'game plan' went. The books are written to teach men or women how to have the opposite sex eating out of your hand.  If that is what you want, then that is what you will get. Some people are better at this game than others.  Some people fall for it easier than others and believe themselves to have fallen in love, when really we are talking infatuation.  Infatuation can be very exciting and intoxicating.  It can easily make one think that they have found their soulmate.    

The saying that the third time will be the charm was so true for Steve and me.  At the ages that we were when we met, we both had a much clearer view of the world.  For both of us there were some clues that we used to distinguish if we had met our life partner.  

The best part of the day, my highlight, is when I am with him.  My day has gone well and being with Steve it goes up to another level.  When something good happens, he is the first person that I want to tell.  I would do anything to make his day go better and to make him happy.  I want everyone around us to know just how much I love him.  From the very beginning, I was in the long term thinking mode.  It becomes hard to imagine a future without him. We have shared some of these feelings that we had this time around in dating. Amazingly enough, we both had basically the same list of the characteristics of real love. 

The term unconditional love is used frequently. In thinking on those terms, it is rather redundant.  Real love is unconditional.  It is absolute love.  Steer clear of someone saying these words, which just so happen to be the second longest running Off-Broadway musical, "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change." You should run like the wind and start imagining what your unconditional love will involve.  It is worth the wait if you have not found yours yet.  





  

Baa Baa

Have you ever questioned yourself about your very own state of independence?  I know that I certainly do this on a regular basis.  I am just stubborn and hard headed enough to move away from a herd mentality that I see around me more and more, or at least it seems as if it is more and more.  Maybe it is the fact that I am more and more aware of what it looks like.

I love knowing that I have control over my own life by not having a need to follow others to meet my goals.  Now that I am writing my blog and my novel, I have had all kinds of advice from others. Please don't get me wrong.  I love receiving the advice and new ideas from others. This is where my own goals get met by me choosing what solutions I am going to use in order to meet my goals.  I cherish this interaction when it is true constructive interaction.  For someone to tell me that I can't do something a certain way is simply a taboo.  Probably a certain guarantee that I will most certainly do it that way and more.  It may be a combination of what other writers, non-writers, friends, family and others suggest to me.  In today's world there is no one right answer for each person.  Putting a label on me, lining me up on a conveyor belt and stamping me with the same stamp that other writers have will not work for me.  

This mentality does not just exist in the world of authors.  It is everywhere.  Actually, what made me think of this herd mentality was a conversation that I had with my husband about Jon Anderson.  Some of you may recognize the name.  I didn't.  He was the front man for the English rock band called Yes. Once I was told who he was, I could hear his very distinguishable voice singing some of my favorite songs.  Other than that, I did not know one fact about him.

Steve heard him interviewed about having a state of independence. His thinking was that we are all as a whole more connected with the media, therefore we think that is what life is all about.  We are listening to others tell us what life is all about based on their personal interpretation.  In his words, 'stuff' is going on all around us; not just where you live or where I live.  It is world wide, yet people, usually those independent thinkers, are getting on with life.  

Independent thinking allows yourself to just be.  Many times, this kind of thinker is called stubborn, radical, or just plain not right in the head.  For me, it is a matter of not being controlled by sound bites in the media, which most definitely includes all social media. 
Some of the so called facts that are spread throughout the media are quite unbelievable.  I say this because people in general read it, therefore it must be true in their minds.    

If more people were independent thinkers, they would search more for the facts, not twisted facts to help someone misguide others to move more to their way of thinking.  I know that it is not always easy to accept myself and not care what others may think. Sometimes the best way is to just move away from all of the bologna and remain silent.  There is no way that I want to pull one sheep away from his herd.  He has to decide that.  

What I have learned is that I determine my own happiness and have accepted that life is not always fair. (This was a favorite saying of my Mom's and most of my teachers.) It definitely had an impact on me.  So, if life is not always fair, what am I going to do?  A saying that is used more and more and that I learned from my daughter (so I must have passed it on the fairness of life, just like my Mom did) is to "Suck it up, Buttercup."  We all need to be our own hero, not depending on others.  It is all well and good to look up to others who are deserving...never leave yourself out of this group. Use your independent skills to find your answers. 

The quote that I will leave you with is from George S. Patton, Jr., "If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."

Dreams Can Take You There!

It is most definitely true, so therefore, I will not even try to hide it. I am a dreamer.  I am an optimist.  I do not even need a Dream Catcher, like the one at the top of this page.  To me, there is no other way to be and it really brings me down when I am with someone who can't even wrap part of their head around the concept of the fact that imagination and motivation are two powerful items that will work with anyone's dream.  They are on your side and work with you, not against you.  

There will always be naysayers out there to stifle your dreams.  I am just simply not willing to let them have control over what I dream, much less the ways that I plan on making them come true. When it seems to be tugging at me harder, I simply think of a dream that one person had that seemed to be out of anyone's reach. There are so many to choose from, if you do a little bit of research. I just happened across this brief, yet fascinating story the other day.  

To me one of the most impressive dreams is the story of how the first bridge over the Niagara River near the Falls came to be built in 1847.  The bridge had to be built over a giant gorge, except the builders first had to get a line over the canyon from the United States to Canada.  Roaring rapids were below so a boat was out of the question.  The airplane had not been invented yet.  Even an expert with a bow and arrow could not shoot an arrow that distance.

Charles Ellet, the designing engineer, continued to think and ponder over this problem, coming up with what possibly could work.  One revolutionary idea was definitely worth a try to see his dream come true.  He sponsored a kite flying contest.  He offered a five dollar prize if anyone could fly a kite across the gorge and let it go low enough to the ground for someone on the other side to grab the string. Believe it or not, a young boy won this contest on his second attempt.  I would say that the young lad was as much of a dreamer as the engineer. He managed to get the kite over the gorge, low enough to fasten it to a tree, which was used to pull a cord across, then a line, then a rope.  Next came an iron-wire cable with steel cables until a structure that was strong enough to build a suspension bridge was in place. One year later it opened and this all began with a dream from someone who used his imagination and motivation to make it come true.

Unlike a kite with a string, I feel that there is no limit to how high or how far my dreams can take me.  I had a principal once who told me that my dreams are only limited by the power of my own imagination.  If I can 'taste it, feel it, see it, hear it and smell it' then my motivation is already in place.  This is the reason that I begin each day with a positive mantra, along with quiet meditation. Many others would argue the point that other guidelines must be thrown into the works to make dreams come true.  I say that I am quite capable of getting where I want to go through my dreams.  It takes patience and sometimes that is the hardest part of it all for me.  I just know that my dreams will take me where I want to go.  How about yours? 

Coordination vs Determination

Some very close friends and family already know the sad truth of my own athleticism.  The fact is that I have none.  Not one ounce of agility, balance, coordination nor speed was loaded into my DNA. At least not the kind to play sports. 

My Momma was a model and did teach me the proper way to carry myself, even yes, practicing the walk and turn with a book on my head.  I even did a small amount of modeling in high school for a major local department store, as well as representing my high school for fashion on a local TV program with George Klein.  My Mom did get me involved in dancing at age five.  We danced and danced and danced.  I loved the tap dance, the ballet and the creative movements.  I did keep up with the moves at that age, to the best of my ability.  When the Recital Night came, my group of dancers came out, all cute in our little red and white polka dot costumes, including the hula skirt.  The crowd went wild.  Elvis Presley's song of  Rock-a-hula started playing.  The crowd seemed to be enjoying it so much that I thought that I would get out of line and sit in front of the line of dancers and watch too.  Even with hearing my Mom telling me to get up and dance with my group.  I was so intrigued by it all.  

Needless to say, I did not take another year of dance class.  At that point my Mom decided to put me in Drama.  She thought that I did have a skill in being overly dramatic at times. I did enjoy it.  It was one on one.  Ms. Coffman, my teacher, met with me once a week to teach diction, poetry, movement and then finally working with others in order to be in a play.  The play was Little Women and I had a major role as Jo.  Beautiful long dresses with lots of petticoats...much more my style.  I did continue this until my teacher's retirement.

Meanwhile, back at Junior High and High School, we had P.E. classes and briefly learned a bit about many sports.  That would not have been so bad if it had not been for the fact that we had to put on a one piece uniform that you had to step into.  It was shorts we an elastic band connected to a short sleeve top, snapped up the front and white.  It was hideous.  There is no wonder that I learned to basically despise anything to do with sports.  This is where I believe it all began, as far as organized sports for me.

There are some pictures above and I have a short story for each one.  Let's start with bowling.  I was asked to join a group of friends to be on a bowling league.  My first and only night was a disaster.  Even the bumper guards would not have totally helped me.  I did throw some balls over in the lane beside ours by accident, and yes, I did apologize.  However, the biggest problem was when I was swinging the ball backwards to aim and throw it forwards down the lane and my fingers accidentally let go of the ball.  The ball went flying backwards and landed in a glass trophy case, now broken all over the floor.  I was asked not to return if I planned on playing. I never returned based simply on the fact of my embarrassment.  So bowling was not for me. 

At a casual, very large family reunion, there was a game of volleyball taking place.  It looked like it could be fun so I joined in. It was fun unless the ball was hit hard and it was coming straight for you.  Apparently, you are to put both hands up and whack it back over the net.  I chose to cover my head for protection.  After doing this a few times, I was asked to go and get some drinks for those playing.  I took the hint!

Basketball was a little different as long as it was not a real game. My brother taught me a game that was just the two of us.  He made a shot and then I had to replicate it.  If either of you made it then you received a letter from the word, "HORSE."  No fouls, no pulling the ball from someone's arms, and no running up and down the court from one net to another.  Rarely did I spell the word before he did, but still I rather liked this game. I would like to know where the game got the name 'Horse.'

Zumba or line dancing?  I am always two steps behind the others. If I join in, I always try to be on the back row.  This way I do not feel so uncoordinated and I am not throwing others off their step routines. When I dance, I do my own thing.  Looking at those out on a dance floor, I think that most people do their own thing, or else they may have had one drink too many? 

Now...please do not laugh at this.  I did join a gym and hire out a personal trainer.  It did me a world of good.  He always had me warm up on the treadmill or the recumbent bike.  This was before going to the other machines or lifting lighter weights.  I know this did help in my balance so it is something that I am continuing at home now that I do not go to the gym anymore.  We purchased our own treadmill and bike and a zaaz machine for our exercise room. Also, for Christmas, I received a few weights to work with.  Now it is a matter of setting the time to go to 'our' gym and working out. The one machine that we did not purchase was the elliptical...why? Because a few time my trainer attempted to put me on it, I simply could not get the movement going right in order to operate this complicated machine.  I could stand back and watch others go fast on it.  Then I would try again.  HA!  I am sure there were cameras in the gym.  All I can do is hope that it never gets out. 

Another gift for Christmas that I received was a beginner yoga video that I had asked for.  One day of trying it, even using pillows for my knees, just about did me in.  Luckily, I have a daughter who could show me how to modify the on the floor core movements to standing movements.  I do believe it is working.  There is even a book called Chair Yoga.  Now I am adding some of those movements.  I am at least coordinated enough to do these.  

Taking care of ourselves is what it is all about.  So what is your way?  Knowing that I am not a runner or a jogger, I will walk, thank you very much.  Knowing that I like perfect weather for walking, I now have no excuse if it is too cold, too windy, too hot or humid because it is in our home.  For me it is a case of my own determination working along with what coordination that I have within me to become fit. Any other suggestions are welcomed in my comment section at the end of this blog.   

The Secret to a Good Day

Yes, it is so very true, a person may not be a great early morning person, just more of a late in the morning person.  I am the perfect example of this.  Since I have retired from a "normal" job, I have had the luxury of experimenting with my routine.  The sound of an alarm clock going off at the insane, crazy time of 5:30 is no longer a must-do.   You should understand that I was spoiled by the fact that it was not just any alarm clock blaring in my ear, but a Bose CD player that had the easy listening tone of Van Morrison crooning to me.  The trouble was that he started off low and sweet and then if I did not get up, the Tupelo Honey just grew louder and louder.  One had no choice but to get up or else drive on down to Tupelo to take care of that honey, personally.  Not a good way to start one's day. A much calmer approach would be to give thanks that an amazing singer is softly singing me awake to a beautiful day.

Now, I do like my routine of the alarm going off no earlier than 6:30.  Seven is even better, it is just that now a new puppy is involved and he tends to need to go out at 6:30.  I am hoping that as he grows, he will make it another thirty minutes.  For now, I use this early time for a little stretching, plus a few lunges. Everyone has their own personal preference about when they like to do their exercise rituals.  All studies say the morning is the best time and energizes your body and mind for the day.  One day, I may be able to buy into this theory.  For now, I find that I need a little stretching, a hot shower, a cup of hot coffee and a bit of make-up on to start my day off on a positive note.

After dressing and tending to our puppy, I tend to check out my 
e mail, make a healthy breakfast and have a little meditation time with whatever positive mantra that is on my mind for the day.  It always gets posted on my Face Book page. It is my statement for me.  Several people usually click they like it or may add a comment or two, which is great. Even some friends have told me in private that they look forward to reading my post for the day, even though they never acknowledge it on line.  It is very humbling to have others liking to see what I may write on staying positive.  Most definitely, something that I will never, ever take for granted.

Once I have had breakfast, and taken care of a bit of business, it is puppy play time.  With commands that he is learning quickly, it is fun to play fetch, sit, catch, down and stay with him.  Usually, when he tires out, he plops in his bean bag chair and rolls over on his back to chew his rawhide.  Definitely, would put a smile on any 'Debbie Downer's' face.  He may eventually wander over to my desk and sit by me chewing on his rawhide.  This is when I am usually able to organize and prioritize my day into how I will work. 

Researching and putting words to paper work best for me during this time.  I am fully awake and feeling my most creative.  There are times that I have to be a bit more flexible and not dead set in one particular routine.  Whether it is an appointment that had to be made at this time or the puppy who did not want to totally cooperate with a routine...the key to working it out is flexibility.  I will never let it throw me off my game plan. It is truly a matter of switching between cycles of focused work to constructive rest. There is a huge difference between constructive rest and goofing off.

This is a drastic way of changing my thinking of how I should be working as a writer.  I have learned that I can't force the flow. Being kinder to myself actually produces more and is so much more less stressful.  Now, I actually take breaks for tea, for reading, for painting and for walking.  Sometimes, I actually do a bit of housework in little steps, such as empty/load the dishwasher or washer/dryer.  Have you ever had a problem that needs solved and amazingly enough, the answer comes to you while you are in the shower washing your hair?  Your subconscious brain continues to work on the solution.  In reality, more gets done in my world by taking care of all of my needs and just being more well-rounded.  It is about believing in yourself and listening to what you know that your spirit, body, mind and soul all need.  I am so proud that I have learned why it is important to be this courageous. Whenever I feel that I need a reminder, I look back on what I have written in my daily journal and am amazed at what can happen when you feed your whole being.

NEVER forget how awesome you are!  

DENIED

DENIED

Let me just say here and now that I am just about fed up with insurance companies ruling the roost.  By that, I mean telling physicians what they can and should prescribe to their patients and if they don't agree then they must write a dissertation on the reason why the said patient needs what the doctor has ordered.  The doctors must hire employees who do nothing all day except to call insurance companies to get approval for the care they know their patients need.  After all, they did go to four years of college and then another five to seven years of medical school, so what would they know?  

Who the hell do these insurance companies think they are?  First of all they always have charged exorbitant premiums to where employers have had to continually cut back to bare bones of what they can offer in benefit packages.  We pay more and more and receive less and less, not to mention the aggravation of some little so and so sitting in his office denying a patient what their doctor has prescribed.  Let me give you some examples of what I personally have been put through.  

• The doctor wrote a prescription for an acne medicine due to hormones going a bit crazy.  All of a sudden I had a slight case of acne going on. Before it got out of hand, my doctor wrote an RX. I waited and waited at the drug store until finally the pharmacist called me over to tell me quietly (he was quite embarrassed)  that the insurance company had denied this drug due to the fact that I was too 'old' for acne. The pharmacist did advise me to call my doctor and tell him so that he could call and validate what he prescribed for me. Why should he have to take his valuable time to do what he has gone to medical school to do?
• Yet another time, a specialist for thyroid disorders said that generic brands of synthroid do not work nearly as well as the real thing.  She said that normally, most generics are just as good.  In this case it was not.  She had to call and prove her point.  Even though this is a known fact in the pharmaceutical world.    
• Have you ever needed a refill on a prescription a couple of days before it is apparently legitimate to refill due to going out of town?  And just to be clear, I am not talking a narcotic type drug.  Just a water pill, blood pressure medicine or synthroid. Not something to overdose on for goodness sakes. 
• Just recently going through breast cancer, which involved surgery, radiation and medications with lab work, I found out that everything the doctor wanted to do to care for me, had to be called in and approved by someone who does not know me, who has not seen me, and who does not have my records in front of him.  The physicians had to do this for each and every time.  

The sad fact is that my misfortune with insurance companies is not unique.  It occurs over and over, and is badly in need of some radical reform.  

So I am now stepping off my soap box and I will return to my more humorous blogs next week.